Starting a long distance thing

I ended up telling him not to come to meet me. I was getting very scared i don’t know why. He would keep saying that I feel like hugging you and keeping you close to me. I would like to be by your side stroking your hair and looking at you while you sleep. I don’t know why I started feeling scared. When I told him I don’t want to talk and I don’t want him to visit me he started saying sorry and started calling me many times. He even went to the extent of saying that he got his promotion order and would be travelling to Moscow this October but i have him no reason to enjoy. That in the end I have ditched him. He even ended up calling me a cheater. I didn’t reply to any of this at that time. And blocked him. I unblocked him in the morning and told him I am getting very uncomfortable as he is going too fast and his demands for hugs and stroking my hair make me uncomfortable and I don’t know how this would improve. And left it that.

I don’t know why I feel so scared of anyone loving me again. I just feel it takes time to fall in love. He was already telling me he loves me everyday and I would just reply with an ok, it was awkward. But all I really want is to be in love with someone and I am pushing him away.

I don’t know if I did the right thing. But i never intended to hurt him. My local dates are also not going good. I am in a small town and don’t find very good profiles on the dating apps here. It all sucks.

I think you made the right decision because he is saying all this , not even once meeting you in real life, he has some serious issues.
Him going to Moscow? I am sorry but this won’t even be possible as no one is allowed into Russia , definitely not navy personnel , it is even advised not to travel there especially for US citizen and US Navy personnel would never be allowed in Russia unless they want to be killed on the spot. so this part of his story is a lie, I have a feeling he is not even in the navy and this whole thing is a scam. Because if he was really going to Russia on some secret mission perhaps he would not be allowed to tell anyone ..

He not going from the US. He is going from India. Our relations are fine with Russia.

He has shown me on video call. He was in uniform and around a sea. In a ship. And shown me pictures of a submarine. And gave other details about his work and how things happen at the sea. He isn’t lying about that bit.

it is fine, it doesn’t matter where are you from, he is still way too invested in something that isn’t real. Keep him blocked.

Don’t you think maybe my extreme reaction of not wanting to talk and asking him not to come and meet me and that too so suddenly caught him off guard and he behaved this way?

It DOES take time to fall in love! Your instincts are completely correct. Don’t doubt yourself. This guy has never met you by he’s telling you he loves you, that makes no sense.

His reaction was aggressive and unreasonable. Can you imagine how he would react if you met him in person, he wanted to hug and touch you (or more than that), and you said no? I’m sure he’d react forcefully and aggressively.

It doesn’t matter if what you said caught him off guard. You have the right to speak your mind and say what you feel. If he doesn’t like it, too bad. You don’t owe him anything,you have no commitment or relationship. You’ve never even met!

I’m very glad you listened to your gut and cut this off. He’s telling you he loves you?? Oh no. I would have called it off after the first time he did that. You 100% did the right thing. His aggressive reaction and the weird accusation of cheating confirmed it. Do not second guess yourself and or look back and do NOT change your mind. This is how women get into a lot of trouble with a nut case. Keep him blocked! Good work!!!

He wrote no problem, please take care of yourself, lots of love and prayers for you now and forever. To this i replied thank you. He then replied that he is sorry for bothering me and he wants me to achieve all my dreams and come out in flying colors. To this i again replied a thank you. He hasn’t written anything after this.

Now he texted me that when he opens WhatsApp he feels like talking to me again and again and for this reason he wants to block me as he doesn’t want to disturb or bother me anymore and he too feels uncomfortable in texting me again and again as there is no mutual feeling between us.

In all this i am very confused by my reaction too. As in I picked his call and somehow the call seemed strange to me. I was not very happy to pick the call. So I asked to talk later. I don’t know i must have done a lot of overthinking about him and so i acted on an impulse and simply asked him not to come and meet me. It was an impulsive thing I did, it was not a well thought statement. So somewhere i am also a bit weird. I don’t feel like blocking him now don’t know why.maybe he won’t repeat his behaviour? Is there harm in giving him a second chance, he has agreed to become friends first from now onwards

I am 27.

It’s so sad when women don’t trust themselves and their instincts and let men walk all over them. Are you really this desperate for a boyfriend that you’re so willing to compromise your safety??!!

Deciding whether or not to date someone, or whether or not someone decides to date you, is NOT a reflection whatsoever on whether someone is “deserving” of love or not. It’s unrelated. No one gets to define if someone else deserves love. All walking away reflects is a current lack of compatibility with that one person in a world of billions. Maybe it reflects that the person leaving isn’t emotionally available or ready to date. It never means another human is “unworthy.”

If you are concerned that you may have abusive tendencies that aren’t fully managed yet, then pairing off with someone else with similar tendencies will amplify them and you will bring out the worst in each other. Loneliness, feeling emotional, none of that is an excuse to take issues out on another person. And feeding on another person’s emotions when they feel rejected, as this makes you feel validated, is not love. These all sound like great topics to discuss with your therapist, because if you are able to sort through some of that and be there for yourself instead of putting it on another person to make you feel good and define you, it will help you move on from your ex to someone who will be a healthier match for you. This internet navy guy isn’t it. Most of your questions seem to be coming from a lack of connection to yourself and what you want (which is why you’re ignoring your instincts and feelings in your body), mixed in with some fear. It’s very possible to heal from those issues, but it will take some more work. If you haven’t been satisfied with your therapist of the last two years and don’t feel you’ve been growing and healing after working with them, a different therapist may be a better fit, and that’s okay and normal.