Taking a break from a live in boyfriend… How does this work!?!

Thank you! I’m definitely not keeping him around to pay the bills. If that were the case I would definitely shoot for someone with a higher income, lol! If we choose to discontinue the relationship I am keeping the house until I find something more affordable. I have a 6 year old so that makes this even more complicated. I am waiting tables at the moment, and winter time where I live is harsh, as we have a tourism based economy. I can afford my house alone MOST of the year, but now isn’t that time. I feel as if he should help me catch up on what utilities are due now… The ones that he has helped use. They do fluctuate month to month, so that makes this a little tricky.

I’m taking this break as well as I can. I do really love him and want this to work out. I also know that if it doesn’t that it’s not the end of the world. I don’t want to play games, and I don’t want to stay together for the wrong reasons. I am sad, I cannot deny that, but I want to use this time to figure things out, no matter what the outcome ends up being.

Also, something else that has been bothering me: he left some of his stuff here that I KNOW he will be returning for in the near future. I was shocked when I came home the other day and they were still here. He also came home yesterday while I was at work? Nothing was taken (not even the things I thought he would return for) or moved except he left a hat that we share on the bar in our kitchen. My best friend lives across the street and told me she saw him here, but why hasn’t he taken all of his stuff that he would need?! He also kept saying the last time we spoke, “when we work this out _________,” as if we were going to work the relationship out? I’m trying not to read too much into it, but it just seems odd…

I don’t know how you worded or titled the text regarding the bill but I would make that obvious so he knows what you are contacting him for. If you did that and he knows you don’t want to just chat then I would wait a couple of days and text him again. If you still don’t get a response I would call him.

I would like the answer to Harley’s questions before I respond further as well.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this it is so hard! Me and my ex just broke up after taking a break.. I didn’t give him the space he needed and we ended it after a week. If you truly want to make it work respect his wishes and give the relationship some space. Look after yourself and focus on what will make you happy. Be accepting that it may be over as well.

Thank you guys for your responses. Yesterday morning I got a phone call from him. He told me he misses me, and wants to work this out. We talked for hours last night, and are trying to come up with different ways to cope with this. He has not, and is not moving back in at the moment. We are going to try him staying a few nights, and leaving a few nights for a while to build trust, communication, and work on ourselves before we jump back into this. Distance has been helpful in gaining clarity for both of us. Neither one of us want it to be like it was, and feel like we can change things to make them work. I have been considering going to counseling for myself for a while. I have abandonment issues that I know exist, but I do not know how to overcome on my own. He doesn’t want to go to therapy so much, and that is fine with me. Maybe once I start going he will want to do a session or two with me, and if not, oh well. In the mean time, he is going to continue to contribute on his part of the bills, so that issue is dead.

I am working on me while he is away, and concerning myself with relationship matters when he is here. I think what contributed to a lot of this is the fact that we have moved so fast. We both lost a sense of personal identity outside of the relationship, and started falling into a routine of monotony. We are also polar opposites from the other, other than we are both stubborn as hell. We haven’t been attempting to compromise, end up arguing, and one of us caves so the other gets their way. I know this is going to take work… A LOT of work, but I am trying to be open to exploring new options to have a happier and healthier relationship with him and with myself. It sucks that this is what it has taken, but I guess something had to give.

I also noticed that you have the same problem I have….you wait to say something after it has happened 10 times and then you explode…I do this too…I’m better at it – try to speak my feelings now at 2-3 times of happening…it is working…I don’t explode.

Wow – who knew?

Hi, I’m not sure if this is the best place to ask this question, but I thought your experience might help.
I’m thinking of bringing up the idea of taking a break to my live-in boyfriend. I really think some distance could help us evaluate the relationship and how we can work to make it better. I sincerely never want to break up with him or be with anyone else, but I do think taking a couple weeks to breathe on our own could be good for us both.
The primary problem is that we live together and don’t have family close enough by to stay with. We are both students (at different school but about equal distance from our home) who need to be on campus daily. I guess the 2 solutions are either try to find a friend to stay with or stay at a hotel/Airbnb. Paying to stay elsewhere would probably limit our break to a couple of days at best due to the expense. I’m worried that asking a friend to stay at their house will not only draw a lot of unwanted questions and attention but also be an inconvenience (I guess at age 30 I’ve drifted away from most of my close friends from younger times and get squeamish at the thought of intruding on someone). Are there any options I’m not considering?
I would really appreciate any advice or words of wisdom. Thank you :)

Hey,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and half . Our relationship moved pretty quick, within 5 months of our relationship I found I was pregnant with a baby boy . We rushed in getting an apartment before our due date . Only because we did not want to be uncomfortable in our parents house and having to go from house to another. As any other relationship we had put ups and downs. Our main arguements were about him not understanding me, communication, romance, always being late, putting me as his first priority, and family differences. When the baby arrived, things became very stressful, between work and school . It was hard to keep up with each other . Any little thing he did that wasn’t my way or the correct way bothered me . I’m the type of person who likes things to be done in a timely manner and to be honest get things done my way . My boyfriend is very book smart but he does thing without having common sense . For a while now, I’ve been feeling alone, distant, insecure, angry, and unwanted . Which has me thinking maybe I should take a break from everyone and every thing . But I can’t just do that . Many times in our relationship I have threatn him I was going to leave him and find someone who appreciates and shows me that I’m worth it . But I never do leave . We usually end up talking he next day after the arguements say sorry and we love eachother then later have intercourse . I feel like all the sorrys are just a cover to saying we need a break . I know he loves me and I love him . He never realize that he never puts me first or show me enough affection. The other day we went to dinner with our baby , he saw a girl come through the door and he stared at her . My boyfriends ex’s had bigger body than I do . I’m very petite . So the next day I bought it up and he told me “it’s not my fault she had a nice body “ this really hurt me . Cause I’ve been insecure cause I’m small . After that day I have been questioning our relationship and myself .i has three long term relationships before him. My last relationship I was mentally,verbally and emotionally abusive for 3 yr After 1 1/2 I got into a relationship with him . Now I just feel like my boyfriend is not the one for me . I feel like we both have a lot of maturing to do . And we need to figure out what is the right and wrong way of doing things . When we argue we yell and curse at eachother . I tend to through little things and walk away as he just keeps talking /yelling . What should I do if I live with him and have a little boy ?