Home › Forums › Decoding His Signals / How Does He Feel About Me? › Super attentive boyfriend of ten months hasn't said I love you.
- This topic has 31 replies and was last updated 6 years, 6 months ago by
Emma.
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Caroline
Would you rather hear the words I love you? Or get the attention? Actions speak louder than words. Enjoy what you have, don’t try to dissect it!
Natalie
What a relief to know that I’m not the ONLY one that it took this long! Each and every post has hit me and I understand and agree, it hit every emotion that I felt and just couldn’t put in words. I think I am waiting for the one-year mark, enjoy what time I may have with a beautiful human being, no matter what the outcome. Come April, look for me in the “broken hearted” section :) but hopefully not…………my gut does say that if you are truly IN LOVE, you cannot hold back, no matter what the consequences, and so he would have said it surely by then, ESPECIALLY because we have a very good, solid relationship, and as he said, he’s never been so comfortable with someone……….so there seems to be no excuse by that time. I will have a clear conscious that I was gracious and left with dignity. Thanks to you all!!!!!!
PS Since many have asked. I have told him point blank that I do not play house, I am looking for marriage, not to move in and live as a committed couple without the commitment, BUT I am in no hurry to get married because for the one that is right, I would have patience. AFter all, I was with someone for 16 years and never married. Took me that long to realize it would never happen. Patience is my virtue, but I do not plan on wasting any more of my life again.
Also, I have tried to make him feel comfortable about telling me by sending in texts “I love you to death”……………no reply ever.T from NY
In my mind, there is very little difference between 10 months and the year mark when a man is acting this invested. If he is as attentive and consistent as you describe there should be no issue with you saying — “Hey ive noticed we do so many things to show we love each other, but the words haven’t been said yet — can we talk about that?”
I agree with other posters — that communication is MUCH more important then flowers and cards. Honestly, if the whole weird-card-situation hadn’t occurred AND he hadn’t said those things about you being out of his league – I wouldn’t be as concerned. But all of it together says to me you are overdue for a frank talk about where he sees the relationship going.
Some men don’t want to say the words until they propose. Others stay with women they think are “perfect” for them, but struggle because they aren’t in love and are trying to understand why. If he truly sees a future with you – he will not hesitate to tell you when you talk to him.
Lane
This is so simple…ask him point blank “do you love me?” Then see what his answer is.
If you scare him off then at least you’ll know he was a “time waster”.
Phillygirl
I agree that his actions for the most part are very positive. But the buying a card to very obviously and clearly cross out the part about love? That is beyond weird. That to me was the perfect moment to have a conversation and just ask calmly “so what’s this about?”.
I am a natural communicator. I need to see the actions, but I also need to hear it. I don’t need to hear it all the time, but if a man I love could never tell me, I would not, and could not, be okay with that.
And I also would NOT be okay just hearing it from his mom. Children have their parents speak for them. Not grownups.
I agree it’s time for an honest conversation. If this scares him off, it was going to happen anyway.
I think it’s better to know sooner, rather than later, where you stand.
Again, his actions seem to show he cares, and many men show love through acts of service or gifts.
Here’s an idea, if you don’t have the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, get it (you can get the digital version on Amazon).
Ask him to take te quiz with you that is at the back of the book. It would be a light and fun way to uncover both of your love languages, and how to better partner, care for, understand, and love one another.
Good luck!!!
Michelle
Hi… 51 female been dating my boyfriend he’s 53 for 9 months now and NO I love you has come out if his mouth! We get along great! Never fight, always have a great time when we are together! He’s very affectionate and I feel as if he loves me, but had not said it! At this stage of the game I feel like if buy now he has not said it then maybe he doesn’t love me! He did say he’s rushed things before and didn’t want to do it again but wtf we are in our 50’s and not getting younger!! What do I do???? HELP
Emma
Love is a big word ladies. Stop fretting over it. If he is a good BF and is very nice to you value it and enjoy. Look how many women cannot find a guy who’d be simply decent!
Do not say I love you to him yourself however, this puts both a lid and brakes on a relationship, preventing it from moving forward.
Those things should come up naturally or never. In many cases they don’t come up, but this does not mean there is no love. In many cases people throw these words casually but they don’t mean much.
Take care to enjoy your relationship, focus n that. In time if there is love it would be spoken. And wait for a man to say it first.
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