Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Social Distancing and FaceTime dates
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Lauren
Hello!
I met a man over 2 years ago now. We went on 1 date and life just took us on different paths (new jobs, new cities, completely new lives.) Thanks to social media, we revisited our second date 2 years later because we both moved to the same city! Went on a second date about a month ago, but now we are in lockdown because of the virus. Both of us went home to separate states because of the nature of our jobs and what we were instructed by our jobs to do.Our second date was like we didn’t have 2 years in between dates (haha.) I had a full relationship in the 2 years that ended a while ago and part of me got so excited that this man came back because nothing really stopped us from dating in terms of our compatibility- it was strictly life that got in the way. I moved away first.
Since we are in quarantine in 2 different states, I asked him if he wanted to FaceTime and wine one night. He was curious- didn’t say yes because he had plans with family, asked what time or how we could make it work- so I asked him if another day would work best and nothing. Crickets. Nada.
He always made jokes about how the girls he’s run into never take initiative and that’s something he likes in a woman, so I tried to play that to my advantage but I’m afraid I came off too strong. Or that I’m just over thinking it!
He hasn’t texted since, it’s been a couple of days. Do I just take the L and move on? Or do I give it a few more days and text him? Or just blame coronavirus and trust we will reconnect (again) when we are both back in the same city?
Lauren
I’ll add- we didn’t sleep together on either date but we did kiss goodnight! Communication in the last month has been sporadic but not nonexistent. Very average texting every few days but I get bored with that.
K
You issued the invitation. Just leave him alone now. You have no idea what’s going on in his world. If you’re really meant to reconnect, he’ll find you at some point and express real interest.
I’ve had several “dates” with friends where we crack wine and drink and chat.
Tallspicy
Stop texting him and suggesting things! And the whole I like assertive women stuff is malarkey. Not that it is not true, but most likely means that after he has been dating for a while. Only do that after a man has earned you. This man has done nothing but text, and not even consistently.
I will give the situation a pass until we are back to kind of normal lives, but stop doing his work for him. Let him do the work until he is your boyfriend. That means being responsive, appreciative and warm to his reaching out. Not initiating or suggesting dates.
Just give 0 F$cks as he is not your boyfriend.
Raven
Him not responding is his loud & clear no…
Why would you ask him a 3rd time?!
T from NY
I think what’s hard is that women take what men say at face value – when sometimes what men SAY and what they really MEAN are different. Then there’s the issue of men saying something and they actually mean it at the time, but feel differently 5 minutes or 5 days later. And sometimes men are just straight up disingenuous.
That’s why it’s recommended on this site and from most male dating coaches for women to mostly do NOTHING in the beginning stages. Men’s actions will always speak louder or more truly than their words. It’s just a fact. Women’s job is to be receiving and gracious and warm if the guy reaches out and is consistent.
And you seem like a smart girl, you know that if you have to ask the question – is he interested – most likely he is not. Men who are interested in developing something make it known quite clearly. I would consider this guy as having low interest. And even if he does reach out, it he doesn’t reach out consistently or meaningfully trying to foster something between you – it means he’s just getting ego stroked.
Liz Lemon
I think it’s fine that you made the suggestion under the circumstances. But when he didn’t jump at it and agree to set a time/date, that was the moment to step back. Definitely don’t ask him again.
As another poster said, you have no idea what’s going on in his world right now. You’re a woman he had one date with (yes, I know you went on a date 2 years ago but that was so long ago it doesn’t count). He may not be focused on dating/meeting women if he has a lot going on in his personal and family life right now. If it weren’t for the pandemic I’d say his interest level is low, but things are so weird now. People are having all kinds of stress reactions and the quarantine experience has been traumatic for some. So who the hell knows, maybe he has low interest, or maybe he just doesn’t have the emotional bandwith for Facetime dating right now.
Just step back and see if he reaches out in the future. Maybe he’ll want to Facetime eventually. Maybe he won’t reach out until this is all over and you can go out in person. Or maybe his interest level in you is low. You just need to wait and see, but in the meantime don’t keep asking him.
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