Home › Forums › How To Get My Ex Back › telling the ghost I miss him :S
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
Em.
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Betty
Okay so we broke up 4 months ago (dated for 6) and he simply ghosted. A text from him a few weeks later saying how he panicked as things were getting too serious and he simply just needed some time to explore single life as he never really has been single before. (he is 28 and had a 8 year relationship, a rebound 4 month relationship then me)
So here we are 4 months later, I got a text from him last week, we small talked a bit about nothing really, but so much is left unsaid. He was perfect for me and since that text last week, I haven’t been able to get him off my mind. he is worth the fight to me!
I was thinking about texting him, beign bold, and letting him know I miss him. But also to ask what actually happened, I really was lead to believe we were in the most perfect relationship ever, until he jsut stopped all contact over night. I have so many questions and never got closure!
So you can tell me not to, but let’s be real here, I am drafting a text as we speak, just not sure the best route. Do I simply just say “i miss you”? or do I vent all my questions and get it all out there leaving the ball in his court to respond or not? I’m pretty content with knowing if there is no response that that will be my closure. I just dont know how to go about doing this without sounding desperate.
Khadija
Hello Betty,
Sigh! This is such a waste of energy dealing with a ghost. He has reappeared to haunt you again.
These guys only come back for a few reasons.
1. Boredom
2. Sex
3. An apology
4. An ego stroke
5. To try againThose were in no particular order and you see what I put last.
If you are willing to put yourself out there to get rejected again( more than likely) by all means do so.
Just keep in mind he chose to let that time go by and said nothing. If things were so perfect no person would just let that go.
Think about since he contacted you again has he asked you out? Offered an apology?I understand what it’s like to have a ghost reappear. You get excited and hope you’ll have another chance but, trust me it’s not worth it.
Find a guy that doesn’t do such things and allow yourself a fresh start.
Best wishes and I hope you put that phone down.redcurleysue
I love Khadija’s answer…I can hear the sigh….
If this guy was in a serious 8 year relationship he is barely getting his feet wet with being single…he has missed a lot of dating life and NEEDS to run around until he is tired of it.
He is not ready for anything….you have to step back and see his life…and see what he needs to do now. That takes courage on your part…to take a real look at him and where he is coming from. Any moves on your part will fail…as well as any woman’s…
Why he contacted you? Khadija gave you a very good list of reasons and I am sure she would agree there are reasons none of us can guess that are not on the list…but the point being really who cares?
He is not ready…he is not ready…anything you do or do not do will make him ready.
Move forward without him in your thoughts…at this point he is not worth any of your time.
Khadija
@ RCS the list goes on but I agree who cares and yes the sigh was loud. This happens to be a relationship topic that grinds my gears.
It takes time for a man to evolve and be ready for a relationship.
Let him figure this out on his time not yours.Rose
So, against all advice I will tell you my experience. I DID talk to my ghost. He silently dumped me after a month of AMAZING dating.
He reappeared on WhatsApp after two months giving me “clues” that he wanted to get in contact but not having enough guts to do it directly, so i got tired of the game after a month of what I saw as provocation and sent him a message with my questions. I did not attack him at all, I just asked him why would he disappear and not even five minutes after I got a very long voice message from him, damn it, I cried when I heard his voice.
He explained to me that he was having feelings for me and he didn’t want to let that grow, blah, blah, blah… I’m an awesome person and he doesn’t want to hurt me, blah, blah, blah… Basically he decided he did not want a relationship after all…
Blah, blah, blah, blah… Fast forward three days and he was in my bed trying to explain to me once again why we can not date. We had sex and the next morning he couldn’t run faster from my side. He even block me from Whatsapp…
He unblock me from the app some days after only to torture me some more, he was using youtube links to songs we listened to in bed, and do you agree that if they were intended for someone else he would have sent them in a regular message?…He was changing his status to that annoying little ghost again (he used it the first time to call my attention) changing his picture and smiling like a psychopath, that poor dude really needs attention, anyways. I just sent him a long text today telling him he hurt me the first time when he ghosted me, that this second time he hurt me too and that I used to like the man he was in the beginning, that the man I liked is gone and I don’t want to ever go through the pain he caused me.
He obviously blocked me again lol … That’s what I expected and although it hurts I feel fine now.
So, I did get my closure and I decided that hanging out with this man, having sex with him and expecting more than that is WAY TOO PAINFUL and so not worth it.
So, there you go. You have two options… To let go now and save yourself from the pain or go there, face your fears, let them kick you in the butt and then understand he’s not good for you and finally let go.
Amy S
Hi. I feel sorry for you, this guy should have honoured the 6 months and gave you an explantion and some closure. He did however tell you he wanta to be single which tells you as much as you think hes right for you, hes not as you both want different things at the moment. Hes highly unlikey to give you the answers and closure you need as its really a case of I want to see what else is out there and play the field and that’s a hurtful thing to say to a girl and despite what we sometimes think about men they do absolutely hate to be hurtful. The best thing you can do is stop the contact with him and let him do his thing and you do yours as a single person. It leaves you with dignity as well as the text for closure and answers just seems too needy and desperate to a guy. Good luck x
Dauny
Never text a guy that is not your significant other. Big mistake. It will do the opposite of what you want it to do. Guaranteed. He wants to keep you on the hook while he figures out what he wants. That is selfish and cruel on his part. If you want to get his attention, text him something like “what’s up?” once. Then when he replies, don’t answer. This is what guys do. As long as you have the urge to text him, just do that. Or better yet, when he texts you, say, “who’s this?” When he identifies him by his first name, give a last name that is not his, or say, from [some random town]? Or, send a random text appearing to answer a question, like “that sounds painful, lol!” He will say, what? And you say, crap, I’m sorry, I texted the wrong person! Then, when he texts you again, don’t respond until and unless he starts treating you the way you should be treated.
This will keep you from hangin on the string he’s giving you.Dauny
Forgot to say, when you pretend not to know who he is, tell him you lost all your contacts
Dauny
Telling him you miss him, is only a good idea if you’re having a functioning, mutually caring relationship.
Dauny
And, I do know some men like being hurtful. I’ve seen it… Knowing a girl likes him and deliberately messing with her emotions. They think it’s amusing, not saying your guy is doing this, but some are actually sadistic.
soni
I guess my view differs somewhat. The time gap would have any way blurred what you had started feeling. So when he reconnected he just reminded you of all the things you had started to feel when you were in touch with him earlier. I think its ok to keep in touch so long as u can maintain your distance emotionally and physically. he reconnected so u can just stand as a bystander and see just what’s happening. but more often then not, we women fall again and tend to start hoping and dreaming again and build castles on sand.
there is some1 like that who reconnected with me after months of ghosting out on me. I was surprised to hear from him on what’s app suddenly after months of silence. I spoke normally to him when I saw his message. but yes the next day I casually asked him so why have u reconnected?? he gave me some story about being wildly attracted to me tooo sooon so he panicked and ghosted. ANd that he didn’t forget me but has often thought about me. my openness and uniqueness is what he couldn’t forget. and ofcrse the fact that he is attracted to my physicality. I told him anyways your story doesn’t make sense to me actually. y should u run when u meet a woman you are very attracted to?? shrug. honestly? I think he hasn’t been able to meet any1 interesting or attractive enough or if he met some1 like that it wasn’t reciprocated. so he got in touch with me again.
men may give you all kinds of lines but hey we need to be smarter and more careful the 2nd time round. I am in sporadic touch with him like a friend. I talk to him when bored. not interested in investing any emotions or time again in him unless m sure about things. and I mostly never initiate any dialogue with him. things are currently friendly and casual with him. I no longer get drawn into any heavy talk nor flirtation with him. its just general talk and casual banter.
if he is genuinely interested I would know in time. if he’s not, that’s ok too. this time I am wary.
Betty
I’ve really been strict on the NC over these lat 4 months besides the other day when he texted about “how long the line at starbucks was, and a new song he was listening to” but zero contact since again. He does have a bunch of my stuff at his place still, which I’ve been trying to get back and he just responded jokingly with “Don’t worry Betty, you’ll get it sometime this year, I promise” THIS YEAR?! I don’t understand why he is holding my stuff hostage.
It’s not that I care about the “stuff”, I just don’t understand why he won’t return it. Regardless, I can’t stop thinking about this guy and all the No Contact was fine at first, but a wave has come over me of missing him and wanting him back in my life.
I guess I just thought getting things off my chest would allow me to move on or see a hope for more.
alia
He is not perfect for you. I keep telling my girlfriends this. If he were perfect for, he would not dream of hurting you, or ever play with your feelings, or ignoring how his ghosting hurt your feelings… just saying, he is not perfect for you at all.
Khadija
In this case it’s best that he be the one expressing his feelings.
He was the one who broke it off with you.
I see nothing has changed and he is just causally texting you.
Please save all these emotions for a man that is deserving.
If you go forward he more than likely will not respond in a way that you want.
I truly believe that these guys know which ones they can come back to offering nothing, don’t be that girl.
You are better than this.Em
Betty
Do I understand correctly that
– you dated exclusively for 6 months;
– this man broke off the relationship cold-turkey, no explanation;
– he is 28-years-old;and you’re not turned off by this…why?
A lot of people jump into puppy love when they’re teenagers and get stuck. I don’t wish that kind of regret on anyone. You never get those years back. But he needs to pull his crap together. Grown-ups face problems honestly.
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