the difference between ghosting and having a rubberband moment?

What I would do in this situation is not care at all… Whether it is 1 or 2 or 3 weeks, does not matter….don’t spend any time and energy thinking about him or analyzing….until he resurface…and then you reassess everything at that time….

And God forbid, don’t reach out

@Shannon. Really? after meeting with a person three times, and talking/texting in between, it is ok to just vanish? This is what normal people would do? Me thinks not. it is not ok. And “disappearing” without a word is not ok under any circumstances. it is not hard to say something to inform another person about your intentions, i.e. to not contact them again. Not hard at all. And if a person has any decency and consideration for another person’s feelings, they’d take care to say a few sentences to let them know.

You said he went on a business trip for a week after your 3rd date? We had a couple of cases here where this happened and many of us thought that this “business trips” after 1-2-3 dates especially with subsequent vanishing act for a week or more are rather telling. He is dating others and put you on the back burner. Thinking that if things don’t work out elsewhere and he’d want to come back all he had to do is text you “hey how is it going”. Some men are so smart, you see.

I agree 100%, do NOT reach out to him. If he reaches out to you with anything less than a truthful apology and then makes efforts to make it up to you, I won’t reply to him.

And to answer your question how to decide? Use normal human behaviour standards. It is not hard. Would he do it to his boss? His friend? His sister in law? If the answer is no, you know where things are.

Maria, I don’t think going on a few casual dates and texting someone is a relationship. In my book, unless you’ve moved into a more intimate relationship with them (sex, talk of commitment, some sort of relationship routine) you are not being ghosted because they did a fade out.

I’m entitled to my opinion the same as you are yours. I don’t need a condescending scolding from you about it.

I wonder how many of these business trips are real and how many are the guy making an excuse to fade? Even if you’re on a business trip you can send a quick text if you’re into someone.

Saying that, I would always give someone the benefit of the doubt. But if he hasn’t contacted you in a week of being home, that’s when you know he’s not interested. Any guy that is wouldn’t ignore you for long periods of time in case you got bored or found someone else. Not to mention if they like you, they want to be in touch with you.

I agree the rubber band thing is just a few days and ghosting is when you’re in a relationship of sorts, not having just been on 3 dates.

Yeah…true…keep silence….someone ghosted me for a year and half…out of the blue he called me back…I told him nicely that I am no longer interested to know abt him…find someone who is proud to be with u..

I think it’s pretty fair to assume that when a girl is upset a man hasn’t contacted her in so many days it is because she’s hyper aware of it…meaning she is not dating other guys or something, whereas the man is focused on other things in his life…work, dating other people, in general just living life to the fullest…

The problem then may be some females aren’t casting enough lines in the dating pool…you are just focused on one line and it’s driving you insane…ghosting implies a non attachment and being busy!! He likely doesn’t have the time or effort to “dismiss” every female he took on a few dates…dating is competitive and when it starts being viewed that way by the female, then you can understand nothing is really owed to you…think of sending in a resume…you don’t always get a hit and then an explanation as to why you weren’t hired…you didn’t pass their first screening…and say you get an interview…you don’t get the job…there is no feedback as to why…they just didn’t see you as being a part of them…and say you go on a second or third interview and don’t get the job…it went to the best candidate…doesn’t mean your life ends there…all that means is you are destined to be somewhere else…

This generation has so much entitlement behind everything it’s incredible to me…I am 33 and can read between the lines without expecting them to pacify my hurt feelings…I am capable enough to cope with being passed up…I don’t take it personal and I trust better things are on the horizon for me…

Maybe a shift in our thinking is what’s really needed…

You erase his number, vow to never speak to this jerk again. And you see that super fast moving can burn out quickly. Not that it never works, but it is no guarantee. Kick him off the pedestal because he does not belong there.

Emily, time to say ‘NEXT!’

If you reach out to someone after they go quiet on you and the choose ignore you, just write them off!

Unfortunately this has become a pandemic with men these days. When I was dating in my 20s, men didn’t act like this at all.

Now I’m 30 and oh boy it has become a thing it’s normalized, you best be shocked if a man follows up and remains consistent till the very end.

Anyway, just let it go and learn from it, going forward it teaches you to conduct yourself in a way that makes you happy and peaceful when dating.

Rubberbanding is a guy needing some space to process, but he shouldn’t fall off the face of the earth entirely. There may be some distance for a few days or a week but probably some quick check in as well so that he doesn’t screw things up with you totally. This isn’t that. After only 6 weeks of dating, you should write him off, even if he comes back with explanations. You can’t trust him to be mature and reliable or communicate well.

I did have an established boyfriend do this to me once, and it had zero to do with me. He got overwhelmed dealing with other stuff in life, vanished suddenly for about a week and a half, and when he just as suddenly reappeared, we had a long talk about how I wasn’t okay with that behavior, what was going on during that time, and how we would manage him dealing with life stress in the future in a way that met both our needs. We broke up for unrelated reasons about a year later, but it’s still an indication of different and perhaps incompatible mindsets. That was the only time I was forgiving about something like that and we did manage to work around it going forward, but I’d argue that a guy who needs to vanish or ghost or rubber band is too emotionally immature to be a good match if you’re at a point where you’re looking for a very serious partner / husband material. It’s also extremely likely that someone who does something like that early on will continue repeating it if you stay with them, so if you’re not okay with it the first time it’s best to say “next.”