Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Slept with someone else ….is that even wrong?
- This topic has 17 replies and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by
cupcake.
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Lindsey
Since may we have been texting,going out on dates and having sex.
The last three weeks things changed and we got close.
We went on a weekend away together and had such a good tine.
Never stopped laughing,talked all night.
Things felt different.
We went out last Friday and had another great night,slept together etc
Spent all day Saturday together.
She was talking about how my family would be knowing I had a girlfriend etc
She invited me on a date on Friday and it was great again.
Last night she went out and had sex with a married woman (who she slept with 3 months ago ) she was very drunk and on cocaine.
I’m hurt even tho we aren’t official.
I can’t stand thinking of her having sex with someone else.
I can’t bring myself to speak today,she’s texting asking if I’m mad.
I’m not mad I’m hurt.
I feel not good enough
Have I got any reason to be hurt ?Ames
How did you find out? She told you? Are you interested in pursuing a RS with someone who parties like that? And who sleeps with married people? That shows a bit of lack of moral character. If you end up in a RS, you’d have to worry about her partying and making poor decisions like that. Not to mention worrying about her safety and well being. Sounds like an unhealthy situation to be in. Whether you are angry/hurt is up to you. If you don’t feel like responding, then don’t. Let her simmer in it…maybe she should consider the consequences of her actions. I would be upset because it’s disrespectful on her part. But you’re not here to be her judge. If you let her treat you like this now, she may continue to act like this…and you’ll be a doormat. Stand up for yourself. Consider what you want in a partner. I’m guessing a recklessness and selfishness are not qualities that would top the list…
Raven
She cheets & does hard drugs, what a catch!
Sophia
I would definitely be hurt too. And pissed off!
I never bought into the bull about being “official”. If I’m texting/talking/dating and sleeping with someone for months you’d better believe it’s official.
Have all that since May, have a great Friday night together and have her party and sleep with someone else on Saturday?!
Nah. No way. Not to be trusted. Deal breaker for sure. She’d never hear from me again.
Lindsey
I’m really hurt this time and her line is “well we aren’t official and aren’t a couple”
Two weeks ago we were on holiday together,sat up all night talking and laughing.
I thought it was heading somewhere this time.
She’s hurting me too much.
I have feelings for her.
It doesn’t matter who these girls are she just has to sleep with anyone.
She’s said I know what she’s like and she likes to do what she’s doing.
Well then that’s ok but I’m gone.Lindsey
I found out because she put a Snapchat on and I seen a part of the girls head.
I asked her and she told me.Sophia
“well we aren’t official and aren’t a couple” is a total cop out excuse. Here you are thinking things are on a steady track progressing forward in a healthy manner and she does that?
And you found out from part of a picture? Otherwise you’d never have known about it. There are probably others you don’t know about.
Look, if she doesn’t see you two as a couple, and states this is what she’s like and plans to continue getting down with whomever catches her eye whenever she wants, you have no future with her.
She has point blank made it clear she’s not going to change because she doesn’t want to. You’re NEVER going to get a commitment from her. She doesn’t want one. Not with anybody.
You want the complete opposite of her and that’s never going to change either. I’m sorry but it’s best you cut her off once and for all for your own peace of mind.
Here’s the reality (I apologize in advance because I’m never this harsh) while you’re at home really heartbroken she’s out getting wasted and laid behind your back. No loyalty to anyone but herself.
Please PLEASE walk away.
Ames
Sorry to keep posting on here (procrastinating from grad school applications–not just a loser with no life ha). But people use the “no label” garbage excuse as an EXCUSE for poor behavior. She also sounds immature–posting that on snap. How old are you guys? And you don’t need to be official to respect another human being. Not to mention the risk she’s putting you at for STDs, etc. She sounds like a selfish person. Her needs become before yours. Teach her a lesson..if she wants to be a subpar person, she can experience what the universe throws back at her. She didn’t even apologize…and probably wouldn’t have told you if you hadn’t seen her lame snap…I wouldn’t even engage in conversation with that troll.
kaye
You have been seeing her since May and having sex but never become exclusive. She slept with someone 3 months ago while you were seeing each other and again the other night. Just because “Things felt different” to you doesn’t mean they are. And obviously with her throwing out the “we aren’t official and aren’t a couple” line as an excuse it’s very clear where she stands.
Not sure why you want to get involved with someone who does cocaine and sleeps with married people. And why are you dating someone who won’t even agree to an exclusive relationship? Of course you are hurt! This is where you walk away because this isn’t the relationship you want. Otherwise you are just continuing to allow this person to use you and trample all over your heart.
Kathy
I’d say, You’re right, We aren’t a couple, I don’t want you, and we’re done!
She needs to go on with her sleazy self…
Lindsey
I’m 32 and she is 37.
Every weekend I don’t see her she sleeps with someone different.
There’s about 10 girls I know about.
This girl this was the second time she slept with her.
She’s married tho.
I find it disgusting
I would treat her so well,I think I’m a nice person,I’m loyal yet this is the type of people she will sleep with.
I don’t know what more I could have done to stop her eyes wandering.
When we are out it doesn’t matter who the girl is she will talk/chat to them.
Even when I’m there.Ames
Okay….so no offense..what is your fascination with her? Is she incredibly hot? Maybe it makes up for her incredible lack of self-esteem (amongst other things). Sorry for the disrespect..you are dealing with hard emotions..please don’t react with them. Don’t even give her the time of day. She doesn’t deserve it. Engaging–even sending “we’re done” messages only add fuel to the fire. The best thing you can do is give her the silent treatment. Don’t even block her just don’t respond. You’re a beautiful, busy woman. Ps I’m 38 (in August)..this is way too immature..and I’m immature. Just trying to help a girl out here and you are letting her affect your self esteem. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I just got over dealing w a F tard like this…it gets so much better but only if you don’t engage with them..be you sister
Lindsey
I didn’t know she took drugs till a few weeks ago.
When she took something (not cocaine ) and she was a mess,couldn’t stand,couldn’t talk,just slumped in the corner.
It wasn’t attractive.
At this point I already had feelings for her.
I know there’s been about 10 girls she’s been sleeping with since may.
She told me she has commitment issues.
She said she sleeps with them then says don’t expect a call back.
She made out I’m lucky to be getting texts etc.
She said she doesn’t get in a relationship till she knows 100% she wants the person..so does she expect me to just wait like this ?Tracy
“Have I got any reason to be hurt?”
Yes and every reason to not want to continue dating her.
Who cares if you’re not declared “official”. When you’re spending quality time together, bringing family into the mix, being physically intimate, talking all the time, etc., that has all the hallmarks of a relationship.
She does cocaine and sleeps with married people? C’mon now.
Lane
You have been posting about her for the past six plus months and nothing has changed!
I don’t know when you will get over this obsession with her or continue to set yourself up to be hurt by her over, and over, and over, and over again?
Only you can end your insanity (obsession). She’s fully happy living her life on her terms and those terms do not include being with you. Just so you know, in her eyes, you are a love sick puppy. She thrives on the adoration she receives from you until it becomes an ‘overdose’ which is when she instinctively pulls back and seeks random non-love sex and companionship to balance it out. The married women is “safe” where you are not and why she takes you in small doses, gets her adoration fix, and then moves onto random loveless hookups.
She will eventually meet someone she can love back and guaranteed it will not be with you but someone who’s the opposite of you and makes HER earn HER love and adoration. That woman will be a tough one for her to find so she will remain in this non-committal cycle until she finally meets her.
Ames
Didn’t realize you’ve been asking for advice for six months. In that case, Lane is right..and you obviously are not listening. So what are you trying to gain from posting the same issue? For people to feel sorry for you…or to hear that she’ll smarten up and fall in love with you? You’re beating a dead horse. And acting like a doormat. If you want to continue to get used/abused/taken advantage of/mistreated, then continue to do what you’re doing. If not, stop talking to her. Get over it. Move on. Go on a dating site…meet other people. Or wallow in self-pity. The choice is yours.
Sophia
Wait. She’s been sleeping with other women? Ten since May??
I thought this drug/married woman fling was a one-off incident. The first time after you two started dating.
That changes everything.
I don’t want to be mean so I’m not going to say much, except that you have been accepting of her actions since May. The other night was nothing new.
From some reason you like being in a relationship that rips your heart apart. Otherwise you would have walked away by now.
There’s nothing we can tell you as you’re not going to listen.
cupcake
You have posted about this before…just like Lan said! just changed some of the details, no? Pleas do yourself a massive favour and remove yourself from this person!!!! You can and eill find someone much much better for yourself
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