Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Sort of rude first date
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Marissa
Mod update: fake post, don’t waste your time!
This guy that I liked hung out with me over the weekend and it was a little awkward. Some days before we planned I said I was going to cook and have a movie to watch while we hang out together. This was out first time hanging out. So the day came and I was so busy. I had to tutor online that’s evening and time got away from me that I was not able to cook. It was a Saturday and the tutoring went overtime. I didn’t let him know because I never thought it would turn into this I just thought he would understand. So he came over and was nice to have wine and flowers for me. It was sweet of him. I told him that I didn’t have time to cook anything let alone go to the store to buy the groceries. After I told him that his attitude changed drastically he was not happy at all. The groceries stores were closing so I decided to order in. When the food got there I took it upon myself to go down and get the food from the driver. I was trying to make the evening go well by still getting him food. As he was eating he complained saying “it feels like I’m hanging with the boys eating wings by myself” he didn’t even know I didn’t have enough money to buy myself food too his meal was 30 bucks. So he finished his food and says he is thirsty and I tell him there is water in the fridge but he doesn’t want that. I get up and go to the store and get him something to drink. Mind you it’s getting late and I’m by myself running around for him. I understand that the night didn’t go planned but if he could see me trying to make it right he could just could have saw me putting some effort in instead of leaving him hungry. Oh yea and he said the food was disgusting smh. Like nothing I did was write. He scolded me for it all. He said the first date went nothing like he though he said he just had to high of expectations. Hearing all of this hurt my feelings so bad. The rest of the night went ok we cuddled a little but toward the end he continued to bring it up on how the night went wrong and not how it went right. He made sure I knew what I did wrong and not mention what I did right to try and fix it. I was so appreciative of my wine and flowers but he seemed like he regretted getting them once he saw I didn’t cook. Smh. I like him a lot but now my feelings are so hurt. He had no clue what I did to make that night happen for us. Yet he says I didn’t put any thought in our first date. If it was vice versa I would see that this person tried to put effort in to make things right and enjoy that. No need to keep bringing it up on the “wrong doings” constantly. If I see u trying to make it right then that shows a lot. But idk. I just need advice please. So sorry so long and for any typos.
Tallspicy
I am guessing you had to have a home date because you should not be having anyone over anyhow, let alone a stranger right now?
This is why dating during coronavirus is a mistake:
A. Not supposed to be seeing people
B. Too high of expectations created projection, fantasy and fear
C. You invited a potentially infected person into your home, making me concerned for your lack of self careSo, the lesson here is take the time to be by yourself. And bad first dates happen all the time. Just let it go, because you should not care about strangers anyhow.
Liz Lemon
He wasn’t “sort of” rude, this guy was EXTREMELY rude! You shouldn’t feel as bad as you do. He sounds like an entitled jerk. Could you imagine dating or being in a relationship with this guy? Every minor thing you do that he doesn’t like will get you this kind of treatment. People are supposed to be on their best behavior on a first date so if this is the best behavior he can manage, then he must be a total a$$hole.
Tallspicy’s comment about not dating during the coronavirus pandemic is correct, you should not be doing it. In the future, I would suggest that you should not plan a date where you have to cook on the same evening that you have to work (the online tutoring). That was poor planning. But, it showed you who this guy really is, so that’s one positive thing. I’d forget about this guy and move on. Wait until the pandemic is over. People will be dying to get out there and date when this is all over so there will be plenty of opportunity!
Amy s
Hi. Sorry this is so wrong on so many levels and it’s not just the guys fault. First of all we are in the middle of a pandemic people everywhere are dying so you should not be mixing at all with someone out with your house hold. Do you or him not read the news ? Why did you not do what they have been telling people to do for weeks now and just leave it be until
Another time. On top of this you have had a stranger in your home this is extremely risky he could be anyone a stalker or a catfish or worse so this was also a dumb and reckless thing to do. Furthermore to be fair to the guy I think that sucks that you invited him over for a home cooked meal and then ordered him a takeaway and didn’t eat any. Why would that be enjoyable in any way for a guy to sit eating wings on his own. How awful and yes if a person done that to me I would have complained too. That completely sucked. The guy turned up probably starving and looking forward to a nice meal and you didn’t even have the manners to say you had no food or drink in. Why on earth did you not just open the wine he brought over instead of offering him a glass of water. And then you left
Him alone in your
House and went
For drink. Jesus.
Are you for real ? And why did you not join him and at
Least
Have some chicken wings. I doubt very much you will see this guy again and if he doesn’t then I don’t blame him. I know you think you tried to please him but jeez I think you did shocking. And either way what were you thinking even arranging with him in these times. Please use your brain in the future.Liz Lemon
I don’t think this guy was a total stranger, it sounds like the OP knew him- is that, right, OP?
I still think he’s an a$$ but I agree the OP handled the situation poorly. If you knew you were having a dinner guest on Saturday evening you should have gone grocery shopping beforehand and planned to cook. As I said, you made a bad decision in scheduling the date for a day you had to work. Or you could have prepared something Saturday morning that you could have stuck in the fridge (like a lasagna or something) and just put in the oven when he arrived. It was extremely poor planning on your part.
I still say, however, that the guy was a jerk. He was rude and ungracious. If I were in his shoes I would have at least been polite to her, as disorganized as she is. Honestly I would not have gone out with her again if I were the guy, but I would not have been so rude.
And of course all this is overridden by the whole coronavirus issue- you should not be having someone over during this time. More bad judgment.
Marissa
Thank you for everyone’s honesty. This was not during the virus outbreak. I have spoke with him. Thanks again.
Ss
He is an idiot and very rude but you were quite rude too really as from his POV you made zero effort and then tried to rectify it in the most awkward way! You could have ordered pizza for both of you, you could have popped to the shop just before he arrived to grab drinks and snacks. Its super rude to invite someone over to your place and not even try and be a good host!
I had a date like this… we had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. He asked me over bc it was “cheaper then the pub” … that should have been enough for me to rethink but i went with it. I arrived to him in dirty joggers and slippers. No snacks and nothing to drink aside from the end of a bottle of wine, herbal tea or water… so yeah it was cheaper bc he made zero effort. I didn’t see him again. Not bc I’m against home dates and saving money but bc he should have made some effort when he had a guest and he did nothing at all – i even had to make my own herbal tea!!
Also how could this have not been during the virus outbreak?! If it happened weeks ago why would you post your question now?
Liz Lemon
Yeah, actually on 2nd thought, I’d be really annoyed if a guy invited me to his home for a dinner date (and he promised to cook me a meal), and when I got there he had no dinner prepared, no groceries bought, nothing. It shows a serious lack of attention. It would make me think he didn’t give a cr@p about our date. Even if you had to work that day, you could have purchased groceries in advance. It makes it look like you just couldn’t be bothered & the date wasn’t that important to you.
I would not be rude however, the way this guy was. But I definitely would not go out with that person (the OP) again. It would leave a very bad impression.
kaye
I have to agree with some of the others, this says as much about you as it does about him! I can’t imagine you were tutoring online ALL day and didn’t have time to go to the store to even pick up a pre-prepared meal! Your lack of planning is what made this date a disaster. Sure he should have been more gracious but never in my life have I invited someone over for dinner at my house and they not actually had dinner prepared for them! You should have rescheduled if you were that ill prepared.
You’re trying to make a good impression for a first date and he arrives with wine and flowers and you have NOTHING! And if you can’t afford $30 for a meal then you really shouldn’t be inviting a man over for dinner! Invite him for an after dinner drink and a movie and just serve popcorn and drinks! As someone else said you could have ordered a pizza for both of you and it been less than the $30. This is where lack of planning also costs you money! You say he had no clue what you did to make the night happen for the two of you but he does! We all do. You didn’t put any thought or effort into it and it showed. Sure he could have been more gracious but at the same time, if you had showed up at his house for dinner and he had absolutely no food and no dinner prepared as he said would that not make you think he really didn’t like you that much if he’s putting ZERO effort into it?
Andrea
Since this was a first date, he should have been providing dinner and/or entertainment for YOU.
For you to still cuddle with this guy after he’s treated you like trash shows that your self esteem is in the toilet.
Newbie
Youre a deputy downer Andrea
Marissa
We went out again and he loved everything. After a long talk of me explaining and him seeking clarity he was joyed to do another date. Yes I made it special. Thanks everyone.
Newbie
Lol isnt that lovely. You gave him another bucket of chicken wings? And all this new happiness during a pandemic
Sara
I really don’t think OP is the one that is replyin. Anyone can put her name in the header and respond. We all are not perfect by any means. I understand real solid advice but be respectful at the same time. A bad decision on her part and that’s it. Stop acting like others didn’t make a bad decision before in their life. We move on and learn. She posted here so the advice will come in all ways. But we have all once again made a stupid decision in our life. She can learn and move on. Plus remember anyone can “reply with the name as the OP” they can just type in Marissa and everyone think it’s her. All in all bad decision and do better next time that’s it. A lesson learned. If it was meant to be y’all will cross paths again. If not then so be it.
Newbie
Sara Yes you are probably right. I forgot thats possible. I personally thought the whole post was bogus, but i sure did laugh about feeding him the chicken wings. Anyway Lets agree this was a great love story
Sara
Hey newbie even if it is bogus whatever. But if not OP is still a human being and makes bad decisions. My husband now had to eat sandwiches for our first date because I got home from work to late to cook. Lol. So that’s why it may be real honestly lol. My husband ate the sandwich and we played games and watched movies. He was bummed for a bit but after that hump we were together since and we still laugh at the sandwich date. Lol. Hell if he date said he wanted chicken wings when hey that what he got. I just had to let the OP know she made human error and it’s ok. We all do it. She just posted her wrongdoings. And like I said with my husband if it meant it will be. Imagine feeding your first date sandwich’s instead of a meal. I would never imagine he would have become my husband ever! That date was terrible planning as well I was just way too excited to see him so it was unprepared.
Newbie
Oh Sara again you got me. But i loved your story for real. Yeah i shake the negative vibe again. A reminder now and then is good
ANM StaffKeymasterHi Sara (“Stanley”, “Bri”) – You’re right, anyone can put any name in the field, as you demonstrated. As I can see from the information from behind the scenes, you are in fact the OP. Please do not come back to these forums.
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