Stood up and don't know what went wrong!

The other bit is, I’m honestly not withholding parts of the story. We had forward moving plans, an art exhibition next week and a trip in August. I thought we were solid, and if their were red flags I didn’t see them. I also did nothing to merit this that I can think of. Everything honestly seemed good to me.

Hi Connie,

I completely agree with you. In most cases, talking helps, but this feels like playing tic tak toe. Nobody wins… ever. It’s just an endless, repetitive loop. Best to stop playing and see if that changes things. I think I’ve probably been discarded. But who knows? I sure don’t. But, I’m not going to play the game, that’s for sure!

Hi Kelly, I’m really sorry you are going through this. I, too, know the spot you’re in having been there myself. It’s lousy. I commend you for how you are handling things. You wrote on here for advice, but I think your example of keeping your thoughts straight while hurting is something others can learn from. It’s your call and yours alone whether you reach out or even speak to him should he contact you.

I don’t automatically assume gloom and doom when there is a misunderstanding, but I hate to say that something about his actions and then lack of seems a little more final. His behavior comes across as too far over the top for what should have been taken care of with a timely call and an apology.
One thing I have learned is that life is about perspective. He can’t “discard” you if you decide his behavior isn’t what you will accept, no matter how he may try to shape the narrative. He can believe what he wants to believe. That doesn’t mean it’s fact. Especially, when you have truth on your side.

I had an ex who behaved like this. It started small and grew. I wish I would have had your resolve. It would have saved me almost a year of censoring myself just to get along. Everything was lopsided though. He was always right and forever gaslit to maintain his imaginary righteous status. I have regrets about doing this because I knew it was going on, but I foolishly thought I was being understanding of his issues. However, I don’t have regrets for what it taught me about self-respect. Funny thing is that I thought I already knew all that. What finally sunk in is that there’s a huge difference between theory and practice. Theory is useless unless put into practice. You are putting theory into practice, and for that, you are ahead of the game.

Even though I said it seems like there is something final about this, that doesn’t mean that can’t change. If he reaches out he has to be willing to have an open conversation and negotiate – you get heard, he gets heard, you come to a conclusion together. If he doesn’t, then it’ll just be an exercise of him trying to push his “rightness” down your throat with no regard for you. Your sense of self-respect will tell you the best direction for you to go no matter what his input.
You’ve got this!

I hope you hear from him soon. It’s really surprising to me that it’s gone on this long (several days now?). I agree with Tammy, it seems extreme to have a 2.5 year relationship end over this, unless there’s something else going on with him. You mentioned you have kids, I assume your kids know him? Not only my bf, but my bf’s son and I adore each other– I couldn’t imagine just cutting both of them out of my life overnight like that. It just seems so abrupt. But maybe there’s stuff going on with him you don’t know about. It really sucks, I’m sorry. Like I said, I hope he reaches out.

kelly we all share our opinions and views based on our life experiences. when we are in the thick of things, we can’t see clearly and lose objectivity. and its nice for us to know that you have taken what people have said on board and given it a thought. though your hurting, your not acting crazy or lashing out in anger. i just hope that idiot comes to his senses, apologises and puts everything right. fingers crossed.

Would love an update…