Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I tell my bf my ex's have been contacting me?
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 7 years, 9 months ago by
Nat.
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bellen
Nothing dodgy going on, but I don’t want to make my bf uncomfortable by mentioning something that is harmless.
One ex discovered my Instagram and said some nice things. Another found me on fb and friended me -we had small talk. Another has come back a few times on message – he lives on the other side of the world and knows I love my current bf to bits.
I felt no need to ignore any of them, but haven’t had prolonged conversations either. I wouldn’t hide it from my bf if he asked, but is it fine to let him know?
redcurleysue
How would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot?
Treat others as you would wish to be treated.
L
Sure. I tell my husband about my bf.
Shannon
If you were honest and told them you have a boyfriend and your conversation is only small talk, then I would not feel the need to let him know.
I know honesty is the best policy but…I have never had any man I was dating be comfortable with me talking to an ex. It’s ALWAYS started an issue. Conversely, whenever I have been dating a man and he gave me a play by play about which women were approaching him and which ex was texting (and my most recent ex was terrific when it came to that) I felt insecure. I didn’t like it either.
Keep it on the level of casual acquaintance…one of your four hundred Facebook friends… and leave it at that. If you know they’re single and they’re flirting, I would not respond to it and shut it down immediately. Behave with integrity, and there will be no issues.
Cari
If you told these exes that you have a bf and love him and it was a harmless conversation with no flirting or playfulness, then I don’t see the need to tell him. However, if your bf’s ex contacting him out of the blue and he didn’t tell you, how would that make you feel?
Hannah
I wouldn’t tell him. What’s the point? These men mean nothing to you and you’re not being sly or dishonest. I’m sure you don’t tell him about every conversation you have with everyone. Of course if he asks, be honest. But otherwise I don’t see a need to say anything.
Amanda
It sounds like this is just casual conversation. No need to tell him. I don’t need to know every conversation my boyfriend has, and he does not need to know every one of mine. Telling him would only cause stress in the reltionship for no reason. Like you said, tell him the truth if he asks, but no need to bring it up.
Nat
How long have you been with your BF? Is he a jealous and insecure type? I find men are less insecure on average than women but it depends on a person. If you had a few small exchanges of messages then what’s the urgency to make a big deal out of it and make an announcement about it? You can be talking to many people. If he asks then do tell him of course.
If you two are very close, sharing every little detail with each other, which happens for many couples, then tell him about it, as a curious occurrence. Because if you don’t then it can come back and bite you. He’d be alarmed that you kept it as a secret.
Otherwise it is better not to introduce insecurity into your relationship.
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