Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › Slow fade or having mixed signals?
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 6 months ago by
Lane.
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A
I’ll try to make this short and sweet: I have been dating someone for a little over a month I met online and needless to say we hit it off very well. We have gone on several dates and talk not only about ourselves, but about dating in general and what we want. I have made it clear I am looking for long-term as he has mentioned he is doing the same. I think not texting a lot is a personal preference and we usually text 3-4 times per week (which I;m learning is the normal). Recently though, I feel either I am getting mixed signals or he’s pulling a slow fade and starting to feel confused myself which of the two it is as he still asks me genuine questions just takes a lot longer to respond or doesn’t respond even asking him a question (this has never happened before).
So I ask, am I right to think this is a slow fade or maybe he just needs space. I am happy to give space I’m getting used to the idea of not having to give someone my 100% attention, but it does seem strange to me he takes this long to respond when it’s never happened.
Also, I apologize for my ignorance on the slow fade. I am new to dating and my last relationship was very long so I am unsure of what to look for when this happens.Raven
How do you slow fade after only 1 month?
A
I assume he’s not as interested as I thought he was then? It is just a weird behavior and mixed signals is all
Zoe
take 3 steps back, stops initiating and watch what gonna happen, you will know
Maddie
Are you still seeing him for dates steadily or has that frequency dropped off as well?
A
We were the week before. I was busy with work last week and this weekend he knows I am out of town. We had conversation few days ago about our feelings toward each other and he was initiating the conversations until yesterday. I guess maybe I need to wait longer. It just seems odd to me that he drops off like this without an explanation and he has given me a reason for most of the times when hours have gone by. This has definitely been the longest time it;s taken him when I have asked him something and he has not responded
Maddie
It sounds like you’re being a little hypervigilant for only a month of dating and a day texting delay. I’ve always found all bets are off when someone is traveling early on. Some people don’t want to bother you when you’re traveling, others go dark while they’re gone. I’ve had guys traveling after a few really good dates say almost nothing for the week they were gone then be right back to before when they returned… though I’ve also known people who had someone go dark for a week on vacation and never return.
Around a month in, you’re still getting to know each other, should be figuring out if you even actually like each other, and seeing if you are compatible. Pull back a little on the attachment if possible and stay open and curious to seeing who he is and if it’s a good fit for you. It may be you’re traveling, it may be he’s not a great texter but was on his best behavior the first month, it may be he’s not as sure or as into you, it may be something else entirely or it may be nothing at all, but it’s always better to find out any of those things sooner than later even if you find out something disappointing.
A
Thanks for your advice. That helps me and identify the situation for future reference. Sometimes you get caught up and forget to reacesses how you’re handling the situation too which I realize I’m not. Also just being newly single I haven’t thought about these things in a while thanks again
Lane
I don’t think you’re ready to date yet. If your this anxious, a month in, then I think its a sign you may still need to fly solo a bit longer.
Remind yourself he’s still a stranger, someone you’ve only recently met, don’t know him at all, and likely never will. Dating with this mindset helps to keep the emotions in check, so when a guy does fade, or bounces, your not shocked or surprised.
Your job, at this point, is to be an impartial observer, and do continuous self checks by telling yourself: “It’s OK! He’s a SINGLE MAN who’s allowed to do what he wants, when he wants, anytime he wants, with whomever he wants; and so can I!” You keep doing you, whether he texts, calls, plans or not, because when you start giving the guy all the power, you lose yours, and start spinning out of control.
Stay in control by continuing to get out to places where you can talk, and meet other guys too so you don’t over invest in the one’s who aren’t going to stick around.
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