Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Some Sexting Tips Please
- This topic has 8 replies and was last updated 3 years, 8 months ago by
Erin.
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Erin
Hey guys, it’s me your main girl Erin!
So I want some good tips on sexting!
Sexting has almost always made me feel uncomfortable, creeped out and anxious in the past and ends with me ghosting or vanishing or blocking guys when I feel they’ve pushed my boundaries.
However I’ve also been in comfortable and ‘safe’ sexting situations but somehow I end up feeling awkward and at a loss on what to say and proceed.
A little background
In my late teen years, I dated a guy of the same age who was hypersexual, I mean, almost everything turned sexual and became sexual innuendos, or provided a chance to get sexual.I was a virgin when we started dating so I was inexperienced and had zero boundaries and the one time I tried to put some, he cheated and alluded that it was my fault for being so stingy. I was young and foolish so I took his bs.
Let’s just say it took my college years to realize I was sexually abused in some instances by this guy and it took 3 years to realize I was date raped as well at some point.
As a result of this relationship I became uncomfortable with sex issues. He objectified me so much that I start freaking out when guys throw me compliments like you’re hot or sexy and when it happens, it’s usually followed by attempts to sext, which quickly escalate into full blown sexting, sometimes unsolicited dic* pics, countered by a request for boob pics or vajay pics and it’s really triggery so I go poof, after telling them to tone it down or I just stop responding
I have no problem with having sex in general and I don’t freak out when I trust the guy and I’m comfortable with him. I do freak out though when guys I’m not familiar with stand too close to me or attempt to make physical contact without my consent.
Now, there’s a guy I’ve been seeing and talking to for a while, we haven’t had sex yet because I wanted to be comfortable with him first before we go there. It’s not serious yet at least at this stage, because I’m also talking to other guys but I just happen to like him better because he’s consistent.
So recently he commented on something I shared about happy hormones/brain chemicals then he messaged me and said ‘He thinks all the happy neurotransmitters/hormones can be released by the brains when you make love and then he put a shy emoji.
Because I’m a bit tone deaf when it comes to sexual cues do you think he was sexting, flirting or just expressing his opinion?
It’s the first time he’s bluntly mentioned a sexual cue.
In case we end up in sexting territory I would like some advice on how to proceed.
Thank youLiz Lemon
It doesn’t have to end up in sexting territory unless you want it to. I myself have never sexted or sent naked pics to a guy who was not my boyfriend that I already had a sexual relationship with. That’s just me.
I think if you get into sexting with a guy you aren’t already sexually/romantically involved with, it gets tricky. Flirting is one thing, but openly sexting or sending nude pics is another. I think the comment he made to you about hormones was definite flirting and testing the waters, but it doesn’t have to lead to sexting.
Guys who send unsolicited d*ck pics and ask for boob pics in return are trash and should be blocked- I’m sure you already know that. That’s the thing, I think if you go down that road with a guy you don’t already know and trust, that you are committed to, it gets icky. You feel trashy and objectified. Whereas with a boyfriend that I have feelings for, and a commitment with, it feels hot. That’s the difference.
In my opinion, if sexting winds up making you feel awkward, as you mentioned (even comfortable sexting situations), there’s no reason to indulge in it. I don’t think sexting has to be part of dating/relationships if you don’t want it to be.
I dunno, that’s just me. I don’t sext with a man who’s not an exclusive partner who’s already seen me naked :-) And even then, I only do it when it feels comfortable and natural. Sorry if this isn’t much help! It’s just such a personal, individual thing. Maybe other commenters will have better tips. I mostly just wanted to point out that it doesn’t have to veer into sexting territory at all if you feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Erin
Thank you Lizzy you’re a sweetheart. Well the conversation got sexy but in a way that is comfortable and it turned out to be fun, no dic* pics or show me yours I’ll show you mine or so what are you wearing. It was generalized discussion and we laughed about some stuff.
I would never give him nudes or boobies 😂😂😂, he ain’t seen me naked yet, I would’ve mostly settled for light and sensual with being in our face.
You gave the best advice,always!
Liz Lemon
Aw thanks! :-) I’m glad you had a fun experience! Light and sensual is awesome. As long as you’re enjoying it and feeling comfortable, go for it! I hope it leads to some real-life, in-person fun ;-)
Newbie
I dont think he sexted. I think he told you a fact lol. Because what he said was true but of course it was with a making love context.
Sexting can start natural but i would stay clear if you havent had actual sex yet. Because its actually a stronger hormone release than having sex. Because you know your body best. Having actual sex after it may become a big disappointment.
This guy sounds sweet thoughNewbie
I want to add that i did a fair bunch of sexting with my man and it did help me a lot to feel more free, sexual and sensual. But im dutch and any sex words in duch are ugly, In english it all sounds a lot sexier lol. But like liz said, i would go with what feels natural and save to you
Erin
Newbie
Thank you for the advice, I’ll take into consideration, I’m glad at least it didn’t turn into a whole sexting scenario.
I’m always joking that the Dutch are well known for being blunt its almost offensive to a lot of people. There’s a Dutch ambassador who once joked on Twitter about Dutch people being blunt with an example of a government statement, it went viral.
Oh yeah he’s sweet, he’s French so I guess it’s in ze water.
As a non European person who moved abroad I’ve found out that it can he hard to understand some cues,attempts at flirting and jokes.
Claws
He was obviously flirting with you to test you through your response. The fact that you entertained it, even if it was comfortable, tells him that he can do it next time and he can do more of it. I’m saying this because you seem to be the kind of girl who has to be unconditionally comfortable with a guy before they can bring up anything sexual like sex, touching or sexting. Are you wholly comfortable with this guy? Coz if you are not, you will need to tell him to not give such comments the next time he flirts. But if you are fully comfortable with him flirting more, physically touching you and sexting you, I say go for it.
Also, I don’t like the idea of sexting or flirty texting with someone who hasn’t expressed his intentions openly. Coz some of these guys tend to use the back door to get you. Like…touching you without consent, and they think you should be okay with it because you entertain their flirting.
Erin
@Claws
Thank you for the advice, much appreciated.
YOU are right, I need to feel safe and comfortable first before I go there with a guy.
Yes it’s true some guys will quickly escalate things after sexting and think yeah it’s okay to touch a girl because she sexted and use the “You’re saying no but your body is saying yes” thing which can quickly turn into a violation.
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