Should I text him / is he waiting for me to text him?

“Some of my friends suggested that maybe he is waiting for me to reach out to him but I thought when it comes to the dating phase guys should be reaching out the majority of the time otherwise the girl is chasing him.”

This isn’t an effective mindset to have here.

The purpose of dating is to see if there’s long term potential.

How do you determine if there’s long term potential?

You understand him deeply. Not just what he says, but the way he really is in his life.

What puts him in a good mood?
What makes him feel defeated?
What makes him feel inspired, like he can take on the world and win?
What makes him upset?
What does he value the most? What’s meaningful to him?

Do you know the answers to these kinds of questions?

No, probably not. At least, not deeply.

Why?

Because it takes some time to discover these truths about a person.

And if you don’t go in with the understand that this is what a relationship is all about, you’ll never see any of it!

You’ll be worried about who’s texting who, who should text first, whether or not you’re “chasing” him, etc.

Frankly, it doesn’t matter if you’re texting first. None of the texting rules matter.

Think of your best friends. Did your friendships with them start because you waited the perfect number of days to text them? Or perhaps because you “didn’t chase them”?

Or did they form naturally because they made perfect sense that they should form?

Finding a best friend doesn’t happen with everyone. It happens with a select few people out of the thousands you meet in your life.

How do you know if someone will be a best friend in your life? You find out!

You just interact with them and the two of you naturally see there’s a good fit!

Same with finding if someone is a good match!

Interact with them, discover them, aim to know them more and more deeply.

When you know them well, you’ll naturally understand how to help them rediscover their strength when they feel weak. Their inspiration when they feel defeated. Their purpose when they feel aimless.

You’ll have a bond with them because you know them as their best, and you can help the find themselves again when they’re lost.

Simple stuff. Check in with your heart. Doesn’t this make a lot more sense than wacky rules about who should text who and when to text and who’s chasing who?

Relationships are simple and forming a bond with a guy is simple. It’s natural.

The only thing that could make it really complicated is if you mix in casual sex. Then it becomes a disaster.

Sex can happen once you know the guy well enough to know he’s open with you, he’s willing to drop his mask and reveal the raw, unpolished, real human being underneath. Essentially, that he’s open to an emotional connection with you.

Then you can choose to have sex with him, based on whatever makes sense for you. Sex won’t make him love you more. Sex will make you love him more. So don’t have sex with men you don’t want to fall in love with.

Again, simple stuff. And women aren’t told this. If anything, our media and culture encourages the opposite (or ignores these ideas as unimportant).

There’s no such thing as casual sex. And sex makes women bond to men, so expect that your deepest feelings of love will arrive the moment you start having sex with a man.

I don’t know if you’re having sex with this guy, but if you are, that’s an important detail!

If you’re not, get to know the guy and make knowing him deeply your focus. Drop all the “rules” about texting and chasing.

You have ONE question: Who is this man, really, living in his real life?

His dreams, his challenges, his struggles, his victories, his values. Is he open to you understanding the man he really is? Is he open to talking about what he really cares about?

Dating is simple. Aim to know him deeply. Don’t care about the other stuff because it’s irrelevant.

If you can’t know him deeply, there is no future! So you don’t need to worry about it.

And if you can know him deeply, you don’t have to worry about the other “rules” people talk about.

When you know him deeply as he really is and as his life really is, then that’s the start of relationship potential.

Do you like who he really is? Do you get along naturally with him? Do things flow easily?

Do you feel like your words have real impact? Can you move him out of a bad mood into a good mood?

These are the things that actually matter to making him see relationship potential with you!

Forget all the “dating game” crap.

Look at men like this and I guarantee you won’t struggle with men or dating. In fact, you’ll end up with too many options to manage!

And also, for the men that you’re not a match for (or who are closed off to reveal their true self), you won’t even notice them disappearing from your life.

You’ll just sense that there’s no potential with them. You won’t take it personally, you won’t think you screwed up, you won’t feel like he “wronged” you.

You’ll see it didn’t have what it needed to have in order to have relationship potential.

Hope that helps you.