Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › So Confused By Him
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by Tammy.
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Melissa
I met Brad 3 weeks ago. He is a friend of a friend of a friend. We hit it off the day we met and ended up going for our first date that night after hanging out with the friend group. Since then, he texted me every day and we went out on a more few dates. Then on date #3 he told me that the day we met, he’d broken up with his girlfriend. They’d been on and off for the last 2 years and it was a very toxic and abusive relationship that really messed him up. On top of that, he said the last 5 years have been the “worst of his life” so he isn’t looking for a relationship. He didn’t completely close the door on it, saying “maybe in the future” and asked if we could still be friends.
Since becoming “just friends,” his texts have become odd. He still texts me daily, but with just a “good morning” or “hey how are you?” or “how’s your day going?” I answer then I don’t hear from him until the next day. I’ve tried texting and asking him questions, and the first time he answered “no. how are you this evening? Since then, he doesn’t even acknowledge the texts I send or questions I ask. This has been going on for a week now. I’ve stopped initiating contact and I now answer his texts with “good. How are you?” knowing he won’t respond. I’m just really confused with this. Like, HE is the one who wanted to be friends. And if he’s changed his mind, can’t he just tell me or even ghost me!? I’d actually prefer he ghost me then send these random “how are you” texts every day then disappear until the next day. Like, what is he thinking? Should I even ask him what’s going on? Like, I know he’s recovering from the worst years of his life and this toxic relationship. But like, this is weird, right?
MaddieHe’s either lonely but doesn’t want commitment or anything remotely real but likes knowing someone is hanging onto his texts, or he’s a coward and is trying to get you to be the one to fade out on his dead end behavior. And if you’re concerned about his weird texts, that’s exactly what you should do! Fade out. You don’t owe him anything, and you’re having a one-sided conversation. Analyzing him is a waste of time because it doesn’t change that he isn’t going to show up for you as a friend or as a romantic partner. People who don’t close doors while also not putting in any real effort are time wasters. You don’t need to wait for them to decide for you, because they’ll just endlessly string you along until you leave.
Ewabecause when men say , let’s just be friends, they don’t mean to be friends , that’s for you to take a hint. Stop replying to his texts.
MelissaI was thinking the same thing. Although, I did leave out 1 detail that might make a difference. I was literally treating him like a friend and when he texted me Sunday (at this point he was being normal), I told him I went on a date with with someone else. I quickly followed up, “It was ok. But I wasn’t feeling it.” Since then he’s been doing the weird text thing. I’m guessing I shouldn’t have told him I went on a date. I screwed up. I get that. But, be an adult and talk to me. So, I guess I’ll just stop respond and take this as a lesson learned.
TammyThe guy got friendly and then backed off. Thn insisted on stayin frnds. Then startd weird texting. What lesson hv you learnt from his weird behaviour? Am curious.
MaddieSo you learned he didn’t really want to be friends, since you can talk to actual friends about dating without it being weird.
MelissaWhat Maddie said. I learned that guys who you’ve dated or have any kind of romantic history with (no matter how small) probably don’t really want to just be friends. So you can’t talk to them like go would your girlfriends. Yeah, he got weird, but I think we’re both to blame for how things turned out.
TammyBoth to blame? Why r u blaming urself? Is that the lesson you learnt?
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