Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › The first time we've had sex together…I haven't heard from him.
- This topic has 11 replies and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by
Sherri.
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Jen
Hey guys,
This guy that I’ve been dating was all about the texting. I never had to initiate contact and the texting was enjoyable. We slept together for the first time on Saturday. I feel very comfortable with him. The next morning he made me breakfast and we chatted for a while.
Now I know that it is only Monday but I have gotten use to the consistent texting that I can’t help but feel something is off. I know that the answers I will get is just to wait it out but once you feel like things have shifted I can’t help but wonder why. I did initiate a text to him this evening with yet to get a reply. I’m not sure where to go from here.
Lagirl
How long have you been dating?
Jen
1 1/2 months
Jen
Well let me put it this way we have been talking for that long and opening up to each other. This was our 3rd official date.
Phillygirl
Texting is the laziest form of communication.
If he only (or mostly)communicates through text, then that does not show a guy who is really invested in you, sorry.
You don’t say how long you’ve been seeing him, or provide any other details, so I apologize for making some assumptions.
If you are looking for a relationship, then there are behaviors you monitor from the beginning, to see a guy’s true interest level.
A guy should be speaking to you (calling and talking in person). And 90% of communication should be through verbal communication, not texts or even email.
They should be doing most/almost all (+95%) of the intiating until you are exclusive and/or official.
This isn’t playing hard to get (you should actually be busy with your own amazing life, and someone they have to work for)
We show people how much we value ourselves, and how they should treat us by what types of treatment we accept.
If we don’t show we respect ourselves, then no one else will either.
If he has only been texting, has never taken you out on a proper date (and paid), and your only actual time together has been to have sex, then he has shown you where he places you in his list of priorities.
I’m not trying to make you feel bad. But I’m just trying to make you see how your behavior, which is completely under your control, dictates so much of the outcome in these situations.
Khadija
Jen,
Mmm…. I’m not a fan of the whole texting thing, a guy needs to pick up the phone and talk.
A month and a half is still too soon to know anything about a guy. I think you need more time to get to know him.
Wait it out and see what happens now that you’ve been intimate.
If there is a significant change he may have the wrong intentions for you.Stefanie
What I read is you’ve been talking with him for 1.5 months but slept with him on the third date.
One would have hoped he would have communicated on Sunday or Monday.
YOu’ve sent a text. Now leave it alone. DO NOT attempt any further communication. You will find out in short order what’s going on. Who knows right now.
Wisdom for next time – wait to sleep with a man until you know you are in an exclusive relationship.
Sassperilla
I’m not sure how emailing is better than text?? I can’t remember the last time I emailed anyone for personal reasons – I only use it at work or to complain to a company that my online shopping hasn’t arrived yet!
I text all my friends all the time, I very rarely make or receive phone calls, it’s just not my thing to talk on the phone, I don’t get it.
I don’t see how texting is a lesser form of communicating than any other modern way. The way I see it when you aren’t face to face you have texts and calls on the top level, email and other messenger type apps next, then the lowest forms of communication would be snapchat or tweeting someone as these things are not necessarily one-to-one.
Anyway, that aside what I think Jen is that becuase of what’s happened between you you are now hyper aware of when he’s getting in touch or otherwise. He’s probably taken a step back to process what’s happened, and might even be trying to play it cool and not smother you – let him breathe and work out how he feels and know that if he likes you and wants to see you again he will DEFINITELY be back in touch. In the meantime try and relax and live by “what will be will be” – easier said than done, I know x
Talllady
No no no. Never contact a man after sex first. Never.
And more that 24-36 hours of him not checking in is not good. Men who care about building something always check in by 48 hours.
I think he’s gone. Next time, do not confuse 1 1/2 months with 3 dates. 3 dates is 3 dates…. 1 1/2 months should be more like 5-7 dates…..
redcurleysue
I personally am not a fan of text. To me it is impersonal. You do not get to see the person’s expression of hear the sound of their voice. When I care about someone I want to see and hear them. That is my opinion.
If he stepped back (action) after sex it may be he does not want you to get too attached because he is not attached yet. It could be he got what he wanted and that is it. It could be other reasons. The point is he stepped back.
When a man steps back do not go forward (call, text, etc.). Let the man set the pace of the relationship. You also have to beware that he does not turn this into a FWB if that is not what you want. Do not sleep with him again until you know his values, morals, interests, view of life and relationships, etc. In other words, get to know a guy before sleeping with them.
alia
I must admit that texting with friends feels completely different than texting with a romantic prospect. I agree with those who say texting is best left for communiacting a time and place to meet and that’s just about it. It’s terrible to have a “conversattion” in.
Sherri
The way I see the difference between texting and phone calls:
I can text a couple of people and hold conversations with them at the same time. (I do this)
I can only talk to one person at a time.Why did u wait so long to meet? 1.5 months?? I wouldn’t count those 1.5 months at all rather it would be you slept with him after 3 dates. Guys bond thru meeting face to face and doing things together. How much do you think he has bonded to you if you guys have only met 3 times (remove all the texting that has gone on before that). Was there any sexting going on before you guys met for the 1st time? After you guys met? If yes, then it seems like all this guy was looking for was sex.
Next time do not sleep with a guy till you are sure of where he stands with you. And do not text a guy after sex.
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