Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › Signs?
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Lane.
-
AuthorPosts
-
Anonymous
Hey guys! I’m dealing with something and I need some clarity. Starting last month, I’ve had countless dreams of my boyfriend leaving me with some other women or just flat out cheating on me. I never understood and is quite frustrating because it gets to me and make me question my boyfriend sometimes. I know for the past few weeks, things have been off. He doesn’t seem totally invested as he usually is (eso in the beginning of the relationship), almost kind of seems bored or me with his tone. He tells me differently so I try my best to understand and trust him. However, his actions almost never change. I would like to add that he tends to text really late at night on Snapchat, but of course I want to give him the benefit of the doubt!
I never see his phone, he usually always has it in his hand or close by. He has one of those protective screens where you can’t see on the screen and he has put his phone away pretty quickly when I had woken up. I try to respect his privacy in general, but I don’t hide my phone at all! I let him use it and even read my messages out loud.
What do you guys think?
Thanks! Last thing, for me..I know I wouldn’t want my boyfriend texting the opposite sex so late at night. I guess it’s a boundary thing for me. I know I don’t do it out of respectNewbie
You have 3 different issues that needs to be separated:
– you dont trust your bf
– the relationship seems off to you, even while your bf says its the same
– you have dreams about bf leaving. Dreams are not a significant sign of truth but signs of your subconscious.To me all this says your bond is not strong enough. And i do know one thing, buying a leash for the bf wont make it better. Try to approach this rationally. What signs do you have he is cheating on you? If he is losing interest maybe its because you two fell in a funk. I mean with covid, thats not very impossible. Why do make it about the relationship right away? Sometimes there are funks, they are not signs a relationship is falling apart unless there are bigger issues at hand.
So signs? I think you have anxious attachment style and before you dump rules on the bf you might look into them and see what you can do. And make some fun plans. Cheating is not that common. If your guy wants someone else, he will just leave you. So you will know. Just try a glass half full attitudeClaws
He is clearly excluding you as if he is hiding something. And the soft spot of catching someone is on communication. You don’t need to snoop but observe his body language when his phone rings or he gets a text when together. The freedom of my man asking me to check who is calling or who is texting is so precious. Anyway, if you cannot trust me with your phone, I cannot trust you with my life. Period!
Ewa
the fear that your bf is cheating is all in your head, but unfortunately it will all start projecting onto your relationship and it will all go downhill even though the guy will have no clue what has happened
I am not sure if you are telling us the truth about dreams or you have actually seen or heard something that made you think he might be cheating.
do you guys live together?Anon
I think you trust your gut. If things change in a relationship, that’s our gut saying something is off. And it usually is in some way or another. Many years ago, I had a bf in which a few unrelated events happened and there was a definite shift. I directly asked him and he denied everything and I chose to believe him even though in my gut something wasn’t quite right. I never caught him, but always knew. Years later we talked and he mentioned, I haven’t gone out with any women in years – so he did go out with someone when we were together, and I realized that would have been when my gut instinct told me something is off.
Lane
Anytime I get these *off* feelings, I sit on it. I don’t go play detective, I don’t change the way I live, I don’t question, spy or try to find out the reason, I just quietly observe to see if its ME, or something else. In most of these cases it was me, something going on in my life that was making him feel different. Its amazing how ‘your vibe’ can be the cause but if you just sit on it, do some inner introspect, change your vibe, his will change with it!
If he’s feeling bored, then its highly possible your boredom, fear, or insecurities are affecting him as well. I would try to shake it up, get out of your rut, do something fun such as take a mini-trip, go to an amusement park, mini-golf…something fun that can help you reconnect.
All I’m saying is don’t jump to automatic conclusions. Sit down, and talk to him about the dreams you’re having, that he seems bored lately, to see what he’s thinking or feeling. A good, strong, healthy relationship is where you should be able to freely talk to your man about anything, and everything, including things that are bothering you. Speak to him in a calm non-accusatory tone the same way you would with family, co-workers, friends, etc. when you have a problem, question, concern. That’s how you build, and maintain, trust in a relationship. Holding it in, until you explode or erupt (aka ’emotional vomit’), will kill it.
-
AuthorPosts
