talks to me all the time, but won't ask me out on a date

He is not scared, why do women think that? He likes talking to you on the phone. That’s it. If that is enough, then keep talking to him. He will give you nothing more. If it is enough just tell him:

Bob, I appreciate that you still call me. I thought about it and we are not on the same page with what we want right now. Wish you the best!

My guess is he will say: you too! And not do anything more.

Never again tell a man you don’t want a relationship, you basically agreed to let him treat you poorly, and if you want him taking you on dates, you do want more.

What part of “I don’t want a relationship” didn’t you hear? In man code it means: “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you!”

He is not making any plans (dates) because he told you “I don’t want a relationship” and a man instinctively knows that if he starts planning “dates” its the pathway to a relationship. Men aren’t stupid, he knows exactly what he’s doing, enjoying a little attention (getting his ego stroked) just by throwing out a crumb (text) and you lap them up even though he’s clearly told you that he’s not interested in a relationship. Confident women who know what they really want don’t play these silly games with men, such as “I’ll pretend I don’t want a relationship but I’m still going to try and reel you in against your will.” Didn’t work because that fish had no desire to jump on your hook.

Stop lying and being dishonest with men. When you are not able to be authentic with yourself you are going to attract these types of men. If you want a relationship then friggen say it, if you don’t then don’t entertain men, because a woman who doesn’t want a relationship wouldn’t be trying to date, or out there dating—just saying.

Taking it slow is fine but if a guy say it, its often code for im taking this casual.
In your case its the refusal of him taking you out on a proper date saying he is confused and not ready. So he cant even Take you out on one proper date, poor confused guy that he is. Thats the part that is cristal clear he is not interested or available. Talking a lot before a date really complicates it atm. Women tend to bond over it but guys not so much.

You are absolutely right “Newbie”…it’s cristal clear ;) I did get confused by the long talks on the phone and texting.
But I surely know how it feels when a guy wants to see you, you just know, he’s always there to make sure you’ll meet up.

And “T from NY”, feel you as well! I do want the option even if it doesn’t turn out to a relationship but if it’s not even an option, I’m not going to invest anymore time and energy.

Thanks again! Case closed :)

I’m straightforward and blunt, not being harsh, just telling it like I read it.

First, never ever believe you made *a connection* with a guy just because you had some good conversations, or spent a little time together. Men do not connect the way woman do, in fact, they don’t have any of the criteria woman look for in a mate, because they are loaded with testosterone (runs their sex drive), plus their brain is wired differently too as its like a waffle (disconnected compartments) v. woman;s who’s are like a bowl of spaghetti (connected wires), so they don’t think, feel nor draw romantic connections the same way women do.

Within 10 seconds a man can size a lady up, and know where she stands with him. Nature, in her infinite wisdom, gave men this unique ability to swiftly sniff out the one’s they want to be platonic pals with, just have sex with, or get romantic with, and it all starts with “physical attraction.” That’s how a man makes the initial *connection* and if she also has a certain personality or energy about her, only then will he even consider asking her on a date. If he doesn’t its because he didn’t connect to you physically in the way A MAN needs to connect to get romantic with a lady. He could have easily used you for sex only, so at least he respected you enough to not take you down that rabbit hole knowing it was never going to get to the relationship level.

Rarely do men actually “look for” a girlfriend or wife. They tend to fall into relationships by spending time with a woman, and becoming very comfortable with her. Some get into a relationship via an ultimatum (she’s ready to or has walked) and doesn’t want to lose her; OR the guy has an epiphany moment (“I love this woman”); OR he feels why not and see how it goes….etc. Its never planned, it happens spontaneously but he has to want it, of his own free will, for a relationship to happen.

As for the take it slow in dating. That’s the best method to take in dating as only fools rush in. However you have to know when to STOP (end it/walk away) when its clear the man isn’t going slow but not even moving. Like they say “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” If a man doesn’t want to drink the water (date you) then you let him die of thirst by letting go of the reins, and walking away.

Yes, I absolutely agree “taking it slow” coming from a MAN is never ever a good sign! However, when it comes to *women* they should take it slow so they don’t fall for Mr. Player; or Mr. I just want sex; or Mr. Rebound, or….you get the gist :o)

BTW : if he keeps texting, what kind of message can I send to make him understand I just don’t want to talk like that anymore without sounding like a b… ?