Home › Forums › Texting Advice › Texts me too much before we’ve even met
- This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 3 years, 7 months ago by
mama.
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Ella
Don’t know what to do :( this guy sent me a nice mssg on Facebook and he seemed nice so I answered and we chatted over there for a day or so before I gave him my number and after a couple days he asked me “on a date” but we don’t really know when we can meet probably not for at least a week, but he constantly texts me throughout the day as if we’re in a relationship and like telling me all of his work problems and it’s weighing on me a lot, I’m not a big texter at all and I have a very busy schedule. And like we don’t even know each other!! I want to give him a chance in person but this is really putting me off, do I tell him?
Ewa
yes, you do tell him, you can say that you are enjoying getting to know him but you would rather do it in person than over text.
I got a feeling though he is after a pen pal than an actual dateAnony
A guy was texting me for more than a week, one or two texts a day. Ask me Thursday if I wanted to meet (asked via text of course), I said ok but id like to talk on phone first. He said does your phone have FaceTime? I said no I have android but we can just phone call and see how it goes. He said ok no problem, sometime this weekend. I said ok looking forward to it. He said he was too.
And Sunday night, need a word from him..WTF?
I texted him.about 2 hrs ago..just a hey how’s your weekend going and no response. So confused.
Anony
**not a word.
(Not need a word)Raven
@Anony, I’m curious, why didn’t you just meet him?
Tallspicy
Girl, why did you text him? If he wanted to call you, he would have. Why do you care? Some dude you never met is not real. Some dude who is not your boyfriend is not real. Why didn’t he call? He didn’t want to, the aliens kidnapped him, he fell in a river. Who cares? You never contact a man first who has not done all initiating for at least 4 dates consistently.
Erin
@Anony
Girl,just say Next! Ain’t nobody got time for that.
If a guy doesn’t follow up on their plans or if they think a simple phonecall is ‘too much work’ then just drop them.Had a guy who was all in his head about wanting a video call, I got a pen pal vibe from him and told him hey if you’re too curious about how I look or sound in person, then see me in person. After a lot of back and forth in which neither a date was planned not future plans of one, I just stopped replying and said Next!
Lane
Just don’t answer or respond when you’re busy, easy peasy. You need to set the pace, and comfort level of communication from the very beginning so you, nor the guy, *rushes in* before you even meet. A simple, “I prefer to get to know people in person, not via text” is how you set your communication boundaries/standards so you don’t waste time on the e-tether’s or virtual daters.
If a guy keeps doing it, then you just stop responding, and delete him. Don’t become a texting pack member, too many ladies out there who will be happy to text, on, on, and on, and on…then wonder why the guy never wants to meet them. Sadly, they are messing it up for the ladies who have no desire to date their phone.
mama
All the heavy texters who won’t meet in person give me catfish vibes. I suggest watching a few episodes of Catfish on MTv and you’ll start seeing a pattern.
Anony
@Raven, I generally like to hear a guys voice before meeting, see if there is any vibe at all. And it seems to be a good indication of the guys that are serious in wanting to meet up.
Does anyone think its wrong to talk on phone before meeting up? Why wouldn’t you want at least a phone call?
Raven
When I was doing the online dating thing, I met the guy as quickly as I could with No Expectations. I met a lot of great guys…
I guess I don’t understand after you’re wanting a call, why You, would text him when he didn’t call. That is a great way to screen them out.
mama
Anony, when I was doing online dating I liked to hear the guys voice if he suggested it. I would rather not text, not chat, not anything before meeting in a public place, but that’s just me. I usually reserved that for the guys I was intrigued with. ;)
I have done the texting romance thing. I found a great guy but it was one of the worst intimate experiences of my life when we finally met up. Words aren’t everything, just saying….
Liz Lemon
When I was online dating I personally hated talking to guys on the phone before I met them. It’s so awkward to have a phone call with a complete stranger. I’d much rather just meet in person and get it over with and see if we click. So it’s a personal preference, some people don’t enjoy that. I met my bf 3+ years ago on okcupid & we didn’t talk or text alot beforehand, once we established we had stuff in common, we set a time & place to meet, and that was it. No talking or texting beforehand. And when we met the chemistry was strong & we had lots to talk about. I think it’s better to establish that stuff in person.
However the fact that this guy totally flaked on you tells you everything you need to know. No need to contact or chase him, he’s already removed himself from the dating pool.
Anony
Thanks all. Agree 100% that he’s better lost than found. Just nice to have a sounding board and outside perspective. Definitely won’t be losing sleep over this guy!!!
mama
I feel bad we sort of hijacked Ella’s original post with Anony’s dilemma.
Ella,
Yes you tell him this is putting you off.“we don’t really know when we can meet probably not for at least a week,”
If a man really wants to see you, he will move earth and sun to make it happen. This guy is being a flake and penpal. And don’t text him anymore… tell him it’s weird (in your own words) and you look forward to talking to him on a real date.
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