Stuck waiting on his text/call? Quick fix!

THANKS for this timely reminder!!! For all those who feel out of control, get your power back by doing what she says here. It’s sooooo simple.

If you “hate” texting to get to know someone, then let him know. Eric shared a story where he was confidently told by a girl, “I hate texting in the beginning”. What happened after this? He respected her more. She was bold, confident, and knew what she wanted. She knew her worth.

When you confidently tell a guy what you want, either two things will happen: he will step up if he really is into you or he will not want to deal with you anymore.

This guy told you he is still dating others. And he still is, which is why he is not focused on you. You should be doing the same.

Sabrina, do you think one should NOT call or text a guy who has gone back on a dating site where you “met” him just a day or two after the “talk” (which went badly – though he said he wanted to develop a relatioship with me, he clearly didn’t in reality as he’s since barely contacted me other than a text back and a call – I think to end it – which I missed and did’t call him back but did offer to last night which he said tomorrow was ok, but never called or texted today)? He has clearly moved on already as he went on the dating site after 7 weeks of being off it and isn’t that bothered about me or he would make it clear he does want to see me. But I really pissed him by raising it at the weekend so that’s scared him away.

I know you advocate not having the talk, and I was playing cool, and not asking him, but the problem you haven’t tackled is that when it comes to staying over, even if you are not having sex with them, and it’s been past the 7 week mark, they expect sex, and then how can you NOT have the talk? I didn’t want to sleep with him IF he was seeing others. I said this, not because I wanted to have a talk, but because I didn’t want to get hurt by having sex before I knew where I stood with him. Therefore we ended up having the talk in a difficult way. Although he said he was monogamous, I can hardly believe it as he has only female friends, doesn’t show much interest in me, has been vague about what he does in the week, kept himself at a distance emotionally, and is extremely good looking, intelligent and eligible. So I had to raise the issue of monogamy. That resulted in him losing interest and moving on.

So what do you suggest in that situation? When you are unsure of the guy, you dont sleep with him, and ask him about monogamy, but then he moves on straight away. Should you contact him at all after this or assume game over?

@ Jane
My advice to you is not to second guess your decision for bringing up the talk. I totally disagree to not bring up the talk when you can see all the signs that the guy is not opening up but putting an impediment into getting close to you by not showing interests in your life or opening up about himself for you to know him and getting closer.
This is a hallmark of a man who shows detachment because he has no intention of progressing the relationship. Also, shows he’s distracted by other women therefore, he does not feel compelled to invest his emotions towards you because it will make him feel connected to you – that’s why he went straight back to the dating app. He’s not vested and showed that by his lack of interest in getting to know you deeper. He’s held off the pretense too long to give you the impression he’s not in it for the hit and run sex that online dating is littered with – subsequently, he could care less what you feel or your level of interest in him, does not matter. You beat him at his own game.
So be proud you phished him and his intentions quick before sex came into play whereby you’d have felt more used and that would affect your emotional wellbeing even worse. Be confident at your decision and do not call him that way he’ll realize that you’re not one of the women he uses and discard with reckless abandon.
From your post, he’s handsome and possibly have women at his beck and call, therefore, waiting for one woman that long to lay and at the same time she’s bold enough to require him to show integrity of which am sure he’s never been confronted like that before probably caught him off guard. I wouldn’t contact him.
I just disengaged with a guy I’ve been seeing for over a year and foolishly went with the go with the flow mantra and did not discuss what we were and just like your guy he put the impediment on our relationship where there was never a forum for me to bring the discussion up and being that I had stayed too long, bringing the discussion has now expired to make sense because he’s happy to treat me with dismissive detachment, just like your guy he barely shows interest in me or what goes on around me and rarely discusses his and when I ask him about himself he’ll give a one liner answer. Yes, he enjoys my company, shows me off (eyeroll) and I can see he loves my company too, but I couldn’t continue any longer as I did not see any fulfillment in the relationship. So, I laid out how I felt to him 4 weeks ago and disengaged and hasn’t contacted me him since and he has not contacted me either. I know the reason he hasn’t contact me is because that’ll require him to give me what I want in the relationship which is consistency, invested interest by concerning himself about me and most important commitment. So, since I stopped communicating with him I’ve felt better as the days/weeks go by because I no longer feel anxious and empty.
As women regardless how much we’re chided for being emotional, at the end of the day we still crave a fulfilling companionship from a man because it mellows our spirit when it’s given with affection – it’s part of femininity to be desired and know that a man is committed to us.
In a nutshell, my advice to you is not to contact him at all – matter of fact at this juncture you’re holding the card because of your boldness in stating your claim in the relationship. Wish I’d done what you did early on in my case – which is usually how I role, I don’t stick around when I notice detachment early on – it’s always served me well. Sometimes we veer off in life.
I am proud of you – you did the right thing, his silence and detachment is a tactics to make you chase him and run your emotions hay wired as they are right now.

I love how simply you’ve laid this out. I’ve grown accustomed to hearing from my everyday and it frustrates me when he doesn’t respond right away to my texts. There have been a few days when I did not text him in the morning (like I had been in the past with a good morning or 💋). By noon, he was texting and asking if I was ok. I did not reply immediately so he texted again an hour later. I’ll be going back to this approach immediately.

@Pam – I suppose it is. I was mostly concentrated on not always being the one to initiate our text streams. When I did not send a text in the morning, he noticed and checked in mid-day. I was at work and could not reply immediately, but did so on the 2nd text, because it was during my lunch hour. I totally get what you’re saying though and you’re right.