The Fade Away ?

BC, I would do it in an email, not text. I think you should never end anything by text. My value system. I dislike texting, unless it’s for logistics.

I’m v glad this is useful to so many. You feel so much better when you handle it this way. It really disarms them. They expect to be spit at, put down or all sorts.

Lylah, I agree with just rip the damn band-aid OFF already and get on with it.

Nic, take your time answering him. And start getting aware at how much energy you’re pushing his way when he doesn’t warrant it. I decided to bring the curtain down and declare the show over when I realized how much energy I was spending “ignoring” him.

Well then text is OK.

I cut everyone slack over the holiday period. You just don’t know what people are doing. Give it a few weeks into January and see if he comes forward?

2 weeks is well enough time. Do it just before you go…then you have closure and can enjoy your holidays. but. I think it may be over before that.

I’m seeing my gorgeous singer friend tonight :-)

Now, he’s a good man. Good morals and wonderful qualities!

Hi!

Thank you all for your comments…this has really helped me get some insight on a current guy, that I was/am seeing. I’d be interested to get some of your insight on my situation.

I just started seeing a guy that I met online at the beginning of December. I must admit it was a little whirlwind, we saw each other about every other day, for a quick lunch date, a movie, dinner etc. It was great. I’ve been dating for about the last year and have been on at least 15-20 first dates and I immediately felt a connection with this guy. I wasn’t super attracted to him at first, but as I got to know him, I became more attracted etc. We got along really well and had a bunch of things in common. We spoke over the phone really often and the first kiss was awesome…again something I hadn’t experienced in a long time. So I got excited. I felt like things were progressing really well. I asked him if he wanted to come and hang out with me and some friends in a couple of days. The next day I sent him a text, got a one word answer. Then nothing for 2 days. It seemed odd, we were texting and he was calling me at least once a day. So I sent him a message asking if he was ok…I had a vibe that something had changed. He said that things were moving too quickly. I was a little confused because he had initiated majority of the dates, phone calls and even most of the texts. I was just going along with it and was encouraged by the amount of pursuit I was getting. We had a couple of cheeky kisses here and there but nothing more. So couldn’t really figure out exactly how it was going too quickly. So I then sent him a message asking if we slowed things down a bit did he still want to hang out, and asked what had changed. He said that “he did (want to still hang out) but it was his issues and he just needed to get over his weirdness” I haven’t heard from him in a week. How long does getting over weirdness take? lol. I actually was really starting to like this guy, it was the first time in at least 2 years that I’ve actually felt something close to attraction for someone. Now I feel unsure about everything. Is he giving me the fade out or does he just need time? A couple of friends said that I should text him in a week or so just to check in. But I’ve come to believe that if a guy wants to see you then he will, should I just leave it up to him? I also think that in dating these days, there is such a disposable attitude and if I feel like he was worth it…then I should just send the stupid message. :)

I have a tendency to over-analyse. So feel free to be frank…I also know that knowing someone for a month is not really long…but as I mentioned this one felt different and well…I don’t want to do something stupid. I think what you all have mentioned about waiting until all the emotions (anger, hurt, confusion) have died subsided. So at this point I’m thinking of just letting him make the next move? Thoughts?

I’d also like to mention that I’m still dating, and have been pretty busy so it’s not as if I’m sitting by the phone waiting to hear from him. I just can’t get him off my mind. Would love to get some of your insight please.

Happy NY all!

I’m really, really happy to know that my experience is of use to many girls here!!

Danielle, definitely leave him alone, don’t contact again unless he contacts you first. You have NO idea what’s going on in his life. The key is to not get overly excited or invested… keep a cool, objective head for the first 2-3 months, because you should be more concerned with making sure he meets YOUR standards. That keeps the energy and power balanced, which is conducive to the relationship moving forward.

Abby, so sorry honey, sounds like he is definitely gone.

Abby, closure comes from within. If you really want to write something, then write it on a piece of paper and then burn it. Hopefully that will bring you closure. Not sending some guy a message ….

Now if he contacted you, then sending a reply would be appropriate.

Yeah, any guy who doesn’t send you a Merry Christmas or Happy New Year even a text and you are in a relationship, or at least exclusive, well that is just messed up.

My oh my, THANK YOU so much Sherri, Stefanie and Ivy for your response! You are my saving grace!!! Yes I sent that question to this forum at 3:30 in the morning cos I woke up in the middle of the night and felt restless…desperate trying to stop myself from thinking about him. This morning before reading your responses here, I decided that it’s not a good idea to send anything to him. And when I read your responses, I feel YUP, NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING. IT IS DEAD! I am going to accept, let it be and move on.

I love how Sherri and Stefanie said that closure comes from within and initiating that note is not necessary anymore. Ivy, you confirmed my belief that if he didn’t even bother to send a note on xmas and new year, it’s messed up and a screaming signal that he is gone. Gone for good! :) Once again thank you love you ladies!!! :))

Abby, so glad it helped. I find it helpful to redirect this way when I’m thinking about him… I hope you’re happy wherever you are… now, what do I want for me, what does the right man for me feel like and then engage all my senses in feeling that. See, you don’t want to TRY so hard to forget him because that actually reinforces him in your mind. It’s like what happens if I tell you not to think of purple cows. You WILL think of purple cows.

I relate to where you are, I’ve had plenty of those nights thinking about him. Redirect, redirect, redirect and pretty soon you’ve developed a new muscle. The neurons in your brain with memories of him on them will deactivate when they aren’t lit up any more.

Thanks so much Abby… I’m about to jump into to coaching in another area. I have started thinking since I’ve been here I could really help women over 40 or maybe even younger women who never learned the basics and keep making painful mistakes.

Staci, you are so right. Sometimes the silence is worth a million words.

I’d not reply. Make him work harder for you. The right guy will keep calling till he gets you …or at least leave a message. ..requesting you call back.

unless…He us calling to apologise and ask for a other chance. ..do not give him a 2nd thought…or chance. 98% of guys…just ring for an ego boost. ..to see if they can reel you in again.

be VERY cautious hete.