Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I message him?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years, 1 month ago by
Mary sheley.
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Mary sheley
So I met this guy through an online dating site. We spent whole summer chatting and sexting. He visited the country where I live twice and both times we met and had sex. There was some connection but not enough time to built stg on it. He said we are probably meeting again without me asking him so I responded that it needs to come naturally to want to see me not to feel forced about it and that he can meet with other people if he wants. Fast forward four months of no contact at all (never responded to my last message but I deactivated my account immediately so cannot be sure if he replied or not cause usually he would go days not texting and then reappear out of nowhere), we are still connected on social media but stopped interacting with each other’s content no comments or messages just some instagram views here and there. I still think about it and I regret not telling him that I do like him and he wasn’t just somebody random I had fun with but don’t have the guts to message him again cause I don’t want to get hurt if he just ignores me. Also, I care how is doing what he has been up to, is someone with goals in life and hard working and inpired me in many different ways, I just feel there was no closure, if I knew for example that he wasn’t feeling it or he did and due to distance decided to stop pursuing I would understand it and move on. I am respecting his decision to not keep in touch but I started missing him these days the more I talk with other guys, the more I realize that our interactions were organic and clearly there was a desire there.
Newbie
I think you can reach out and ask how he is doing. All in all i find this ending very weird and you play a big part in that. He says will see you again but instead of talking about that you pretty much shoot him down saying he can see other girls and only naturally bladibla. I don understand what you were doing, playing cool girl that doesnt want to get hurt. You also felt there was a connection but not enough to go on. But then you deactivate your account so for him you ghosted.
He is also vague but did make the effort to come visit twice. And then nothing. I think you are emotionally unavailable yourself and going for missions impossible. But ok that wasnt your question. Yeah text him. Thats not strange but keep it friendly.Mary sheley
Dear Newbie,
I was scared because I have been rejected multiple times and with guys that I thought really liked me, just couldn’t trust that he might have had genuine interest. He was trying to get closer emotionally all night but hit a wall cause I couldn’t bring myself in cuddling or showing interest. Plus in one of our conversations I made him feel awkward with a sarcastic joke and he let it slide. My last message was nothing important but since he was going to leave anyhow, I thought that I saved my self the heartache while shutting him off.
Newbie
Yeah i figured there was something like that going on. But you have to remember that those rejections didnt kill you, there were not the end of the world. Yeah it stings big time, but if you want to find a good match, you have to open yourself up again. Despite this guys potential initial interest i dont see him as a match. He lives too far away, you didnt really bond when he was there, it looked like a sexvacation (because of the sexting you mentioned), he doesnt stay in touch at all and he may not even be single. So i wouldnt just picture this guy as someone you scared away. I think he was never in. Good luck
Mary sheley
Dear Newbie,
Thank you for your insight. Indeed painted the picture. I don’t have time to connect with people because of my work so I was only able to sustain casual things or one time sexdates. So far it worked for mea but this is the first time I actually liked someonethe beyond sexual desire, so in my interactions I feel like an alien and come across as detached even if feel stuff I hide them very well. I guess I consciously self sabotage myself and go for the impossible to have an excuse after why it didnt work. Thank you cause this helps me get a perspective I won’t text at all just realised I am not in a mature level emotionally to handle even friendly interactions with him, he is single but yeah probably as much unavailable so none would have been willing to invest. I do know that initially he liked me a lot cause he expressed it and with big statements like I like how you think or talk etc but was just telling him politely that we are only having fun.
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