sleeping at his without sex, what do i say if he tries?

Yes so if i sleep over at his like i did last time, i would tell him then. But should i ask him or should i just state that i don’t sleep casually or?

But it’s been almost 2 months now of spending time with each other, I feel an emotional connection. I want to stay at his and do things just not sex. When I stayed over he didn’t even touch me below my waist so I know he will respect Me, But just wondering if I should ask him what he wants or if I should just casually say I don’t do casual sex

I second Heather. The only way you’re going to convey that you don’t want casual sex…is by not sleeping over his place.

Trust me, it will be super awkward and embarrassing if he wants to do the dirty and you say you don’t want that pre-coitus. It will totally change the relationship and dynamic you have. When a guy is sexually frustrated, he gets mad and acts like a pouting two year old. And God forbid this happens to you (it has happened to me) he might even kick you out. THAT is SO embarrassing. And it hurts A LOT.

I agree with Annie the conversation needs to happen in person.

If you want to do second base, author Kara King advises, you can make out, but he can only touch the “girls”, nothing else. And if he gets handsy or wants more, just simply say, “we are not in a committed relationship, this is as far as I will go”. Continue to make out. Have a cut off point, then end the night, and sleep in YOUR OWN bed.

Thanks, very helpful! I don’t want to have sex with him unless we are in a relationship. So sleeping at his is out of the question then I suppose! I thought it was ok sleeping over but just no sex. So if he asks when I see him, should I just say that he needs to be patient?

ugh…please do not say to him.. you need to be patient…..mabye “I feel we are still getting to know one another and I enjoy being with you but I’m not ready for sex yet” or something like that… I think you need to be patient is off-putting, and I’d just communicate in a way that tells him you are attracted to him, you see it heading there, but you aren’t ready yet, and even saying you want to know him better tells him you have a particular need in order to get to the sex part, which if he’s interested enough, he’ll make sure that you are indeed getting to know him more…hopefully he’ll open up more meaningful conversation and/or share more so that you can get to the knowing stage, so he can get to the sex stage…lol

Just say you are not ready, but you need lots of self-control. I had the same experience sleeping over at my fiancé place but no sex (at the time he was my boyfriend), because we went to day trips almost every weekend and we live 45 minutes away, to save him from picking me up early in the morning, I stayed over and did that for 2 months. He would sleep in the guest room for the nights, but of course it was very hard to say good night before we went to bed separately :) I love those experience sleeping over without sex, until now, the mornings he came to my bed to kiss me are still such sweet memories that I will never forget.

Ok OP, it seems like maybe none of the other posters were harsh enough to say this so let me just TRANSLATE this scenario in man speak for you:

arranging a sleepover = arranging sex

Yes, you read that right…repeat it to yourself until you get it thru your head. Lol

Seriously, it’s that simple. When a woman says, yes, let’s go ahead and plan that sleepover at your house or my house or whatever–yes, lets go ahead and plan to spend like 12 hours together inside a home and sleep next to one another–MEN TAKE THAT AS A COMPLETE GREEN LIGHT FOR SEX. No matter what. They think that’s your classy way of saying, I’m ready for sex with you.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

Yes, it all makes sense now. Last week I slept over at his and he was such a gentleman, we just spoke for 2 hours and kissed, he didn’t even try to do more. This is why I thought it was alright, but I’ll step it back a bit and keep it to dates outside of home right?

Oli – I think you have to decide for yourself what is best for you. Sleepover or not, I think the most important thing for you to do is to honor your own boundary. If you feel it will be too tempting don’t do a sleepover, if you feel you can handle it then communicate your boundary. If you are unsure then avoid the sleepover until you are sure. Nobody can make that decision for you. But when in doubt, less is best.

Yes :) You need to understand that men have these blinders on and are just simply wired to constantly gravitate towards sex. it doesnt matter how “nice” or gentlemanly they are. So, what I learned the hard way is, set VERY CLEAR boundaries with a man in order to dictate the timing of sex. If you are wishy-washy, he will win. If you are ambivalent, unclear, mixed signals, unsure, etc, he will win. And by “win” I mean set the sexual pace before you do. AFter having sex the first time, you cannot go backwards. From there on out, it will be a part of the relationsihp, and it WILL change thigns for better or worse. So, you don’t come right out and say, I want to wait on sex. That sounds manipulative and no man will receive that well. Instead, you plan dates that facilitate what you want. For example, a rowdy club= closer to sex. A quiet dinner= emotional connection. A home date= sex.

You cannot always control a man’s sexual timing but you must try. It’s like leading a drug addict thru a drug shop, lol. It’s YOUR job to put on the big girl pants and steer him one direction or another. That is subconsciously how a man knows what type of girl you are.

Yeah, some really excellent points from all of you. The last guy we Waited 2 months to have sex and after that he never contacted me again which made me realise I really want and need a deep connection before sleeping together. Anyways, thank you x x