Snide Comments

You need some single friends. I have both single and married and friends that I can go out with. This makes a difference.

Also tell your friends to stop setting you up with men who are single and automatically think you would be compatible with him just because you’re single too.

My best friend does that and F×CK is it annoying!

Your friends just want to see you happy. Being married and in a relationship may be what makes them happy. They want the same for you. Keep showing them you’re just fine with or without one.

No offense but you have posted threads about this before, recently, complaining about your friends. I remember it. You said you earn $60K and your friends said they could never work for less than $70K, etc. And you just posted a long post 3 days ago entitled “Just want someone to love” where you bemoaned the state of your love life and how defeated and down you felt about dating.

You seem to be in a really negative head space. I honestly think you’re in way deeper than anyone on an anonymous internet forum can help you. Posting multiple threads with the same complaints will not change anything, we can’t magically present you with an answer that will solve things. You mentioned that you are depressed and in counseling in the other thread, and I think that’s great. Continue with the counseling. I agree with what’s been said here in that you need to expand your group of friends– pick up a hobby, start volunteering, join a meetup group– break out of the bubble you’re in. If every single one of your friends is partnered, then make some new friends, find single people to hang out with.

But overall I get the feeling you are spending a lot of time stewing in your own negativity and not trying to make any positive changes- sorry if I’m wrong. It’s almost a new year and it’s a good time to make some resolutions and try to develop new habits. New habits can include changing your train of thought from “poor me” to something more empowering and positive. Maybe this is something your counselor can help you with. You do have the power to change your life, you just have to believe you can.

I’m with Liz, you’ve post multiple threads about this same topic. I’m not sure what more you want to hear. I think your friends are simply wanting the best for you. They are happy in relationships and want to see you happy too! I don’t think it’s out of malice or ill will. Hoping you will meet someone by the wedding is a sweet thought not a death sentence! And sometimes when your best friends are telling you something maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and see if they’re right. Maybe you are bitter or jaded towards men. And I think I replied on your last post, why can’t you find a guy friend to bring along on a couple’s bowling night? Don’t you have a co-worker or someone you’ve been friends with since college or something?

And again she was talking about herself when looking for a new job not YOU!! No one aspires to accept a job so they can live paycheck to paycheck! And if you are then you need to be concentrating on how to get yourself out of this situation right now instead of worried about your romantic life. She is right that no one can continue to live that way and not build up any savings or retirement. I think you are unhappy about a lot of things in your life including your financial situation. You life is not great or you wouldn’t be here posting multiple threads about the same thing upset and hurting over what your friends say.

I think your bitterness at the pain you have experienced in past relationships is a dark cloud over your relationships even with your friends. And their well meaning comments you take as literal stabs in your back. I truly want you to strive to be happy for them and for yourself. Take the new year as a chance to get your life in order! Examine why are you in debt? Do you buy things you don’t need to make yourself feel better and rack up credit card debt? Are you driving a vehicle you can’t afford? What habits are contributing to your debt? Can you consolidate it for a lower interest rate and payment? Do you have items you don’t use you can sell or pawn to build up an emergency fund? Focus on one aspect at a time. Right now your financial health. You won’t believe the stress that is lifted off of you once you aren’t living paycheck to paycheck and worried about any single thing like car repairs or medical bills that could easily derail you. Then once you feel good about yourself and your independence you won’t believe the positive vibes you put out in the world and how it attracts others to want to be around you.

See I hate when people post just find a guy friend to take bowling. You are the same as my friends. Like its so easy. I’m not dumb. All my guy friends have girl friends. Its so hard to meet men. All guys around my age are already committed so can’t be friends or more.

I work with all older married people. Its hard to meet men. Was online for years meeting men who weren’t right or good for me. I’ve had guys call me fat, at a size 10, guys tell me my small regional accent was horrible, guys tell me its not a good time right now after being all over me. I’ve had guys just up and leave with no answers after 6 months. Had guys take off after meeting my family, exchanging christmas gifts, after I give my heart. Guys who emotionally manipulated me. Hurt me. After I was so kind and caring.

So no, I don’t have single guy friends, and hell yes I’m bitter. Be treated that way and tell me you’d be so positive. My friends act like they are in a fairy tale. And act like that’s reality, like hope you find that too. No, you are just ignoring your boyfriends pot addiction, bad credit, and poor family dynamic. I live in reality. Red flags are not red roses. That’s why I’m single.

I sell, I consolidate, I refinance, and I still have to pay over $1000 a month just in student debt. I drive a cheaper car. I live in a nice place, but a nice, small, affordable place in not the best area. Again, its hard for others to understand unless you are in my exact situation. I’d love for my friends to live like me for a week. Its not a horrible life, but I’m alone and money is a huge issue. They have no debt. Mommy and daddy paid for them and they got more aid than me. My family makes “too much” to be eligible for aid, when in reality my family struggles financially too and didn’t have over 100,000 dollars for college for me.

My friends are getting married, traveling, buying homes, split between two people. Two.

Its an easier burden to handle between two people.

Until I pay off my student debt, I can’t have savings or a retirement fund.

I have a masters degree.

I make over 50,000 a year, but its all debt, debt, debt.

So no, I don’t appreciate being told, well hopefully you meet someone by my wedding. I find it insulting, not supportive or caring. Like hopefully someone falls out of the sky for you. Hopefully you have a date so you aren’t the only single one. What if I am? There’s nothing wrong with that.

I won’t online date again. There’s a reason all those men are on there single. Baggage. Every time.

I eat all my feelings. Every day I eat my anxiety and pain. I’ve gained 30 pounds probably this year alone and 70 total in the past 3 to 4 years. I’m trying to change, but when your friends don’t understand your pain, its hard to feel understood or supported. My counselor helps, a little, but its really not 1000% working for me. I like it, but I don’t see heaps of change from it like it did in my past. I come on here hoping someone lives my life, lives in my shoes, just to tell me I can do it and get out of this endless emotional pain I feel over past situations and the hate I feel for myself.

Its true that some people have it worse than others. Life isnt fair and its also true that its harder to get by single instead of a couple. My friends were couples and when we went away for a trip, they saw their contribution as a household until i simply said thats not fair to me: this way i pay double. Of course they were fine changing it.
But the bottom line is: moping about it every single day wont help you one bit especially when now you are eating your misery away. You have an excuse for everything: you dont like to do things alone for savety reasons, youre in debt but thats on the family, you cant find single friends since you work with old people and then you blaim us for not seeing how difficult it is. You are your own personal road block and only you can change that. Right now im reading a book from Judith Beck about dietsolutions based on conditional therapy her dad did groundbreaking work in. Im reading it to help me stop smoking. Its working. Only by changing you way of thinking you can change outcomes. Its very powerful

And for the record, i’m in my early 40s and spent years as a broke single mom. I’m still dealing with debt from those years, but getting better. I spent years single, or in relationships that were unsatisfactory. I met a great guy online (imagine that) almost 2 years ago. I can honestly say it’s the best realtionship i’ve been in. But i struggled in my 20s and 30s, believe me.

My point is, i’m more than a decade older than you. You’re 29. You have time. Sometimes things don’t perfectly fall into place just because you want them to. You can’t totally control when you meet the “right” guy. You can only control you & your attitude.

I don’t blame my friends for the negativity in my life or any of my problems. Ny friends never hurt me badly or added pain.

I have a lot of anger because men have hurt me so badly. I’m broken. I am smarter from learning from these experiences, but every time I trust again, put myself out there, it just seems to go bad.

I’m angry at men who never gave me answers, who said they loved me, and turned around and left me. I never deserved that. I have a huge heart. I give my all and more. That’s just me.

I look back and one man had respect for me. One – out of the many I’ve dated. One openly told me he didn’t want to date because his life plan was to move in a year, but that I was a wonderful woman and if circumstances were different for him, he would definitely date me because be did like me a lot. We remained friends after that and I had so much respect for him for just being honest with me.

No one else has. They lie, cheat, ignore.

I get mad at my friends, because I see them going down the same road as me sometimes. Trusting guys with huge red flags and I try to warn them but they are in love and blind. I am happy for them if they found someone, I just don’t want to see them get hurt like I’ve been, because I suffer with it every day.

I don’t know how to get rid of the pain. My counselor really hasn’t helped with this at all. I don’t want to be this way. I want to be happy, carefree, fun. I’m so bitter. No guy will want me this way, but they didn’t want me when I was being my light loving self either. So I feel so lost with myself.

Its lonely when your friends are so happy and I’m just not. They don’t understand, because they are all in relationship bliss. I’m hurting.

I’m happy for my friends. Sad for me. Weddings, bridal showers, honeymoons, its like a stab to me, like hey you’re a failure who hasn’t made it work with anyone and has no prospects going for you. That you’ll never be doing that stuff, or by the time you do, your friends will be having children and light years away from you. I feel this pain that I’m being left behind, like a loser.

I listened to a TED Talk that might help:
“Dr. Wayne Dyer’s Top 10 Rules For Success”
Give it a listen or 10…