Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Texting texting texting…..
- This topic has 5 replies and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by
Maddie.
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Jane
Hello all…hope someone can help with advise
I meet the guy on dating app. We meet in person after one week of chatting. There was a instant chemistry between us. We did kissed few times. He texted later on to check that I got home OK and texting continue through the week. There were several attempts to meet but when I could, he couldn’t and when he could I couldn’t due to various reasons. I had to work overtime, his kid need a help with car…..4 months later still no second date. At some point I cut contact with him. He never reached out once. Few weeks ago we reconnected (it was set up on my end). Again daily contact, he asked me out and day before date, he had to work longer hours. Seems like same story.
I told him before that I’m not looking for pen pal and called him out on those excuses which all seems valid but yet oh so convenient. And of course there is a covid restrictions.
He say that we have chemistry, that he like me, that he didn’t meet with anyone else after me and still no date.
Why are some guys like that? Am I just ego boost?
And what should I do about it?T from NY
There is nothing you should do except do nothing.
Move on. This is a waste of your time. The only men that should warrant your attention are ones that you like who are giving consistent contact and setting up and KEEPING dates. Be confident and practice self love by swearing off tepid men.Eva
You know how you find time to see people you want to see? Well it works both ways. This guy doesn’t bother to find time to meet you. 1 date, “we should definitely meet again” and communication fizzling out afterwards is pretty much the norm for dating apps (ok, this might be culture-dependent). It’s also pretty much a norm that “coming back” doesn’t work either.
You need to write him off and for the future reference, don’t even bother getting emotionally involved before you have gone on a few dates with a guy. Good luck with future swiping! :)AngieBaby
So you contacted him again, am I reading that right? If I am, then this is no surprise.
Why did he act this way? Who knows, and who cares? Stop analyzing. Lose his number and move on.
Jane
I know that I should just drop him. Yet, I like this guy. After him, I saw few guys who were wiling to travel distance to meet me and I keep waiting for this guy. It is something that only I can stop and delete/block his number but I keep thinking well maybe one day……
Maddie
I call that “looking for hope in the inconsistency.” Very often, people who have had close relationships in the past to others who are inconsistent (ie family members who you need to continuously deal with or other exes like this) can get stuck in this pattern. It means you’re used to the behavior, it seems familiar and comfortable in a way, and you’ll make excuses and wait it out just to maintain the relationship. Even if the relationship doesn’t meet your needs and isn’t really what you want.
Inconsistency is a red flag, though, not something to wait out or to read into for hope. It’s someone showing you who they are and how they’ll be. You won’t get the relationship you’re hoping for out of it because it’s not circumstantial. It’s who he is and all he’ll give you, as it is happening because of him and not you or anything you do. Which means you didn’t cause it and can’t change it, or realistically expect more.
So the question becomes, why are you only interested in this unavailable guy instead of trying to connect with ones who will make the proper effort? Do you feel like you truly deserve someone who can show up for you and be a good partner?
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