Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › So many confusing signals
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years ago by
T from NY.
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Marie
I met a man who lives in my neighborhood, hes single (divorced) with two kids. Im confused because one time i asked him to hangout and he told me he was seeing someone so i wrote him off. A couple of weeks went by and he messaged me saying “hey whats up?” i was confused since he told me he was seeing someone. Turns out they went separate ways. We texted back and forth and finally we hungout late one saturday afer i was done babysitting. I went over there around 10:30 and stayed talking to him till about 1:00. It was great, conversation was flowing and this was the first time we met in person. We have hungout 3 or 4 other times but it always at his house or mine we have never really gone on a legitimate date. After the last time we hungout he texted saying he was going to bed so i didnt think to respond to that text. The next day he goes “are you alive?”. I even asked him if he was ready to date and he said yes. But he has never actually asked me on a date. Am i wasting my time here?
Raven
Sounds like he’s looking for a hook up…
Tallspicy
It seems he is passively into you. Never agree for a first date to hang out at 10. Never. You are unavailable after 9 if you are not actually out with someone.
I doubt anything will change, but your fear plus trying to look like the cool girl is not serving you. So next time he wants to see you, say, I would love to see you and feel like going out. Think we could do that?
See how he responds. And stop being so available for hangouts. He earns lazy days.
Tallspicy
And ask him what he is looking for…. So you are newly single, what are you looking for these days. Then share what you want, which is the real deal.
Marie
This past sunday we hungout during daylight hours and i asked him what he was looking for or if he was ready to date and he said yes. I literally told him to ask me out on a date but he has yet to deliver any actual plans. I feel like hes interested but maybe not as interested as i would have hoped.
Maddie
In that case, yes, you are wasting your time. You put what you want out there, now he needs to take the lead and run with it, or not, and you need to listen to and accept his answer. If he’s not asking you on a real date but continuing to suggest casual hangouts, that’s what he wants. Make sure your own words and actions line up and move on to new people if he’s not following through. It means you don’t want the same things, and he wouldn’t leave you confused if you did.
T from NY
A couple of things. One. You shot your shot. Ball has been in his court and he is not stepping up. I would NOT make any more overtures. Also believe only 20 percent of anything positive a guy tells you in the beginning stages but believe ALL of the negative AND their actions. This is super evident in the examples you’ve given of this guy. He’s giving about 20 percent effort, while mostly showing you with actions he’s not into you, or just not into dating for real right now.
PS please say hell no if a guy ever asks you to hang out “late” in the first sevvvvvveral dates.
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