Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Thank you message after first date
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Ash.
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Jessica
Hi!
Been back to the dating world after a long break. My last relationship was more than a year ago, it takes a toll on me so I focus on myself and waited until I feel ready to date again.
I’ve been to my first date last Friday and send him a thank you, good night message after the date, is that bad?The guy just turns 42 and I’m 31.
We met around 6:30 PM at the mall, decided to go for a movie but since the movie we book starts around 10:45 PM, that’s the earliest as it’s a weekend in our country so the earlier timings are full, he suggested to go for a drink and bites.
We went to a very nice bar, talk and I think overall the date went well; we had things in common and he even said we can try skiing together, try the VIP cinema in the other mall next time, etc. He even said he’ll send photos of the aquarium his currently doing.
He drives me home. After that I message him thank you, good night, he responded that it’s a pleasure, he just got home and sleep tight. I didn’t hear anything from him until now.
I only got limited dating experience despite my age.
So, I’m wondering if thank you message turns guys off so I will not do it again on my next dates.
Joe
I’m sure he appreciated the thank you and he responded. But guys don’t expect a thank you after the date if you already said thank you during or at the end of the date.
So apparently it’s been about a week since you’ve heard anything from him. What was the most recent contact about and did he call or write?
Early dating is tricky. The guy doesn’t know if you would really like to go out with him again so don’t get frazzled if a guy takes a few more days after the 1st date to ask you out again.
Emma
Yes it is a huge turn off! Do not do it ever again. It smells of desperation. A date is not a job interview, he is not your future employer, you don’t have to “thank” him for anything, especially in writing. If you met again you could have mentioned that you had a great time and enjoyed yourself, but do not send those type of notes anymore. In fact the less contact you initiate at the beginning the better. If a man is interested in you, he would lead.
For some reason some women think that men live in a vacuum and have no idea what to do and how to treat a woman. We need to understand and accept that they know what they are doing, and that if they are not contacting is, they know they are NOT.
He is probably going on dates with other women, this takes time. LOL There are millions, literally millions of women in their 30s, and he is in the age where men can have the broadest spectrum of choices. Women of 30-50 to choose from, that’s a 20 year range. So he is busy as you can imagine. LOL
Do not chase men. He replied to you, he was polite, but leave it at that and don’t it again. You are still young, go out and meet as many of men as you can yourself, practice your dating skills. LOL. It might take you a while to find the right guy, do not rush, take things slow, observe and learn. Read up on the modern dating rules, some of them are bizarre. And be careful with your heart, guard your heart, it is very easy to get hurt, so stay emotionally detached for 2-3 months or better until your guy asks you to be his GF.
Mike
I don’t think it gives off a desperate vibe at all. Quite the opposite – I would be very glad that someone is appreciative of the night out. I have been on lots of dates where the woman doesn’t say “thank you,” even after dinner, drinks, movies, shows, etc. That’s something that’ll make me not want to go out with her again, not her saying “thank you”.
Candace
If you said thank you at the end of the evening then that was enough. No need to text him later. It makes you look a bit too keen, although if he liked you it shouldn’t have put him off entirely. I make sure I express my appreciation at the end of the evening and let it go at that. Next move should be his.
If you haven’t heard anything in a week, he wasnt’ feeling it. If you hear from him again later it usually means he was dating other women and nothing else worked out and he’s coming back to see if you are still an option. Up to you if you want to respond or not.
Prairiegirl
Men do like to be appreciated, but a thank you text is not the way to do it…it just sounds too needy, almost manipulative. After the date, smile at him and thank him graciously for the lovely time.
It’s pretty well guaranteed he will go home with a smile on his face.
Anne
In my view a text after a date, later in the evening evening means you are unable to keep your fingers off your phone. Like you go home to no life and just have to reach out.
Amz
Honestly, women need to get over this “one false move and you’re out mentality” So you text him after a date to say thanks, or you don’t. Who cares?!
If a guy really likes you it won’t matter that much. And if he sees it as weird, so what?! WHY do we care so much about a guy we’ve literally spent only a few hours of our entire lives with?!
Repeat after me: He’s just not that special, no guy is. I text him if I wish, I don’t text him if I don’t want to. This trivial stuff really isn’t that important. It’s been ONE DATE!!! I do what I want. Unless I do something blatantly rude to turn him off I really have LITTLE control over what he thinks about me.
Prairiegirl
I 100% stand by what I said and of course, everyone has the right to express their opinions. I think it is odd to text a guy to thank him for the date, no matter how many dates have transpired. It feels not only needy and rather manipulative, but also strange when you could have thanked him in person, right after the date!
If you forget to thank in person, just let it go.
Lane
I think it’s best to thank the man after a date and see what his next move is. Asking for another within a day or two shows your on his mind and made an impression. Silence shows he doesn’t see a reason to ask you out again which is totallly cool because then you don’t waste any time on them and can spend your time with those who are.
Ultimately it comes down the amount of contact and dates but even then if you know what a man is looking for or wants it’s best to keep meeting others so you can properly guage their interests level and determine which ones are “in it to win it” so to speak.
This guy isn’t interested or you would have a second date by now. Delete and move on is the best method of dating when a man doesn’t ask or stops asking you out.
redcurleysue
There are two minds here. One says if you thank a man verbally at the end of a date that is fine and another says texting thank you is appropriate.
It depends on the man. They should always receive a sincere thank you if they took the time to ask you out and made plans. Verbal or texting once is great and very much encouraged.
Overdoing it is not.
Emma
Mike, what kind of women you are picking up excuse me! Who doesn’t say “thank you” after a dinner? You said some women “confessed” to you that they went out on a date with you for food?
We do not mean not to thank a man, we mean not to send him a follow up thank you note saying ‘thank you for taking the time to meet with me’ bla blah. It should be obvious to most women.
But I agree that one mistake does not mean you are done, it can cut the excitement especially at the beginning, but it is not the end of the world. You can recover from this by NOT chasing after him anymore and especially not asking him if everything is all right or did he lose interest. LOL. If he does not contact you, you don’t contact him. You just let it go. For some reason doing this is so hard for women, I am trying to grasp this phenomenon. There are other men ladies!! Many of them!!
Amanda
I think it is much better to just thank him in person at the end of the date. I doubt thanking him via text is a deal breaker if he likes you, but for most men I do think it turns them off. And I give a guy three days max to ask me out again and if he doesn’t I move on.
my2cents
Some of you women on here think way too much!!! Thanking a guy right after a date or sending off a quick text thanking him a day or two later is not such a big deal to ponder over and analyze to death.
Jessica, I think your question should be “Will I hear form him again”? and not whether sending a thank you text was a mistake.
This guy has not reached out to you since, but I am sure it has nothing to do with sending him a thank you text, but more to do with the lack of chemistry or some other reason that only he knows.
It’s funny reading all these responses saying other wise. Also which decent person would not appreciate hearing a thank you? How can that be a turn off? Wow!! are relations between men and women so far gone that we have to play games and be strategic in everything we do? or are we so focus on trying to get a man to like us that we forget to be who we really are in fear of turning him off..
When a guy truly likes a woman and wants to be with her even if she has the worse manners that will not necessarily turn him off her at least not at first. Now I am hearing the opposite on this forum.
Jessica your text did not turn him off, he probably did not feel a spark and as a lot of guys are, too coward to let you know,don’t want to hurt your feelings, or he is simply too busy and will reach out to you soon. Either way don’t sweat it. no big deal.
I have had dates where the guy did not contact me for more than three days later. What did I do? nothing, know what he did? called and made plans to go out again. Point is don’t over think, wonder or make yourself sick trying to figure out men
Most times you can’t so, do you and things will fall into place.
Kathy
Amen 2 cents..
Way too much overthinking…
Amz
EXACTLY what I was trying to say my2cents. It’s really no big deal either way. Stop analysing such useless crap!!!
MHC
I’m sure there’s an article on this website written by Eric saying that men like it if a woman texts after a date to say thank you? I think it may have been in the context of when the man has bought dinner etc, but anyway – I bore it in mind after a recent date I went on and even though I had thanked the guy in person, I sent him a message on my way home saying thank you for a lovely evening and delicious dinner. He replied straight away saying he had had a really enjoyable night and making a joke about something we’d talked about over dinner. And a few days later, he text me again asking for a second date. So there you go; a thank you message doesn’t necessarily mean you will send a guy running for the hills :)
MHC
OK it wasn’t by Eric but you can find it if you search for “date etiquette what man wants to hear”.
I think the key thing is authenticity though. Don’t make it into a game. If you said thank you on the date and he accepted it, there’s no need to say it again – I only did because he had paid for a meal and bottle of wine and I felt that deserved more than a brief verbal thanks. Don’t over analyse to the point at which you aren’t polite for fear of coming across too needy. Just be genuine and as the others have said, if he likes you, that won’t turn him off.
Jose
Wow people really like to pretend they are “mind-readers”. Whats wrong with showing some love huh? Its not going to scare him away with a “thank you” text, and if so, then he is a jerk anyway!
Jessica you shouldnt listen to what 80 % of the comments are saying, they cant tell you what to do (even though they want to).
Go with the heart, you said “thank you” he responded. No problem here! He probarly was really happy to get that text, you dont know that only he knows it. So stop sweating it and just go have fun ;)Ash
There’s absolutely no issues with saying thank you for a date!
I know several men who’d be insulted if you didn’t and some have even said the reason they didn’t give a second date was specifically because she didn’t say “thank you”. People like to be appreciated for the effort they put in, dates included.
While I don’t think saying thank you twice is much to be concerned about, maybe just say it once, either in person after the date is over (personally I like this way the most) but I don’t think shortly after via text would really be frowned upon either.
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