Texts me everyday but is hot and cold. Am I a backup?

b

texting is even less than words. He doesn’t even take the time to have a conversation. What matters, as redcurlysue said, are his actions… arranging dates, taking you out, opening the door, paying, asking you to be his girlfriend, etc

Thanks guys. It is pretty much what I predicted. Its annoying how guys pursue you once you start to distance yourself. Should I take him up on his offer if he asks me out again?

Why are you so much more interested in this guy than the other two? Maybe it’s because of the hot/cold?

Sorry to say this Kaila, but this guy doesn’t sound good at all. If a guy really is interested, he will show it. It’s really simple as that.

I too tend to go for guys who are somehow not available to me. It’s habit I’m trying to break now and I’m figuring out what it is that I find so attractive in these hot/cold guys. I think it would do you a lot of good to think about it too. Honestly, are you afraid of rejection? Rejection is somewhat easier to handle if in the end you can just say well, that was never meant to be and the guy is a jerk who treated me badly. Or have you been hurt in the past so that it’s hard for you to truly give 100% of yourself? With hot/cold guys you never do that (even if you are really infatuated) because you have all these doubts right from the start. Whatever the reason is, try to get grasp of it and let go of any patterns that sabotage your relationship. And in the meantime, give the other two guys a chance! :)

Ummm okay… Well, first of all initiating texts doesn’t really mean much. Like M said, true interest is in arranging dates, taking you out, acting considerate in person etc. Texting creates a false sense of attachment and guys KNOW that! Any player will text you “enough” to keep you hooked (not saying this guy necessarily is a player, but just for you to get the point).

Second, why did you tell him you’re seeing other guys? To push him into committing to you? I’m sorry to say this but that’s a huge red flag for guys and manipulative on your side. Yes you need to have the “prize mentality” everyone is talking about on ANM but it doesn’t mean explicitly telling him. That will just come off needy and push him even further. And if he really is shy, did you really thinking saying he’s got competition was going to help? :)

The thing I’m most worried about it that he doesn’t really show interest in you or share much about himself. Every time that has happened to me it has meant baggage he hasn’t dealt with – LOTS of it! A guy who is centered in his life, has his shit together AND is interested in you will be open. He welcomes you to his life and is willing to enter yours too. This guy doesn’t seem to be doing that for you.

So, what I would do it stop texting. Don’t banter, only use texting to set up dates etc. (“for logistical purposes” is the term Stefanie here uses). Then focus on your time together. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know if the connection is there. And needless to say, keep seeing those others guys too but do NOT mention them to this guy. Good luck and keep us posted!