Taking a two week break

Anon I wish. It actually crossed my mind to take an extra day or two off just to go on a weekend somewhere but it’s a busy period and won’t be seen too positivelyby my bosses. The week is almost over. Nice suggestion though thank you.

I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. I agree with the others that it is absolutely imperative you don’t break no contact and you give him this 2 week break to think. I really do hope that after spending 5 out of 7 nights a week with you not having you for two weeks will give him the wakeup call he needs to move to the next step. Something similar happened with my husband and I. We got into a fight when we were dating and I had to put my foot down on something and we broke up for a few days. He says those 4 days were the longest of his life. During that time he realized what not having me in his life or his future would feel like and he knew I was the only one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He proposed 3 months later.

But I would be really cautious even if he does come around because while living together is a step in the right direction, I personally wouldn’t do it without being engaged. I really think the next step after a year and a half is an engagement.

Hi Kaye thank you for sharing your experience. It gives me some hope but may I ask who reached out to who after those 4days?

I’ve been ting to give him the benefit of the doubt cause i know he isn’t a bad guy but i don’t feel very hopeful today.

I’m starting to think two weeks is a long time when you really want to be with someone. No contact at all, I mean fine not seeing eachother but no contact at all isn’t it like torture?

I don’t know what to expect any more and most feedback or most stuff I read online is all negative. And yet when I last spoke to him no didn’t feel like it was for a bad outcome I felt it was genuinely because he needed to understand his own insecurities.
Anyway was wondering who reached out to who in your case. Cause if it was him that’s a very good sign. I’m fight with myself not to contact. I mean I won’t but it is hard.

Im really happy you resisted the urge to contact him but instead came here for support. It could potentiallt ruin his thinking proces if you did contact him. I still think its odd that a guy 36 years old wants this break, but it is what it is. Im rooting for you. Try to do something fun as well in this period because it will show you you can have a good tome without him as well. See a movie, have a nice diner etc. It really helps

Newbie
It’s not about being invincible. Men aren’t nesters. In general men are loners. They do just fine with or without gfs. There are exceptions, and there are even some men who have to have a woman in his life, I’ve seen some men who won’t break up until he finds the next woman.

But for the most part, it has nothing to do with passing by a good thing. Men don’t think that way. And besides, just because you think it’s a good thing doesn’t mean he feels that way. If a man doesn’t find you to be the woman he wants to settle down with, he isn’t passing up a good thing. He simply has found the right good woman that appeals to him. Just because you are a loyal partner and treat the man well doesn’t mean you are a good fit for each other.

I’m sorry but you are not using this time wisely at all!!!

Why are you just sitting around waiting for him to decide your future? You’ve been given a “hall pass” and I would seriously be using every bit of it to re-engage in the world around you instead of him being your world/.

Reconnect with friends, find some hobbies, take up an old passion, go flirt with some random guys, take a mini-trip with some of the girls…go have some darn fun will ya!

I LOVED my breaks when my husband was gone (in the military) and a relative (usually my mother-in-law) took the kids for a week—it was A GIFT to have some ‘me time’ and one of my biggest regrets is that I wish I had taken more of them!

I have never experienced a man asking for a break to decide on our relationship ship status. So to me this doesn’t feel right or normal. I have heard some cases where the break resulted in moving forward, but let’s face it. If a guy needs weeks to decide you are the one, he probably isn’t your man.

Sofia,

Sorry I thought I had responded to you already but I don’t see my post. Having technology issues with the site today for some reason. To answer your question, he is the one who reached out to me after 4 days but then he knew he was at fault for our fight so I wasn’t going to reach out. And unlike your situation it wasn’t a break, but it was a turning point in our relationship where I needed him to show he was committed and that we were moving forward and if it wasn’t it was over.

But the point of my reply was really to let you know that the most important thing you can do right now for the future of your relationship is to respect his request for a break and not to contact him. Allow him to feel what his life is like without you in it and whether or not he’s ready to make that next step.

Yes you are going to be sad and upset because your relationship is in limbo right now and you don’t know what’s going on in his head and his heart. I agree that Lane’s comments about her husband were totally irrelevant. If her husband had said I’m not sure about the future of our marriage so I think we should take a break while I’m off on my military deployment and I’ll let you know how I feel when I get back, THEN maybe she would have some empathy. But she’s right that you need to try to take your mind off this and do things that make you happy. :) In the grand scheme of forever with this guy, two weeks is nothing!! Remember that.

Hi Sofia :)
Congrats on sticking to NC during this time! I am really proud of yourself , I know that it is hard!
To answer your question if you should reach out to confirm the plans,
NO don’t do it.
I would advise you to NOT do it because it was HE who asked for a break and no contact.
I would go the day you made plans without confirming anything.
You confirmed both already by deciding to meet up in two weeks time, so just be there on the day, time and place you decided. If he doesn’t show up then that would be very rude and you could still reach out then after this.

i really feel for you and I do hope that everything will turn out for the better.
I wish you a lot of strength, you are not alone!

And I absolutely understand that you’re apprehensive now if he wants to move forward. I woul d be too and I actually am in the same situtaion.
My boyfriend wanted to take several weeks to think about if we should move in together ( i brought it up)
And now I don’t even know if i still want this, because he should have wanted this right away and be excited for it..
Oh well

Please keep us updated as I’m in the same situation and I really feel for you!
Keep your head up :) hugs

Hi Sofia :)
Thank you for your kind reply too :)
I really admire your strength and your will.
I think we often dont see how far we’ve already come. We are able to give them space, other women would cling to them and call them night and day. I fell like we should really appreciate and be proud of ourselves how far we’ve come already :)
Yes exactly, in my opinion it is best to just show up and you’ll see if he comes and what he will say.
Now during this time try to analyse what is it that you want? Do you still want to continue if he wants it? And if yes, maybe you need to talk about why he had to think so long?
To answer your question, no we don’t have NC, we continue our relationship normally but yeah he’s supposed to give me an answer by the end of the month which sounds ridiculous now that I’m writing this :p

I have to say you really analysed this perfectly, We are giving their feelings too much priority and we should put our feelings as a priority too.
Yes and try not to break Nc , we are here if you need. Support :)

Hi Diane,

Thank you so much for this empowering reply.

I agree with all the points you make.

I will say that the first few days were the hardest because I felt sad and for a small while I only thaught of the fun, good times that would end if this didn’t work.

As time passed I feel a lot more confident that all this is happening for a very good reason. It’s funny because today I’m not here wondering whether or not we wil be moving forward. I’m here thinking I know what I want and I’m not settling for anything less. And I’m not saying this just for the moving in part, I’m saying it for some of the points you make too. I want to build with someone something solid and long-term.

All day I’ve been wondering at this point if really he is the right one. And from beeing confident at one point I am w confused. In fact I keep thinking that perhaps two weeks isn’t enough. Also strangely enough I caught myself thinking I am not afraid. I am not afraid to lose this relationship or even this person. Because I know that I was transparent in my feeling, genuine and honest.

Anyway from the day I first posted to today I feel a lot more confident and so much less anxious. I definitely do NOT feel the need to contact him. I feel positive and I think it’ll carry on as such.

I’ve also been thinking he should have contacted me by now if this were right. So maybe this isn’t right. Then again I know he has a small pride/ego so maybe he hasn’t cause of that but i am definitely not going to.

Anyway thank you to all you wonderful humans out there who have been positive, encouraging, empowering, it has been beyond helpful.

Always grateful and happy to read you guys so don’t hesitate to keep the feedback coming!

I’m with Kayla. If someone needs a two week break from me, they can have the rest of their life without me. I would take this as a breakup and collect my things via a friend or a courrier service. If the things aren’t that important to you, I would let them disappear in the breakup abiss.
Love you and cherish you. You are a decent human being with good values and deserve to be treated with kindness. If this man doesn’t appreciate you, someone else will. There is a man out there who would never let a day go by without sending you a cute message, who would be thrilled to move in with you or anything else you’d like. Build a life with you. I suggest you make yourself visible and known and let that man find you.

Hi Sophia, you are getting in the right mindset: what do you want? I agree that him not reaching out is a bad sign. Bit lots of love ❤️