Taking a two week break

Sophia…I’ve read every comment in the thread. First off, you are an amazing woman and human being who believes in LOVE. YOU HAVE A VERY POSITIVE AND GROUNDED RELATIONSHIP WITH AN HONEST MAN. THIS MAN DIDNT LIE TO YOU, HE DIDNT LEAD YOU ON, HE DIDNT GIVE YOU YOUR WAY TO KEEP YOU AROUND. THE WOMEN ON HERE SAYING THAT IF IT WAS THIS WAY OR THAT WAY OR THERE’S BEEN ENOUGH TIME..? PLEASE DON’T LISTEN TO THEM…. YOU VALUE YOURSELF AND SO DOES HE, THE FACT THAT THIS MAN WAS HONEST WITH YOU SAYS ALOT ABOUT HIS CHARACTER….TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS…. THERE IS NO PERFECT FORMULA OR TIME FOR A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP. YOU ARE DOING GREAT, PERFECT IN FACT.

DON’T GIVE ANY MORE ULTIMATUMS, OR EVEN BEGIN WITH THAT CRAP. NO ONE WANTS TO BE FORCED TO DO ANYTHING. I have anxiety about living with a man after my divorce, so it’s not abnormal for a person to be afraid of this level of commitment. I don’t agree with the woman ever establishing the level of commitment or moving in or getting married, I think this should be left up to the man…. There should be a discussion, and an agreement and when the two people don’t agree, the discussion is closed until you two want to discuss it again. Stop with all the it’s been a year, I’m wasting time. If you’re with the person you love, it’s not a waste of time. You can very well leave this man who loves you to be with someone willing to move in with you, but not treasure you, or isn’t an honest man. Let him think, men need to think, then allow him to be honest. Then you decide if his position is worth you staying around. If not pull back slowly and start dating again. But please allow this man to work through his process. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is pressure a man into a position to later tell u, he never wanted it in the first place and only agreed to it because you pressured him. It won’t be good. So let things naturally evolve. I wish you all the best, but I have a feeling you’ll be fine no matter what. But please don’t play the game. Meet up at the agreed time, and stay true to what you really feel. None of this giving him the cold shoulder. You love him, so show him that. Don’t punish him for being honest and wanting to be sure about things

Hi Sofia,

I absolutely agree with you,
We as women can’t wait forever. We have our biological clock and no matter how much you love a man it doesn’t matter if you’re ready and want to build a family while he is not ready to do this.
In this case you need to move on and find another nice man who IS ready for this, and they exist!
But I understand how hard it must be because now I believe that the problem of “moving in together” is only second important. The most important question to ask yourself now is, if he already panics over this, will he be ready to talk about marriage or children in 1 or 2 years?
I think when you see each other, at first talk about what he has been thinking about the move but then don’t forget to voice your concerns and that you are looking for someone to built a family with and that he should tell you if he’s 100% sure he’s ready or not:
It is NOT selfish to think so. Love is important but if your life goal (or one of your life goals) is to have children you should not put this on the back burner for a man. YOu will regret it (and he can leave you when you are 48 for a younger woman when he decides he actually now wants children )

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say that your guy is like this, but those are just thoughts that come into my mind and that are worth discussing.

I hope you are doing well and please keep us updated! :)

I don’t know if my views are right or maybe too radical but I just think about all those cases (that are quite frequent) where women wait 7 or more years for the man to make a real commitment (marriage, engagement) just to be left for someone else (The One)

AMZ

Thank you for checking up on me.

The break is soon coming to an end and we are meant to meet on Saturday.

I have been feeling lighter and a lot more sure and less scared. By sure I mean that I believe it’s important to take this step so possibly we can move forward. We’ve never had to make any serious decisions him and I.

I’m not defending him in any way I believe he is sincere and genuine but if he can’t take this step forward it’s a bad sign and unfornutely it may have to be the end.

I feel sad to think like that but i want to stay as realistic as possible.

I will keep you posted. I am still very tempted to each out as the weather is great and taking a walk together tonight or having a meal on the pay so would have been perfect after a long day at work but I’m not reaching out. I’ll be doing exactly what I just said but with my y sister instead.

Thank you so much for all the support.

Ho Sofia,
Yes i was thinking the exact same thing and thats why i dread the end of this threat by now. I would have expected him to come running back after a week or so if he wanted to continue. But not all men are alike and only he can give you the answer

Sofia- You are handling this situation in a very mature way. Way to go girl!! However I do want to say that I think on Saturday, you should wait for him to message you first. I know you don’t want to play any games or don’t want any ego. But look at it this way. When we first meet a guy, he is the one who comes after us… initiates a contact and asks us out on a date. Men like it that way. I suggest you wait for his message and don’t just jump on messaging him early saturday morning. Let him feel like you are doing well as well and that you are ready for whatever comes your way.

This is what I would do.

I totally agree with Patti. Honestly Two weeks seems like really long for me to decide what I want. I usually take a day or two. I have been in a situation where I had to decide whether I want that person in my life or not. It took me two days of silence with that person and sooner realized that I don’t see myself without him. And I broke the silence. When you are deeply in love with someone, you don’t even need two days actually. You can’t live without that person for a single second.

It also could be that in these two weeks he wanted to see if he wants a bachelor life or wants to be fully committed now. I am not trying to make you more nervous or anything but in my mind, if a man asks for a break…he isn’t reliable.

All the comments and questions each one of you has posted on here are interogations and things I have thaught about these past few days as well.

But I am trying not to think on his behalf. I don’t know what is going on in his mind and I don’t want to sit here and guess. I have to wait and hear him out and than make my own conclusions from there.

There are a multitude of probabilities bad and good. He may want out entirely because he is too worried about what he loses, if in he may also just function differently where he needs to take baby steps and be sure. For me it is a 50/50. Ultimetly though at this point it is not so much about the moving in. It is more about his fears and perhaps personal issues he needs to deal with solo.

He has been reliable on many things in the past but as I mentionned we have never had to take/make big decisions. I don’t know what he is thinking and my position now is not to try and guess. It’s to just understand what I want and to be ready not to agree to anything that doesn’t suit me.

I don’t feel angry or in a “fight” mode. I feel more like hey this is where I’d like my life and relationship to be right now are you on board or will we each have to sail our own ships from here on.

I had been making subtle comments about us moving in together for the past month indeed but never spoke about it seriously. it was more stuff like my granmother’s mirror would look good there. Or my antique lap would fit perfectly there. Or we’d have to buy an extra drawer for the rest of my stuff. I had never before said to him my lease is ending in july I won’t renew it. Perhaps it was a bad approach on my end but it is in the past and done. Now i have been clear and I will give him the chance to be clear as well.

As for Saturday I had no intention to confirm or reach out to him prior to our meeting time. I am planning on showing up. I do believe he will be there, I don’t doubt that and if he is not so be it. A clear answer.

I will be keeping you posted.

Thank you for all the feedback.

Pandora thanks for your comment but unfortunetly you are off completely. I have not nagged, I have not begged, I have not pleaded or cried. There has not been any drama there have been conversations stating what I want. And to me that is beyond attractive.

I don’t know you personally but with your mind set you can stay in Lala land eternally. This is not about a clock this is about beeing on the same path and knowing what you want out of a relationship.

An I am not trying to “get” him I am trying to build something together. It is not an ego game to me. And the person I want to be with needs to have the same goals as I do and family is one of them but not something I have requested from him in the immediate future. You try to be the best you can and all in with someone and it may or may not work. And all in for me is Heart and Head cuase I am sorry to say Heart alone doesn’t always make the cut. This is not some Holywood movie.

But to each his own. you do it your way and I do it mine. Best of luck to you as well.

I like your mindset. Thing with men in my experience has been – they will not value you if you are not the walk away kind of woman. If you want to gain respect, you walk. And I think you may have just gotten there now. His issues are silly, I’m sure you’re a lovely woman and it’s insulting of him to assume you’d be a drag to live with. Like I said I would have already walked away, two weeks ago. It is gracious and empathic of you to hang in there.
If I was in your circumstances, I would not go to this meeting and would be done with this man. 1.5 years is not too much wasted. My advice is to walk away.

Thanks Alia for your kind words and encouragement. I haven’t walked because I do Love this man but as I mentioned just above love isn’t the only requirement for a relationship to work. And to answer Pandora what made me fall in love with this man is his genuine consideration of my needs and those of others, his loyalty towards the people that he cares about, are common interest in music, activities and also are ability to talk about everything and nothing. And this is why I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. however I am not in any sort of illusion that all we be rosey if this ends up beeing just a small road block that we overpass. It’s been an eye opener that efforts will be required.

And Hayley thank you! Yes this is something I am definitely ready to do, walk away. And the way you’ve worded it is perfect. If need be this is how i will proceed. And I will not be doing it out of ego, nor to hurt anyone or because i have a biological clock. I will be doing it because I am not confused and because ultimetely I want someone by my side with whom I will be able to move forward and build a future together.

I’m with you Alia. I would be insulted and turned off if a man said he needed two weeks to make up his mind. What is it that will magically happen in two weeks? Is he going to all of a sudden get his bachelorhood out of his system?

It will be interesting to see what happens. I can already see that th OP is losing patience and interest herself. It’s deflating to think a man you have been with this longall of a sudden doesn’t know what he wants. I have to say, I would have walked that same day and just told him to get in touch when he makes up his mind. But be aware, I might no longer be interested. I know that’s easier said than done. But it’s not like he is buying a new car. What is there to think about at this point. He was practically living with her, had all the perks he wanted, but now that he is asked to be ‘responsible?’ It’s an issue?