So Hurt and Resentful. Can't Get Over Hurtful Comment from my Husband

Proven

I think you should let it go already. 5 years is way too long.

I am going through something similar. What happens in the end this post is less than a year old. Did you stay with him ?

I agree with the others. This is just a really bad habit that you exercise with diligence daily. It now runs you and is sounds like it is ruining what could be a wonderful relationship.

I think you need to do some soul searching to decide if you really want to be happy in your relationship or not. I know you would say yes, but you are exercising a bad habit that you control 100%. So your behavior is saying no.

If you truly do want to be happy and let this go then what I would suggest is that you write a list of all the positive aspects you can think of about your husband. Why do you love him? What are some sweet things he has done? Then read that daily and diligently. Anytime that nasty old habit/thought pops into your head, let it go as quickly as you can and refocus on your list of positive aspects. If you do this as diligently as you have focused on the dis-empowering thought, you will quickly forge a new way of thinking and this thought will eventually die. But you have to stop indulging in it.

Now you know it is 100% up to you. You are not a victim. You just have a really bad habit that can be changed if that is what you want.

He didn’t say you were not attractive. He said he thought he was more attractive than you. That just means he has a big ego and thinks highly of himself. Did you ask him what he thought of every other woman he’s dated? I bet he thinks he was more attractive than all of them. He’s just got a big head. It’s about HIM, not you.

I read once that contrary to popular belief, men do not pursue women that they feel that are above them in the attractiveness scale. They pursue women that they feel are either on the same level or below, because they don’t want people thinking, “what the hell is she doing with him?”

I think you are putting way too much emphasis on looks, as is he. Looks fade. No matter what you do, you will be old someday. If you don’t have a deeper connection with someone that goes beyond looks, all relationships will eventually fail. Looks only get your foot in the door, it doesn’t get you in and it doesn’t keep you in. Chalk his comments up to his own shallowness and his own big ego. Handsome is as handsome does.

Hi Amber,

I completely understand your feelings and I found this forum because I’m going through a similar situation with my fiancé. I love him so much, but he’s hurt me so bad with some of his words, saying he’s not picky, he should be stayed with his wife, etc. I know he doesn’t always mean them the way that I take them and some were out of anger, but it’s affected me still.

All the people just commenting saying “Get over it, stop being insecure, be happy, gain confidence, etc.”

I think she’s aware that this would be the best solution, but I think the real question is HOW?!

How do you even begin to do that, please break it down for me, give me steps, a list, mantras, something, because I know what needs to be done I just feel helpless and ill equipt to do it. 😕

Because I’m in love with him, even with all of his flaws, he’s the best man I’ve ever met, he’s loving, responsible, family oriented, hard working, supports my dreams, but sometimes he makes me feel so low, but I know that’s not his intention, it’s my own insecurities, I think.

I’m afraid of losing him if he’s the one, but lately I haven’t been able to shake these awful feelings and I’ve been angry at him, even feeling like I hate him, I can barely speak to him and I can’t even put into words why. It’s ruining us and I just blame it on him not talking to me enough, but it’s gotta be more. He wants to fix it, he’s just waiting for me to tell him how

Michelle how long have you been together? You’re experiencing quite severe problems here. I went through similar with my husband and it can be fixed if you learn to communicate in a healthy way with each other and let go of any lingering resentment. But it’s a lot of hard work and takes time. Both of you have to be committed to resolving it. A couple’s therapist may be a good idea.

Hi, I am going through for something similar I know it is not my post but I do really need some good advice.
I have been marry for 18 years I love my husband and I know he loves me we had a very good relationship until like around one year ago he made a comment about a coworker ( female) these were his words:
All the old guys are after her. Imaging we the young guys don’t stand a chance with her I don’t know what they think!!
Me: excuse me??? Wth!! He tried to take it back like it came out wrong that is not what I meant and blah blah blah so I was a bit mad and disappointed but we fixed it didn’t think about it anymore until like a month later she said to me ( I know her because she used to work with me in another job) anyways she said to me not to get mad but my husband said that he wanted me to be more like her like more sumise I have a very strong personality I have an opinion and I like it he says he loves that of me too but then why to make such a comment to her he told me that wasn’t like that that there was a group of like 7 talking about their partners and she usually do whatever her husband said so he was like I wish my wife could be more like you like you know do what he said. So apparently if he is right then she thought different and I told him there is only 2 reason why she told me. first : she thinks he is hitting on her and want me to be alert because she seems happily married and honestly I don’t think she is interested in my husband but you never know or she wanted to hurt me we women sometimes can be very vain but I really don’t know. I just smiled at her and told her laughing hell no I will never be like you! I talked to my husband about it I didn’t like it of course I hate being compare to anyone I guess we all. Like I said before he told me he didn’t mean that it was a group that he loves the way I am and will never cheat on me so I forgave him for it and we were fine like 6 month after I guess she bake good and send with him some bread he told me that was a mouth watering bread so the night she send the bread with him I made dinner( really don’t like to cook but I do it anyways my kids said thanks mom it was good my husband didn’t say anything just finished and said like a little kid now the good part comes and started to cut the sweet bread like all excited. I just looked at him tasted the bread and honestly it was good but not mouthwatering like he said taking into consideration he hates sweet. I couldn’t take it anymore I told him how hurtful that was then I was putting all things together and started to think that was not fair he apologizes ask for forgiveness and all that I was so mad that I wanted to left him but we talked it out and we were fine but I hate the fact that I think about it once and a while and hurt so bad and I think it is stupid to think about it. I don’t think he texting her and having a friendship help at all I told him that he doesn’t let it heal because he talk to me about her like nothing happen and we are friends. I am sorry it was so long but still hurt and honestly I don’t want to feel like this for years. And I have asked God to help me with because I don’t want to feel this sadness I hope I could feel rage so I can scream at him and I feel better but sadness lead to depression and that scare me. Please some advice will be very much appreciated. Thanks!

Thank you Maria it was nice reading all you have to say. Trust me by now he had Learn his lessons and if not he better start doing it or he is out of my life. I know he is very sorry for what he said. I care care less about learning to cook bread for him. Whoever doesn’t love me the way I am doesn’t deserve me. I am a very independent woman but I love him and I love my kids I did tell him how disrispectful he was He knows he screw it up I am trying to overcome this because the problem it is me lol. I can’t forget that and hurt me. I don’t know how to do it. I know if she is not in the picture will be a lot easier. Thing is I want to fix things with him he is desperate but sometimes I feel I don’t even want to try! I wish just saying stop being sad would work I do fool myself sometimes but the thoughts tend to comeback. Oh well hopefully God will help me to forget. Thanks for you help:)

Thank you Hanna I do understand your point of view as well. Putting things behind it is not as easy as it sound. Trust me I don’t want to feel this way. And it is true I bet a lot of husband can say things like that and he told me he didn’t mean it and I agree with you that he was probably jocking the problem here is that I found out and specially through her. I am not trying to be a victim. And I am with him I don’t feel hate or nothing bad toward him. But you concern is about him leaving me or getting tired of waiting for me to forgive him. I already did because I am with him I never left him. I am worry about me I want to forget how do you think I can put this behind? Because telling myself doesn’t work. Thank you a lot believe it or not both post have helped me understand some stuffs even though are differents they were good. We are talking and making some points very clear hopefully I can overcome this. Oh and I am not insecure I know he loves me and he didn’t mean it but my woman pride or ego is what make this thing hurt me let see how I can get over it. Thanks again!

Hey Amber.
I was in a similar situation with my Ex wife. A little bit different in the sense that she said multiple things over and over again, similar because i too struggled with the thoughts for a very long time. She constantly attacked my about my performance in bed, penis size and compared my very explicitly to men in her past.
The painful thoughts consumed me for a long time. I couldn’t face talking to a professional at first about it as it was too embarrassing a topic for me. Ultimately i realized it had to be done and i mustered up the courage. I’m so glad i did because i was finally able to find some peace.
I have no relationship advice for you but i can tell you that you should find a professional to talk about this with. The memory may not leave you but the pain associated with it will, in time. If you do this you’ll definitely be able to find peace Amber :)

MD,
Why do you stay with this guy?