Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Texting vs. In Person Chemistry
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Lane.
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Beth
So, has anyone ever had this experience? I met a guy a while ago and we text a lot and also spend quite a bit of time together for the distance we live apart. He lives an hour away so we cannot see each other more than once a week-ish, but we will spend like one or two full days together at a time. We do text every single day. I hate talking on the phone or we might do that too, but at this time I just have no desire. When we text I have found that we get sort of annoyed with each other more often. Maybe just misunderstandings through text but we tend to get frustrated more. But then when we are together that tension is GONE. We never bicker, we never get annoyed. We laugh and have fun and snuggle and go out together and it feels like the most comfortable I have ever been with another person. We have discussed that we are only seeing and talking to each other but we both don’t want to rush into anything until we spend more time dating. It feels so right when we are together but when we are texting and such I feel anxious that it is not right. Does that make any sense? Normally in the past I have found that texting with guys is really easy and comfortable but it doesn’t translate into comfort in person.
Khadija
If you’re seeing an issue with the texting then I’d simply suggest not to.
Try exploring talking on the phone more or Skype.
Texting can get many things misconstrued and I honestly don’t find it to be a good form of communication for lengthy conversations.Kate
YES! I too have had that exact experience with my guy! We have been together for over two years now and have figured it out but in the beginning it was tough! He is NOT a good texter lol. We got in so many tussles in the beginning over text but everything was always perfect when we were together. I finally realized that he does not like to text very much and is not chatty by text and also is extremely busy during the day. I began to put MUCH less emphasis on texting and more on phone calls and face to face time. It has improved things dramatically. I also used to get upset if he didn’t text me for a few days while on business trips but I have stopped doing that altogether (with a lot of thanks to the advice of the ladies on this forum). He always returns ready to see me and it is much more enjoyable if I am delighted to see him vs pouting.
The thing that is important with bad texters is that they consistently prove themselves in other ways (via phone or in person). If that is happening, then forget about texting.. it’s just not important and it would be a shame to allow it to ruin a relationship with potential otherwise. We now only use it to say good morning most mornings or to make plans.Hannah
Yep! Texts can come across as cold or you can misunderstand and you can’t hear the person’s tone of voice. If it’s causing issues, just reserve it for making plans and the rest of the time speak on the phone.
Beth
A few things that I know I take the wrong way are:
1. Him breaking normal texting patterns. (In the beginning he texted every morning and a lot through the day but for obvious reasons we had to go back to norm life.)
2. Joking about things that I take as him being mean or rude.
3. Vice versa to that last one.
4. Other rando dumb things that I know I am taking too personally.When we are together he is rarely on his phone which I appreciate. Recently there have been some things that I have brought up that bother me via text, and he has apologized and made a clear effort to change it. That is a good sign, right?
Lane
Texting is one of the TOP TWO (sex the other) as to why dating doesn’t get off the ground or relationships end for this very reason! Texting was never intended to eliminate one-on-one communication because “words alone” only make up 7% of communication, whereas verbal (tone, inflection) and non-verbal (body language) make up the bulk of it. This is why your not having issues when together because you have the verbal and non-verbal cues to go by, but without them its far too easy to misconstrue or take out of context what someone is trying to say.
I primarily use texting for: 1) Urgent matters; 2) logistical (“leaving now see you in 10”) or 3) brief check ins with long distance friends/family. When it comes to actual communication I prefer in person but if not will pick up the phone and hit “call” because you can knock out a conversation in a short time v. the endless amount of time it takes to go back and forth over inconsequential stuff that becomes super mundane or boring real quick.
If something is causing issues or stress in a relationship then the best thing to do is to stop using that which is directly causing it. My ex husband was deployed for months at a time and we could easily go for weeks without communicating because then we had interesting things to talk about.
Honestly, daily texts or calls drive me batty because how many times can you say “how was your day?” “busy”. How’s work? “busy”. “how’s ____? (repeat last time you asked). When you ask repetitive mundane questions it gets real stale quick. Best to wait until either something SUPER INTERESTING happens or when together by bonding and creating memories instead of talking about daily boring stuff.
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