Splurged on gifts for BF of 2 years and his kids. Got nothing, not even a card

This is very unfortunate. A couple things, when you give a gift you do without an expectation. But with that said, I think you are overly invested in a man who isn’t that into you. A guy who was in to you would not forget to get a Christmas gift for their girlfriend. Unless he has some problem like ADHD or executive functioning issues. And do not defend the good him, because this is very revealing of his interest and the kind of person he is.

I agree with Anon that you can’t give with expectations. I am a gift giver and I like to give gifts and put a lot of thought into it. Yes, it sucks when someone doesn’t reciprocate but not everyone enjoys the process of buying gifts and trying to figure out what this person likes. You have only spent 1 Xmas together how is he during other gift giving occasions such as your birthday? Is he a person who doesn’t enjoy giving gifts? Instead of torturing yourself with the guessing game, why not have a conversation with him? Ask him prior “do you feel comfortable exchanging gifts..explain to him that it is something you enjoy and maybe in the future you can buy gifts for the kids together (from both of you) and as for you two maybe a gift both of you can enjoy such as a couples massage or dinner at your favorite restaurant. The fact he gave you a bottle of wine the first Xmas tells me he is not that creative. My first Xmas with my ex was great he bought me a bunch of stuff the next Xmas not so much but I know he doesn’t enjoy Xmas and even hates shopping for his kids. So find out the reason behind it and don’t get so bummed out and try to decipher it. Also do not compare gifts he purchases for his kids…most likely they told him what he wanted or he knew what they needed. I know its nice when a man just buys a gift on his own accord (even though we may not like the gift at time) but some men are oblivious to what women would like and don’t put in the effort due to laziness. You can make suggestions and talk about how you would like it to continue moving forward and see how he reacts.

I personally do not like it but I don’t know if I would consider it a deal breaker unless he is selfish in other ways? Is he giving and romantic in other areas…does he take you to dinner or get you flowers out of the blue. If that is the case and you feel this is just another way of him not showing “affection” and true interest than yes that would be a deal breaker. I think you need to look at the other areas of your relationship and is this just the last straw sort of say. Again, communication is key here and don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel as long as your not forcing him to do something he doesn’t want to. Coming to a compromise on a simple gift giving situation should not be a reason for breaking up. However if you feel you are not getting the full attention you deserve then it may be a 1. incompatibility with affection or 2. he is not making an effort in the relationship.

There are a few different things going on. You felt generous, so thats on you plus he doesnt even know it yet. Getting gifts is extremely hard this year. I just celebrated my nephew/niece xmas b day without gifts because all shops are closed and the delivery of on line takes forever atm. Then you assumed there would be exchanging gifts but it was never talked about. And what gift exhange did you have in the past on xmas? You call a bottle of wine and a card exchanging gifts? Like elvira i call that pretty lame attempts of gift giving.
So him giving gifts to the kids is natural and i dont totally rule out he has something next time you see him. I would wait for that. If there is nothing i would talk to him. Not sulk but like: i assumed we are a couple now that celebrates xmas with eacj other and the kids. For me gift giving is part of that but i guess not for you. I dont know what to make of that. And go with that. I dont think gifts should be dealbreakers but like anon said it could be you are not really a couple in his view. I would be hurt too if i got nothing when its 2 years in already

This would be a deal breaker for me.
I lived this for years & vowed never again…

Now, I’m married to a man who has some emotion intelligence. We don’t do a lot, but it IS the thought that counts…

Not sure what it is, it’s just a guess. I find it odd too, that his kids opened their presents yesterday after he left my house and I haven’t even received a message acknowledging my gifts to them.

Should I send him a message asking how the kids liked their gift?

I would not ask anything from him. I would take a big step back in the relationship as you both do not appear to be on the same page. I would wait to have an open conversation about this and you’re feelings about it.

I’ll tell you a story that happened to me. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years, broke up briefly a few years back. Interestingly, that year we had significant problems and broke up, was the year (after 2 years of gifts including Valentine’s Day) he got me a card and very bad candy- I felt like it was pretty much nothing and a drastic change from years past. That year I bought several thoughtful gifts for him. I did have a conversation about the meaning of Valentine’s Day to me and he “made up” for this by taking me out to dinner and giving me candy the week after. I tell you this story because a few months later we broke up because he was interested in seeing others.

I think when a guy shows you his behavior, we should pay attention. I’m not saying your boyfriend is interested in seeing others, but it is a sign you’re not on the same page. In my situation, we eventually worked very hard on the relationship and we are doing well today, but we both needed to decide what we wanted in the relationship and make sure we both wanted the same thing.