Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Should I say goodbye or just leave it? FWB
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 2 years, 8 months ago by
Tammy.
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Rhonda
I have been “dating” this guy on and off for about 2 years. I enjoyed seeing him because it was easy and there was no discussion of the relationship.
Month ago, I asked him to take a walk, he agreed but when the day came, he did not respond. Finally he let me know, that he was emotionally unavailable, but happy to have sex. And that he was serious about this
He came over 2 weeks ago.We spent about four hours together, and the best part was the pillow talk. He never responded to my “thank you for a nice afternoon,” but responded to other things.
We made a another plan to get together, but when the time came to plan date/time, he never responded, but again responded to other stuff.
Clearly, he’s not even interested in a NSA, but seems to enjoy the attention.
Question:
Do i just disappear and let things die and see if he gets back to me?
Do i ask him one more time to get together and then be resolved?
Do i just say goodbye and tell him to contact me if he’s ever serious?Thanks all
Tammy
He told you clearly hes emotionally unavailable. He meets u only for sex. He has thwarted all overtures from you abt meetin generally. Isnt it obvious? Only thing ur getting from him is sex! If thats enough thn continue your arrangemnt. But if you wNt more, thn u need to stop seeing him n accept that this is finally over.
I dont think u need to get in touch wid him to say that its over cause it alrdy is grom his side at least. But in the event he gets in touch u can tell him that its over.Lane
What is there to resolve? He has CLEARLY told and shown you over 2 years that he is not interested in anything beyond what you’ve had which is sex and communication here and there. He knows you want more which is why he intentionally pulls back and avoids you to remind you where he stands…this is all you’re going to get from him.
If you seriously want to end it, and not playing games, as the options you suggested are manipulative IMO, its best to do it via text. Keep it short, simple and too the point such as “Our situation has run its course as I am ready for a real relationship and your not. I enjoyed our time together but its time for me to move on with someone who is emotionally available and wants what I want. I wish you luck in life. Good Bye.” THE END.
Or if you want to scare him off be honest and text or tell him: “I love you. I want to marry you and have your children” that would send him packing pretty quick!
mama
Sounds like he’s wary of you getting attached. If the best part was the “pillow talk” in regards to a sexual situation, perhaps you ARE getting attached.
I get the impression you want the emotional part of this too, but he’s already said that’s a hard pass. Maybe you aren’t cut out for only sex. That’s okay! But if you’re getting attached, this is not going to end well for you. The bottom line will be written with heartbreak and hurt — for you, not him.
Be honest with yourself about what you want and find someone who wants the same thing. Let this one go.
Rhonda
Thanks all for your advice.
We are both attached, connected in a weird way, even if we are texting about BS on a daily basis. Every time, i have said goodbye, he sends tearful emojis, and asks me not to go away.
The other tricky part about this is that I believe I, too, am emotionally unavailable. When I’ve met other guys that were nice and interested, I pull away. Stil healing from an abusive marriage and don’t think i can ever trust anyone again.
the only thing i have ever ever thought this guy would be good for is a FB. It’s easy and fun, and we DONT talk about where the relationship is going.
Yet, i agree — that if i enjoyed the pillow talk more than the sex, its both confusing to me and telling.
I’ve had other FBs before, and its just sex and they leave or we sleep, but there’s never been the emotional bond, -its just for sex. That emotional bond — closeness is why i believe he pulls away — he’s getting too attached and has to distance himself, not to mention that he’s a total control guy (himself, not me)
I am thinking of texting him telling him i am going dark for a while or something like that. I dont want to close the book, tell him off, or scare him, but rather want to distance myself from him, clear my head, let him miss me, see what if he does if anything, and honestly give other guys a fair chance.
And while his serious movie star looks cloud my judgement, we get along so well
Thanks and thoughts?
Lane
My thoughts: This is going to go end badly for you. He’s clearly not interested in making a romantic connection which is why he intentionally keeps you at arms length, and there is nothing you can do or say to change that if his mind is made up. Of course a man is going to be sad losing his sleeping buddy and friend because its hard trying to find a replacement, especially with his issues and terms but he will survive, and eventually replace you with someone else until she can longer do it and leaves him too.
Going “dark” isn’t going to spur him into action. My FWB pulled these antics with me, I dug in my heels, and guess who came groveling back? Problem with this is that it turns us off and when he pulled it again a few months later I slammed the door shut. Don’t have time for that crap.
Why can’t you just be fully open and honest with him and let the chips fall where they may? Dragging it out, or staying in limbo isn’t going to work because you can’t give other guys a fair shake while your secretly pining for another. Don’t use them as pawns until you’ve gotten yourself sorted out; know what you want and accept nothing less.
Tammy
I agree with lane. Just be honest n see what hppns.
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