Should pull away be punished

It is nice to get diff perspectives..

But why is it always the guy that shut down?

Diane.. read men are from Mars, women are from venus by John grey. I find it great for showing HOW men and women think and act completely different. …and how to approach a man IF you hooe to get positive results.

No he hasn’t reached out but he believes I am in the wrong… Not wanting to hijack Diane’s post but this was the last text from him:

You dumped me and that took the wind out of my sails! The mammoth task of driving up and down the length of the country does not help things and after driving it once you would hardly appreciate how hard it is to do on a regular basis. I am that sick of travelling I have stopped going home regularly and I miss home. You have dumped me twice in a short time and you blame me for it but yet you agreed you would lift the phone and call me if I hadn’t been in contact.

He thinks I don’t appreciate his efforts to see me (twice a week at least for 6 months) and that I will just keep dumping him.

So you can see how I am confused here. You’re telling Diane to apologise. And me to give up.

Sass, you have to understand that we are all simply going by what you have told us. You have never posted that message before btw- it shows how much he doesn’t think he’s at fault.

That said, my stand where your problems were concerned was never so much that you should move on because he’s a douchebag, but because you’re not happy. In fact i distinctly remember arguing with you trying to tell you that men are clueless and they get busy and don’t realise that 4 days have gone past without contact. I rmbr defending him even at the end but you talked us all into believing he was actually being a douche. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, a lady knows best instinctively who the man she is dealing with is.

I’ve given my scenario time and again. People tell me things like ‘he’s just trying to blow you off’ and I know he’s not. Because sure enough he reaches out again after I start NC. You have to trust yourself I believe.

Either way I do believe that in your case, he isn’t a douchebag. He’s just a very different guy. And it’s entirely up to you to see if you can be happy with him. I mean if you apologise now, fine… but then what? He already doesn’t trust you because of your behaviour, he’s going to be distant, you are going to go mental again because he’s distant + he’s normally just not one for contact when he’s not with you etc.

Sass, I don’t know all your history here… But if you dumped him 2 in a short time, apparently you were not happy w him… And you wanted him back now?

I started dating a man I met online. After dating for a few months, he had taken his profile off first so I decided to remove mine. We never discussed it. I missed his call the other evening and it was late when I finally did get his message. I text him yesterday the following morning since I knew he was busy at work. Never got a reply so I called him early evening and left a message. We both have busy schedule so sometimes it is hard to talk on phone. Not like him to reply so I text him that night to ask if he was ok. He replied and thanked me for the concern and that it was too cold to go out for phone service. Something didn’t seem right and shortly after I noticed his profile was back online. I decided to call him and when he picked up I asked him what was going on. I mentioned I knew he was back online and he said he wasn’t. When I asked why did he remove his profile before he said he was looking else where and was dating me. He said he did text me earlier and that his phone was giving him problems. He said I am overreacting. He said he doesn’t care about the online, those things don’t bother him. I asked him how would he feel if it was the other way. I told him I am not into games. Suddenly his profile is now gone. With poor service between the both of us it was hard to continue to talk via phone. I basically left a text telling him obviously I do care and it is important to me that one cares as well and to please have a good night. Should I give him another chance if he comes to me? He knows I am one not to argue. Our relationship has been pretty simple and easy up until now. I am in my late 40’s and he is 7 yrs older than me. I am tempted to go ahead and put myself back online now.

Have you met this guy in person ? has he said you are exclusive and called you gf ? I’d stop Co tasting him for starters a d let him reach out to you.

contacting him***

Sounds like you two a face to face conversation… glitch phone service only complicates things…

Thank you…….he has text and wants to call me later to talk.

So exactly 10 days after the fight where I said hurtful things, we are back together…..

No sleeping together yet, but talking in length with each other, chatting and laughing together… Feel good again… I do hope to keep sex off the table for another 2 weeks to ensure full recovery of both..

Thanks every one, and wish all you ladies find true love soon.

Good Diane, that’s great to hear! I think keeping sex off the table is a perfect idea too. I hope this is the start of something amazing for you x

“Update”

Well, ladies, I guess I was too optimistic too sure.

So last Friday, we had a long talk, he told me how much he missed me, how much pain he felt…. So I thought we were fully reconciled…

Came Saturday, things still felt odd, so I finally reached out Saturday night..

1 he repeatedly said how much he missed me, miss spending time w me, miss seeing me, even miss my voice
2. Every single bit of pain I felt, he felt the same
3. If he can get himself to do it, he only want to be friend w me now….
4. He does not if that is possible at all
5 at my insistence, we agree to citrine chat, “maybe do things together on weekend”, but he does not want to sleep w me now…

Honestly, I was sad I hurt him so bad, but I was more shock that I hurt him so bad!!!!!! If you know what I meant..

So Sunday, all of sudden, I started to feel to feel a sense of calmness… Did not reach out, just went about my own life…

My own feeling towards him now feels like “oh, well”