Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Should I tell the old guy about the new guy?
- This topic has 2 replies and was last updated 4 years, 3 months ago by
Newbie.
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T
I’m friends with all my exes. Some from the beginning of the break up, others it took months or years, but I am in contact with most (there’s a few I have purged from my life and mind!) And sometimes contact is a Happy Bday, or Merry Christmas…not like on the daily. Well, I have finally managed to ‘purge’ a nearly 7 year itch of a situationship (borderline toxic). The agreement is to be friends, more than Christmas card friends, but no expectations for text replies in a timely manner, etc. (Gd forbid…). Truth is, he’s a mess. And I want to be here for him, as he consistently reaches out, in a friendly way. I’m dating someone new and I haven’t mentioned it. Do I keep quiet, tell him, stop talking to him, ghost him?? Trust me, he won’t care. He’s as glad as I that this rollercoaster is over. I could just stop talking to him, but then what kind of “friendship” is that. Or is the answer not be friends with an ex to avoid this. I don’t have any doubt in my mind if the shoe was on the other foot, I would flip the f@#$ out to know he was dating someone else. Classic I don’t want you, but ….. how immature of us!
Tallspicy
Only people pleasers and codependents take so much pride in making sure they are friends with all of their exes.
Yes… bob, it is so nice that we have kept connecting over this time, but I am seeing someone new. I still care about you, but it is no longer appropriate for me to be so involved in our interactions. I wish you the best and do plan to keep in touch occasionally.
Done. End of fake drama.
Newbie
You can be friends with dozens of exes but then there still can be one where you always felt more for him than the other way and kept hoping. This guy sounds like that guy to you. And you still want to reach out and heal him. I think it may jeopardize your new relationship but also your progress. Why this deep urge to help and purge? Its ok not to be friends with all if your exes. Maybe try in a couple of years. Even if he is in a deep mess, there is only so much you can do about it. In general it takes professional help to get out of a deep mess. Take care, chose yourself
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