Home › Forums › Complicated Situation / Mixed Signals › So Many Mixed Signals
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
Erin.
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Teff
Hi,
About 3 weeks ago my ex broke up with me of being in a 3 month relationship were we only got to spend 1 day a week with eachother due to work and other things we did. He has been giving me mixed signals about us and what we can have for the future. Like being friends, then being flirty, showing his only personality towards me etc. Our conversations we have with eachother is every limited. As last thursday I started the no contact with him as he only wanted a few days to just breathe.. so i gave it to him.. but then he said he might be in contact before the week was up. which he had done not even 2 days after the no contact had began.Because i wanted to do this no contact for a whole month I realised i couldnt cause of the situation we were in and that we have to interact with eachother every week anyways.
Since he started talking to me again he has been hot and cold with his answers. Some days its fine seems like his getting the bait and wanting to work on us.. some days like today he is adamant that we arent getting back together and that he doesnt want to make it awkward and for me to try and get us back. Problem is… I want to try and get us back together to resolve all the things that he didnt see or understand from where i am standing. this hot and cold is actually getting me annoyed alot of the time and i am trying to be the adult in this situation where he is acting like a teenager.
We will be seeing eachother for the first time since the break up tomorrow (thursday) and i dont know what or how i should act. He has respected my wishes and not told anyone we have broken up which im actually surpised about but yeah. I dont know what to do.. I feel like we have another chance but with these mixed signals he gives me .. i dont know
AngieBaby
There’s no such thing as mixed signals. Mixed signals are misplaced hope and wishful thinking. Someone wants you or they don’t. If they are “hot and cold” they just want to keep you around for their own selfish reasons or they don’t know how to end relationships cleanly.
He told you he doesn’t want to get back together. Like Taylor Swift, he’s crystal clear about that.
There’s nothing more unattractive and pathetic than begging someone to love you.
Respect what he said and go no contact so you can heal.
Now why do I feel like you’re going to ignore that advice… but PLEASE don’t embarrass yourself. Tell him you accept he has ended the relationship, you wish him the best and it would be better for both of you to cease contact so you can move on. If he keeps trying to contact you then you need to block him or you’re going to wind up being a yo-yo, which is soul destroying.
Take the pain now or keep engaging and have much greater pain later. Your choice.
Endings suck, but you were only together 3 months and didn’t see each other that much anyway. It’s very common for things to end at the 3-4 month mark. If you’re going to date, you have to learn how to handle that.
Zoe
100% agree with AngieBaby
Take your power backT from NY
Agree with above. I’ve often thought there shouldn’t be a mixed signal category on this site – because if a guy is giving you mixed behavior – it means he’s either not completely into you (ENOUGH into you) or he’s just not in a good place for a relationship. Both -equal- Bye Felicia.
Once you determine a man is being tepid with you – make a conscious effort to either walk away completely, or just be very direct with what you want. That makes them flee usually.
F tepid. Every person deserves better.
Lane
Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to want or feel something they don’t want, or don’t feel. Think of a food you hate, such as liver (throwing one out there). How would you feel if someone forced you to eat it, even after expressing to them you don’t want to eat it, yet they kept shoving it down your throat? You wouldn’t like it all, yet this is exactly what you are doing to him by trying to force him to stay in a relationship he clearly expressed he doesn’t want to be in.
What your also doing is *disrespecting him* by trying to deny his right to make an important decision about his life. The one thing men hold to a very high standard, and at the top of their ‘list of needs’ is RESPECT. When a man feels you are not respecting him, his heart will turn to ice, and there is no recovering from it when he reaches that point.
So What should you do? Cancel the meet up, and text him, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out between us, however, I respect your decision to end it. You’ve made your decision, and I have to accept it. With this, I need to take some time for myself, so I will be ending all contact with you so I can heal, and move on. Thank you for being so patient with me Good bye.”
After that you stop thinking about getting back together, forever. You accept its over, by repeatedly telling yourself “I accept its over”….over, and over, and over again so to start retraining your brain that this brief chapter of your life has come to an end, so you can start writing your next chapter, of which, there will be many!
This is when you need to remove ALL traces (connections) of him, such as social media, texts, pics, phone no. etc. as the “out of sight, out of mind” breakup approach is the fastest way to fall out of love. Trust me, this method works the best at mending a broken heart, plus helps you to move on (get over a man) quicker v. being stuck in limerence (unrequited love) which is a miserable way to live.
Take a ‘little bit’ (few days) of time to grieve by crying, binge on ice cream, comedies, [non romantic] movies. Then get up, dust yourself off, and start filling up your calendar with FUN things to do such as hanging out with friends (do not talk about him), start a large puzzle, read books, re-organize your home, write a ‘bucket list’ and start checking off the list—ANYTHING to keep your mind off him, and re-focus it all on yourself. The first week will suck but then as you start doing things to keep your mind off him, you will start to feel better, each day, until you’re back to your awesome single self in no time :o)
Emily
It is called a breakup because it’s broken. Unless you share children or a business, there is no need to ever see or speak with him again. Closure is a myth that means nothing. You decide when you have moved on, and it has nothing to do with what the other person says or does. Focus on moving forward. Good luck!
tammy
i agree with Lane totally. he has told you he wants to end things. In his mind he already has. he has not left things open ended. or told you lets discuss things. he has ended it! but you don’t want to break up. that doesn’t help does it? let it go. by meeting after this your just prolonging the inevitable. ideally its best if you simply send a message and break of all contact.
but if you need to discuss in person in order for to accept that its over, get your closure in person, then thats fine as well. we all have our ways. do what you feel you must to make a break and move on.. just try to avoid getting too emotional or pleading with him to give things a chance.
Erin
Agree with all the advice above. You can’t salvage this one unfortunately. It’s painful it’s unfair and it’s not the ending you had in mind but here we are. You’re gonna need to ride this one out, allow yourself to feel the pain and the despair for as long as it lasts, those are very human feelings so its okay.
I think he has made it clear he doesn’t want to be together, anything else is just white noise and a waste of your time.
You don’t give someone time ‘to get over it or to come around’, what you are basically doing is giving away your power and dignity to someone who has made it clear he’s out.
Take back your power,cancel the meet up and just say you respect his wishes to end things and you want some time and space to deal with it then wish him luck. That is how you close the deal like a boss babe.
No contact means not texting,no calling, no checking his social media, no smoke signals, no letters by pigeon or sending or asking third parties on your behalf to see how he’s doing, no drunk dialing or texting, no driving by his house or ‘accidental’ runs ins at the groceries store, gym or his favorite chill spots, no reaching out to his friends or relatives, no nothing. Block him everywhere, lose his number. This helps a lot so you don’t find yourself being tempted to check on him.
You can even throw a break up party for yourself and proceed to scrub any remnants of him from your life and digital life.
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