soooo…i really need some advice guys

There is hope in that you learned a lesson and need to never do it again. Healthy people will not be accused of lying when they didn’t and stick around. It shows you to be untrusting and unstable.

If you think a person is a liar, you should not be seeing them.

If you are prone to not trusting people, go to a therapist, your distrust is your issue, not theirs.

No there is nothing you can do. From what i get from your post his interest level was low anyway. A few dates in 4 months overall is not a lot plus you were the initiator (at least for the first date maybe others too). You probably felt he wasnt feeling it so you called him a liar. Better is to walk away at that point. If i guy isnt interested move on. So stop looking for ways to fix this. He may even contact you again at some point but more likely for a hook up or a hang out.
You really have to watch your interest level when its not clear how the guy is feeling it. You sound intense (‘i wanted so see him so bad’) and those strong feelings of infatuation can lead to needy behaviour and not seeing the guy for what he is

No, you burned that bridge and there’s no going fixing it at this point. The problem you have is you showed your true self which is common and why one should be very leery about strangers until they’ve spent enough time with them to see their true selves. Anyone can be on ‘good behavior’ for a short bit; its the time after that is when the person begins to reveal their true selves, the one’s who have been able hide it, for a short bit, will eventually expose themselves because they aren’t being their authentic selves, and are only play acting in hopes it will deceive the other person enough to take it further than you would have gotten if you had exposed it out of the gate (first date).

Here’s where you failed miserably:

1) You talk to darn much. There needs to be some “mystery and intrigue” which is allowing a man you don’t know to get to know you over short bits of time, in person, in different situations in order to get a better feel for who you really are. This is especially critical for men because men don’t bond through communication. Nope, men bond through “activities” whereas, if positive memories are made through these activities, the better your chance of him bonding to you in the way A MAN needs to bond in order to fall in love.

For example. A group of guys and their ladies go to a baseball game. The men will hardly talk to each other than booing or rahing the contenders on the field. Its the EXPERIENCE that is bonding them, where if the experience is fun and enjoyable for them they will want to do it again, and again, and again. The ladies however will do the opposite and talk among themselves, hardly paying attention to what’s going in the field, and they are “bonding” because that’s how women bond v. men. You need to learn how to bond with men the right way or any upset or argument will be seen as a negative experience if you don’t have a lot of positive experiences (good memories) to outweigh a negative one, such as 10 positive experiences (good memories) to 1 negative. Texting is NOT dating btw.

2) You over invest in men too early. I get it, your hormones are on fire, doped up on dopamine, and all the other ‘feel good’ chemicals that is clouding your brain. When in this state of hormonal rush your brain isn’t operating on a logical or rational level, so any little thing that makes you feel like you are losing your drug (man) will put you in an emotional tailspin, and make you say or do some crazy things. I’m not sure if this is how you act when something doesn’t going your way but trust me, no man is going to put up with it or stick around for very long. I’m not sure if its hormonal or how you normally act but this is something you need take notice of, and work on, or you’re going to remain single.

3) You scare men away. The one thing men FEAR the most is losing their freedom and autonomy (sense of self). If they get an inkling that you want to take it away from them, they will run! Men *don’t need* a woman or relationship today. Men are perfectly capable of taking care of, and supporting themselves, so if a man is going to give up any of their freedom to take on the expectations a relationship requires, you better bring a whole lot more to the table for them to even consider it. Sure, he’ll take some free sex if you offer it up but if you don’t have the right personality or energy, or be a lady who can separate herself from all the other ladies he’s met, and still meeting, you will be dropped like a hot skillet.

In a nutshell, infatuation (feel good hormones) is not going to get you a relationship. Its how you talk, act and handle yourself in many situations that will determine if you have what it takes for a man to willingly give up or lose *SOME* of his freedom for. You try and take his freedom or choices away or act like a stage 5 clinger; you’ll be dropped fast, and there is no recovering from it.

Guys thank you so much for your replies and your time! i understand every thing you wrote for me and i see your point !
i just have to mention a couple of things about that story ..
its not a few dates in 4 months ..i meant that whatever was good lasted for a month and then i have been trying since then to find a solution…
as i said i was initiating contact every now and then and he was always responding to me when i was texting him (i know he could just be polite )..these are some things he said to me after the day i totally screwed up things
– i will still make us breakfast when this clears up(the pandemic) –
when i texted him that i miss him (yeahhh i did ) he texted me back – i miss you too-
then another day when we were on the phone he said to me -i do admire you-
i mean ….you know what all those things mean ?? absolutely nothing??

and one more thing …he asked me many times what do i want from him …and why im texting him still….and i said nothing…im so stupid i didnt say to him that i want to meet him and talk in person about how i feel ..because i didnt want to seem more”needy ..

no he said all these things to me after i called him a liar ..
i take it as some kind of mixed signals idk how i can explain this..idk
the thing is that we were having such a great time and he was so nice to me i felt he was interested in me…i really felt that from his actions and words
and then..only one word can really ruin everything?

But there’s nothing to do in respect to him. He told you to stop bothering him. He’s no longer interested. The only thing to do is move on.

i guess you are right…i must take a break and focus on myself and onlydating has been such a pain in the ass! :/ thank you very much all of you who adviced me and tried to ‘wake me up’
i have to kindly ask for this post to be deleted because i used my actual name and actual information (his words)
Thank you so much wish aaall of you a great summer!! :) :)