Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Staying Matched on Bumble or other dating apps
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
T from NY.
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Alice
So what’s the norm or “rules” with dating on apps?
I always unmatch guys I’ve decided I’m not interested in (I don’t just unmatch, I will tell them it’s not going to workout and then unmatch).
Is this the same for guys? Or do they just keep you matched even if not interested?
I just find it odd…I currently have two guys still in my match que, but we haven’t talked in a while. I’m still interested in one of them and the other we decided to just be friends.
I’m not going to unmatch the one I’m interested in because I want to see if he’s willing to do the work and continue our conversation.
What’s everyone else’s experience? Do guys keep you matched?
I just don’t know what the unofficial rules are haha
Alice
I should add I’m not looking for advice on what to do about the one guy I’m still interested in. I’m more so curious about other experience with this match and unmatch thing.
Newbie
I dont think guys will unmatch if they are not interested. I think they will only unmatch if the girl is scary to them (lol, happens fast sometimes by just saying Hi). So i dont think you can give it much thought except there is nothing happening if no one talks. I did this for a short while and if i matched with a guy i simply said, thanks for the match. And left it up to them to respond
Newbie
I did this over 5 years ago and im probably still matched to all these guys i really wasnt interested in
Alice
lol guess it’s all just random then. Good to know.
I can’t stay matched to dudes I’m not into or want to at least be friends with. Then they see your location all the time and I’m not about about that haha
Nothing bad has happened between me and the guy I’m interested in, we just stopped talking once all the riots and things happened.
I’m leaving it up to him to reach out if he wants to continue getting to know each other. Until then, I’m swiping and going about my life…
Alice
I asked the question because one of my friends was like “Oh he still hasn’t unmatched you, that’s a great sign” and I was like “Is it though?” and I was confused.
She then told me guys always unmatch her if they are not pursuing so it got me thinking, is that the norm? But clearly it’s not.
Newbie
No i think your friend has unrealistic expectations. But are you saying that if you match with a guy, nothing happens you not only dematch but also send a message it wont work out?
That is actually very Unique in tinderland. I would chuckle if i got a message like that.
You specifically asked not for advice on the guy youre interested in. So i didnt. But have you opened the line of communication? Many people just swipe away and never say a word. Someone has to startNewbie
Oh sorry, he stopped talking. Even if a guy keeps taking thats not a good sign. He has to ask you out. Assuming lock down rules are now less strict globally. So Yeah live amd love your life
Alice
Yea, I’ll talk to a guy for a bit and if I find he’s not my type I’ll just politely tell him it’s not going to work out and then like an hour or so later unmatch him.
I know when you unmatch they can’t see the message thread, so I just hope that they see it before I unmatch. I just don’t like to ghost people, bad karma.
Oh yea me and they were talking a bit back and forth and then well all the riots happened and I think we both got distracted. I have no expectations really, I’m just leaving it up to him if he wants to continue.
Yea, I just didn’t know if that’s everyone’s experience or not. My friend said she never has guys stay matched with her if nothing is happening so it got me thinking.
Newbie
Maybe others have different experiences. I despised online dating so gave it up after two weeks maybe. And Yeah i think saying goodbye is friendly. I assumed you did this with guys you didnt talk to all
Daisy
If it’s just someone I’m talking to, if I’m not interested, I kind of just let the conversation die out. If I unmatch, then they’ll likely come up in my queue again, and maybe I won’t even remember we chatted if it’s a long while after, which could get awkward lol
Only time I ever unmatch, is if we go out and it doesn’t work out/get ghosted etc, and don’t want to have to see their face again!
Ss
I have a rule on this. Basically if I’ve had a back and forth for a day or two and then he leaves me on read, i delete them after 48 hours. If he was interested he wouldn’t drop off the face of the earth.
I get that life gets busy and no guy I’m chatting to owes me anything and i am a bit more lenient during the current pandemic.
If a man is interested he won’t leave you wide open to chatting to other men by not showing an interest. I don’t have time to be back up girl when he is chatting to others that he is more interested in.
I did used to say if things weren’t meshing but i don’t bother now, i just let it fade and then unmatch. I find most guys do the same as well.
Raven
I don’t think guys put as much emphasis on unmatching…
Alice
Yea I didn’t really think that much about it until I realized that I unmatch all guys I’m not interested in and wondered if guys do the same.
I just don’t want them seeing my location all the time if I’m not interested.
Guys prob just don’t give a sh*t though lol
T from NY
Classic example of women overthinking. Men don’t care a jot. And always remember – even if a guy finds he doesn’t fancy you or finds you too intense, and chooses to back off to cool things down, they rarely unmatch or lose your number because they want to keep a roladex for possible easy sex later. Not because they’re awful beings – but because they love sex and don’t get all emotional about it.
So ya, this entire thread read takes about 10x longer the amount of time most men think about unmatching. (Except some cowards. They will definitely unmatch. Good riddance) But NEVER think a man not matching you equals interest. It absolutely does not.
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