Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Texting as a girl
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Claws.
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JESS
Hi all,
Just want to know online when you text a guy on the app and on Whatsapp.
I know that I should let a guy come to me when it comes to meeting up which I follow that rule. The problem is with texting. In the first couple of weeks before meeting for a coffee date or 1st date should you let a guy do all the texting and you reciprocate even if you like the guy? As a woman I want a guy to initiate contact even if its just to text to show he’s interested then I reciprocate.
Sometimes guys get upset if I don’t initiate texts after he’s done initiating the texting and I reciprocate. I figured that if a guy is not texting much he’s just not that interested so I won’t bother reciprocate if he’s not texting much.
I know this might sound silly about rules of texting between boy and girl but I am such a bad texter anyway with friends and family let alone with men.
TIA
JESS
AngieBaby
None of the above.
Keep communication to a minimum until you meet face to face. Talking too much (verbal, text, email) before that is a set-up for a let-down. It creates false intimacy and raises expectations. I’ve had several occasions where I spent way too much time chatting with someone before meeting and feeling like we really connected and it’s gonna be great when we get together and it fell flat (didn’t look like his photo, no attraction, poor conversation skills, talked about an ex too much were the most common reasons), making that first date extremely awkward.
I learned to set up the date and then say as little as possible. If a guy wants to text or call frequently before then, it’s a red flag. My experience with guys who do that is they are love bombers. They are either desperate to get into a relationship or they’re setting you up for easy sex.
I either say at the time we set the meeting “looking forward to meeting you then, I’ll be pretty busy in the meantime and won’t really have time to chat much in the meantime – do you want to touch base with me the day before to confirm or are we all set now?” or I’m honest “Looking forward to meeting you. In my experience it’s best hold off on too much chitchat between now and our date so we can get to know each other in person, which is what really matters. Do you want to touch base with me… etc. as above”
JESS
This guy I was talking to for a week have asked when he would like to meet. I did say I wasn’t feeling well with a cold, maybe next time. He texted after a week which I reciprocate every time I texted but he would get upset if I didn’t text him back when he wanted me to. I told him I wasn’t feeling well and that I’m not always on my phone. Then said when shall we meet? Because he upset me I told him I’m not interested now cos of his insistance of me having to text him.
Liz Lemon
100% what AngieBaby said, for all the reasons she outlined. If you haven’t even met the guy in person, there’s no reason to spend a lot of time texting. You should text to arrange a date to meet in person, but that’s it. And if a guy you’ve never met is texting you to flirt or chat, but is not making plans to meet, that’s a huge red flag.
It’s too easy to build up false intimacy by texting with someone you don’t know, and you inevitably create wrong expectations that will not play out in person (so one or both people are disappointed when you finally meet). So it’s much better to just set a time to meet in the near future, and leave off communicating for the time being, until you meet.
And a guy (a stranger, rather) who gets “upset” because you’re not texting him back when he wants you to- when you’ve never even met the guy!- is not a good prospect for dating. Consider yourself lucky that you told him you’re not interested, and move on.
AngieBaby
Good call Jess. NEXT!
Claws
JESS, I read the book “Real men don’t text” and it changed my view about texting and dating.
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