Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Silence after saying no to counseling???
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
T from NY.
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Alycia Campbell
My boyfriend, or rather, ex-boyfriend and I are both in our upper 50’s…we knew each other in social circles for over 16 years and dated 2+ (he actually lived with me). Our relationship was fun from the beginning…it was strange as he was known as being very open that “I wasn’t his favorite.” After a period of fun and adventure and life happens and the relationship changed. We both were committed to work through things and I’m not sure if I was blind but anyway. The cycle continued of a disagreement which would end in him character assassination. I needed the cycle to change. I got the strength to tell him we needed to go to couples counseling where we could see if we could save the relationship as I was in a lot of emotional pain.
He said no and a few other very hurtful things and left saying he should thank me for saving him years of frustration
That was 14 days ago and I have heard nothing from him. He has a whole apartment of things to get and I am heartbroken
What is he saying by his actions? What am I missing or what should I do. I am distraughtGaia
He sounds like a jerk. Why would you want him? Why not focus on yourself and finding someone who thinks of you as their favorite person? I don’t think couples counseling will fix this for you.
Newbie
Clearly you were not happy with him and he never really was in, so this was a mess from the start. A joke like ‘you arent his favourite’ isnt funny if he means it. So my guess is he was just going along but not very interested.
If i were you i would focus on becoming a happy single and go from there. This guy checked out after you asked him to invest in the relationship.
I dont understand what you mean about character assasination and his apartment that has a lot of stuff. Maybe you can clarify that if you feel it mattersAlycia Campbell
Clarification:
I wasn’t his favorite during the circle of friends not when we dated. He had moved into my apartment and has not contacted me to pick anything up is what I meant
As for character assassination: when we would have a disagreement he would say things like you’re so transparent a 5 yr old could do better or tell me what my intentions were like he knew me better. It was shockingEmily
He’s saying he wants nothing further to do with you. I know it’s unpleasant to be at the receiving end of this treatment, but it’s a clear indication he’s not right for you, or he wouldn’t be acting like this.
If it will help you forget him, tell him he has 7 days to pick up his stuff or you’re tossing it.
Lane
Don’t toss anything. Check with your state tenancy laws in regards to personal property or you could be civilly liable for disposing of his property without going through the legal protocols.
Why would you want to be verbally attacked by this a-hole? He sounds like a condescending prick who doesn’t deserve you. You need to get your power back and say “NO MORE, I’M DONE” and start the process of fully detaching yourself from him by taking the “out of sight, out of mind” approach. I know you’re all over the place emotionally which is a great time to vent on paper; get all your feelings and frustrations out and when you are done, print two copies, file one away in a folder and then go outside and burn the other. Once you do that, you get to work on having a lot of *me time* filling up your time and calendar with all kinds of fun or interesting things to do. I know with COVID its little difficult but that could be the funnest part—looking for things to do that will help occupy your mind or a 10,0000 piece puzzle will work too :o)
Trust me, in a year or so when you come across your venting letter you won’t recognize “that woman” because you will be much happier and at peace knowing you are soooooo much better off without him!
Sophia
Lane’s right about not throwing anything out until you’ve checked, but that doesn’t mean you have to live among his things either.
Box all that crap up and stick it in your storage space.
Read what you wrote in your posts about your emotional pain, his attacking your character, his smugness about knowing you better than you know your own intentions… It was so bad you had to build up enough strength just to suggest couples counseling.
Do not be heartbroken or distraught.
Be mad.
Really mad.
Change your mindset and build yourself back up.
Say things to yourself like:
“Who the F does he think he is to treat me like this?!”
“What a total $hit!!”
“His @ss had better NEVER come back here!!”
(note – dropping a swear word or two always feels really good when you’re pissed 😊)Every time you find yourself pining away over him immediately remember how shocking he was. Remember specific things he did that killed the relationship. Then let the F bombs fly!
T from NY
He sounds literally awful. Don’t look back.
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