Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › The Freak Factor..Should I Continue?
- This topic has 4 replies and was last updated 4 years ago by
Elvira.
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Tess
I’m a gay trans woman and met someone amazing online. We met this past Friday and had a great dinner and did something together Saturday afternoon then had dinner again. She said something at dinner that applied to me. She referred to trans-woman (which I am, long-time post change/op and well into the passing spectrum) as freaks.
She doesn’t know what I am and that term doesn’t really insult me, it is what it is and transpeople who are honest with themselves understand that clinically/statistically, freaks is exactly what we are. Some lesbians could care less about and others can’t handle it and that’s just reality.
I never really wanted to down down any road with her other than platonic as when we first connected she said she was uncomfortable with out age split (I’m 50, she’s 36) and I wasn’t honestly thrilled about it either. I responded to her ad, but didn’t notice her age, only that she has the same world view as me and she was someone I wanted to chat with.
Yet after meeting her I found myself extremely attracted to her but there is what she said both at dinner and about the age thing. What sucks is that apart from those two things we could probably had a good shot at something special but for me to even think about moving ahead I fear will just end up crushing my heart. I’m not stupid and obviously this has train wreck written all over it. It would have been perfect had I not been romantically attracted to her but I can’t help what I feel. I’d never allow us to get involved physically without her knowing what I am as that’s just uncool anyway.
Since I barely know her and have really nothing invested thus far or her in me I wonder if it would it be best to just ghost her? I don’t want to get hurt and have had a 99% rejection rate with women that didn’t know what I was and were really into me until I told them. It’s just statistically pointless now right? If I try and just move ahead platonically I’ll just end up falling for her then you all know the rest…
Raven
This is not ghosting. You don’t have to relationship. You have met once.
You won’t even be friends… Too bad for her!
Tallspicy
If you left the date with no agreement to be in touch, simply not contacting again is just fine.
If she reaches out again, simply state: dear lisa, thank you so much for meeting. You are really lovely, but I dont think we are a match. I wish you the best!
But you may want to look at who you are attracted to, if you are not ending up in the relationships you want. If you find that you are picky or dont meet people easily, you are most likely avoidant.
Liz Lemon
I agree with the other posters, you had one date and were not a match. It happens all the time. It’s not ghosting, it’s dating. You can just move on to the next person. I don’t see any reason to continue contacting someone (even as a friend) who thinks you are a “freak”.
I would also gently add, in the future, you might want to consider being open about being trans in your dating profile. You say in your post that this woman did not know you are trans. It would filter out the anti-trans folks if you are honest. There are many personal statuses that people sometimes hide in dating profiles thinking that it will make them more dateable– like being divorced, having kids, etc — and I think it’s bad to be dishonest about you who are from the beginning. Because eventually if you are ever going to get close to someone, you will have to be honest and disclose the truth, and the person might very well feel betrayed. And you could ruin the start of something good. I would say being trans falls in to this category. So again, this is just a gentle suggestion, but I hope you will consider it. Good luck!
Elvira
I agree with Liz 100% and the others. You can send a gentle text or stop communicating all together since there is no real relationship/friendship here.
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