Talked to my guy about the "deep regret of my last text"

Kat.. I don’t think anyone here is saying you LIKE the drama, but rather that it has become part of your process.

The excitement, the energy of a new relationship can fade very quickly, so the electricity that cam come from friction fills that space. I spent a decade convincing myself that opposites attract and that the angst my ex and I had was ‘passion.’
Once I got into a relationship that did not have that ‘energy’.. albeit negative, I was initially thinking.. he thinks I’m boring.. why is he ok if I talk to other guys? Doesn’t jealousy mean he cares.. and all kinds of bad habit crazy.

I think the NC and taking him out of your phone is great, but only time will get him out of your head/heart. That connection/spark is amazing.. but it is not enough. My Scotsman and I could have burned down a town with our passion and ‘connection’, but in the end he was not able to deal even withe the first relationship hurdle.

You are right, we do not know you or your motivations, but I have found some very healing medicine here even if at first it tasted quite bad!

If you are truly stepping away.. good luck and all the best, but know that this site is amazing and we are all here trying to figure it out.

Terry.. Hope you saw the Gravatar link.
I have reread your posts and am wondering about Dee’s intentions.. she pursued you until you relented and stepped back when you stepped up to the plate. True reversal of what we usually see here, but nonetheless painful for you.
I am thinking that this is another ego boost situation for her.. he likes me more and I can take him or leave him. That bothers me as I hate to see anyone struggle in these situations.
Also.. her sweetness and engaging you was when she was on the train .. no one else to talk to.. text.. again, feels yucky.
I cannot speak to your motivations, but LAGirl hit the nail on the head for me.. I stayed with my ex out of fear, fear of loss – family, $,friends – fear of failure, fear of being alone and being as my ex called me ‘old, fat, useless’ etc.
I finally came to realize that I feared living a ‘partial life’ more than all of the above.
You have a spark with this woman, but is this pain worth you living a ‘partial life”?
You seem like truly self-aware and genuine man and would hate for that answer to be yes.

I think you are spot on as well. I felt the same way.. having no control and while I did not partake in behaviors to the level which Dee seems to have, I did date (not necessarily sex – but sometimes yes) ALOT.. 4-5 dates a week, most never going to date 2.
I also was pretty aloof with they guys and most likely blew off some good ones too. But in my mind, there was no way any MAN was going to tie me down again. After that phase, I got involved with a lovely man and knew in my heart he wanted a serious thing and I could not offer that.

I did have the advantage of getting lots of help while I was still married and came to the realization that we were done years before the word divorce was ever uttered.
My healing process began during my divorce instead of after it.

So in short.. I think she cares for you, but is very broken, understandably.
HOWEVER it is not your job to fix her, especially to your own detriment.
Please watch your codependent behaviors.. this coming form an expert

Dee has a bunch she has not dealt with and cannot offer you what you deserve in a relationship until she heals herself. While you seem very clear on your own issues and are working on them, Dee seems a bit further back on that path… So sorry for your pain. Glad you found us here.. You have a bunch of doting sisters :)

Is she a GF or a science project to you? It seems you are head deep in psychoanalysis and jargon …. Save yourself sweetie… Seriously.

LA Girl,

You made your point.

Maria,

Of course I’m interested in changing the situation. If I weren’t, I wouldn’t have been pouring my soul out on this forum. Perhaps I am obsessed with the situation, but certainly not in a positive way. The only feelings I get from it are anguish, confusion and sadness.

So, where the hell you two are coming up with the insane notion that I like things as they are is beyond me. Care to elaborate?