Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Successful relationship – Getting it right this time!
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by
Lola.
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Ess
This new year, I want to find love, a long-term relationship with an amazing man. Last year, I shied away from the dating pool due to the huge dissatisfactions, much crying, and stress that I have gone through. I cannot describe what went wrong in every relationship I’ve had. But I can say that I’ve gone through very heartbreaking situations to the extent that I feel I’m uncertain about the things that should matter when seeking a fulfilling relationship in all aspects. I’m here to seek your input as I get back into the dating pool.
LADIES: 1) WHAT THINGS MATTER WHEN SEEKING A MAN FOR THE GREATEST LOVE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE?
2) WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER AS THE GREATEST RED FLAG?MEN: WHERE DO YOU THINK LADIES GO WRONG WHEN SEEKING AN INCREDIBLE MAN/ WHEN DATING, THAT MAKES THEM NOT FIND THEIR DREAM MAN/ MAKES THEM TO REGRET?
You can also give input on both if you have insightful advice.
Tallspicy
Compatibility is as, if not more, important than chemistry.
If you are poor at communicatuon, forgiveness and do not understand your own triggers, you will be crap at a good healthy relationship.
If you think men are mind readers, you should not be dating.
If it feels really familiar… like you have known each other forever… most likely you are recreating unhealthy family dynamics from the past.
If he is not acting and talking like a boyfriend by 6-12 weeks, he won’t be, and should be sent packing.
There are tons of great people around. If you think you are picky, you most likely just have an attachment wound and are unavailable yourself.
Newbie
If you had that much heartbreak from dating than i have only one tip: Google 7 steps a guy falls in love and pace that speed yourself. You must get ahead of yourself and the guy real fast and get attached before you can properly vet a guy. So: pace yourself. Its not a race to get a bf. But like tall said, to find someone you have a good time with and are compatible with.
Ess
Thanks, Tallspicy and newbie…I’m very picky. I’ll look into that. But how can one even solve that and you want to find someone that has the qualities you want
Tallspicy
I doubt you want a unicorn. You just think you do. Start looking at potential and what men do right, not wrong. Listen to marissa peer on the topic, she has good advice.
Also, make sure you have all the qualities you want in someone first.
Lola
After a long terms relationship where somebody was manipulative and cheated, honesty is key from the get go. Both sides. No games. A guy also needs to be attentive – not needy. Wants to arrange dates, do something nice for you, and have a laugh. Being able to make me laugh is crucial. One thing I’ve learnt is that there can be intense attraction but first and foremost you need to build a friendship too. If you are always great friends and you’re attracted to each other isn’t that the perfect situation? I read once that where something starts out red hot and is instant fire, it wont last. The best relationships are where the fire burns slowly and increases over time.
Biggest red flag for me is dishonesty / previous cheating. People might embellish some stuff early on but out and out lies is a no-go. Also not introducing you to friends in the first few months if they see ‘couple’ friends a lot.
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