sleeps over every night but doesnt want to live together

Stop letting him sleep over? Maybe easier said than done but yeah, maybe planning dates outside your house, then ending the date and going home alone. What do you think?

that’s the thing… he’s getting to sleep over every night so why would he need to do more?

Can you get super busy and lean back so he doesn’t get to see you every night anymore? And then just don’t invite him to your place after the dates when you do see him?

I think that clear communication is important but it also sounds like you’ve already expressed your desire to live together, correct? My personal opinion is that if you specificlally tell him he can’t sleep over because you want more, then he will push against it. I would do some things to legitimately make it harder for him to spend the night. Join a group, book club, make some new friends who want to go out, take on some night school classes… something so that you are truly less available to him, not just playing hard to get, and so he actually has to work to see you. It sounds like he’s taking it for granted that you’ll just let him sleep over.

What are your thoughts?

Don’t want to marry. Been divorced for 3 yrs.after being married for 20 yrs. Got married very young. I feel like he’s getting all the benefits without sharing the expensive.he does buy groceries but doesn’t contribute to the household bills. I know it’s up to me to set the limits now. Your ideas to be more unavailable are good.thanks.

The thing is that you’ve allowed it, therefore it happens. This is when you do need to have that hard conversation. Moving in is a huge step. He’s willing to have all of the benefits of moving in with you, without actually doing it. That’s on YOU. If you want things to change, YOU have to bite the bullet and DO something to change it.

How old you are you two? After 3 years, why hasn’t the relationship moved forward?

Hi Kathryn,

I hate to say it, but “being more unavailable” will not do anything in this situation, in my opinion. Guys are not mind readers at all and women tend to think that if they’re unavailable or distant he’ll sense it and fall all over you wondering “what’s wrong??” Why not just tell him what’s wrong? Saves a lot of time and trouble in the long run. You’ve been together 3 years and it sounds like you two have kinda discussed this already. Discussed it enough for you to know that he doesn’t want to move in, anyway. You’re going to have to talk to him and not feel bad about it.

I have questions though…

Do you want him to move in?
Do you want him to contribute more towards expenses?
Or do you want him to spend less time at your place if he refuses to not contribute towards expenses?

Before you talk to him, you have to figure out exactly what your point of the conversation is and what you would like for the outcome to be. xo

Hello n thanks for responses. Worked 3rd shift n had to sleep. Yes we had the conversation. He states living together takes all the romance out but that’s exactly what’s happening now. After 3 years it hasn’t moved forward because he doesn’t want it to and I’ve made it real easy for him not to. I love him and want to live w him. He’s never been married. He had 2 children w a women he lived w for 12 yrs. He’s been out of that for 15 yrs. We’re both in our 40’s

Living together takes the romance out of it. BS.

If after three years this is where you are at… you may need to consider that this isn’t the guy for you.

Get your key back,
Change your locks,
Tell him No-

I have experienced living together and marriage with the same person and didn’t see a difference. He was committed to me either way.