Text him when he is sick

A spider bite that requires a hospital is pretty serious.

However, he’s a man, he will survive.

Hold off, wait to see if he keeps the date.

Let him reach out to you. I think sending that text will come off as trying gauge if he will keep the date or not.

Worse case scenario he cancels, go out and enjoy your weekend.Its only Wednesday so who knows what will happen.

I disagree with others on this, and think checking in with someone who has been in the hospital is basic common courtesy– something I would do with any friend, co-worker, etc.

I understand how phrasing it “how you are feeling better!” might sound like all you care about is the date, so you could easily phrase it differently such as

“thinking of you! Hospitals suck, don’t they?!”

or make a light hearted joke about it or something… I wouldn’t ignore it.

I was in the hosptial early on in “talking” with my BF and if he’d just acted like it was nothing I would have been a bit offended frankly.

Do not text!!! This excuse is out of the ordinary and too odd to believe IMO. I would totally pull back and if he does keep the date watch this one very carefully…there’s already a major red flag waving and you should never ignore them. Trust is built and right now he should be given a 0 since you’ve never met and would need to get to know him pretty well before the trust indicator moves up or down based solely on your interactions in person.

If you do text and make it to the date I would want to see the bite lol

Ali,

I don’t think getting a spider bite is odd as both my daughter and my husband have had one in the last 2 years but I do think being hospitalized overnight for it is ODD. I’ve actually never heard of that. Even one of our managers who was bitten by a brown recluse was treated in the emergency room but not kept overnight. Not saying he couldn’t have some bad allergic reaction. But when you don’t know someone and haven’t even met them I think being overly worried and texting like you’re a concerned girlfriend is not good advice. She’s not even his “friend” at this point so saying you would do the same for a co-worker or friend as it’s common courtesy isn’t really the point. This man is a complete stranger at this point and we don’t even know if he’s telling her the truth or coming up with an excuse. Feeling weak over a spider bite is pretty freaking lame!

I wouldn’t text him. Sounds like a set up to me. He may be talking with other women and is trying to decide between going out with you or someone else this weekend. Now he has a convenient fall back if he gets a date with someone else. I would not trust a stranger either. You aren’t a friend. You have not even met this guy and showing concern isn’t going to win you any brownie points, because it shows way too much interest at this point in the game. I know a woman would absolutely love if a man sent her a text. But men are NOT women. They don’t think like we do. Instead of thinking ‘awww, she is so sweet’ he is going to think ‘aww, she is pretty desperate. I haven’t even taken her on a date and she is worried about me?’ It’s not game playing, it’s understanding how men tend to think very differently about such things.

I have to agree with Ali! I think there really is no harm in asking him if he is doing ok considering he was in the hospital. It’s just showing empathy and doesn’t hurt anybody in the end. If he is being deceitful (it’s hard to say for now), it will surely come through very soon and you can still be proud that you showed him kindness. That’s just how I look at it.

Wow I am so confused now. This is why I ask the question here because when I first heard it from him that he got bitten by a spider I was like ok this guy is taking me for a fool. We live in UK, it’s not unheard of but it’s not something you hear every day. I doubted it so much but now after two days his location on the app didn’t change from the where he lives, if he was not sick he would be at work and the location would change (I know sounds like I am stalking him but because I doubted I wanted to check it) Finally I think it’s a very big exaggeration to get out of only the first date. I still have some possible doubt but it’s a very big lie no?
I am very in the middle that if he is genuine and I don’t ask how he is maybe he will be upset or he is lying and I will be making a fool of myself to ask.

If you don’t ask, he may be upset? Whoa, slow down. He’s not a little toddler. Quit fussing over what he thinks.

You could ask him, was it a brown recluse?
You understand, most dating apps, the guy makes a date, but doesn’t keep it.

You could simply text, are we still on for our date?

Don’t worry about expressing concern for his spider bit. As the above poster said, he’s not a girl, he’s not thinking the way you are.

He woul have to be a woman to get upset about not being asked about his Spidey bite.

Did you ask what kind of spider bite? Surely if he connected he gave you an update on what they did while in the hospital? that will give you a good idea if he is lying. If he left out all details other than he was in hospital overnight. People who lie tend to gloss over details.

Pam– I dunno! I guess I’m just an overly nice person if I think someone has been in the hospital. When I was in the hospital with meningitis, texts like that, even from people I barely knew, meant the world to me. As I said, i was just in the “talking’ stage with my BF and if he’d thought i was lying and ignored it, he would’ve been out, because caring is a quality I want in a man.

I was overruled though, so I respect that. haha. plus, now that I know the guys in the UK it does sound a little less likely. I live in the desert, so spider bites are to be taken seriously here.

Checking locations and worrying what he will think if you don’t reach out, you are overthinking this.

Please go about your day and leave things be.

If he is up for the date he will reach out to confirm it.

I think you do care about this date or you would not have asked for advice.

My suggestion is if you don’t have lined up this wee start making plans, so you can get your mind off this.

Too much thought over a first date that may or may not happen.