The guy i'm dating is cheap–and it's a turn-off, should we break-up?

So Sandra P, what happened in the end?

I would expect a guy to pay if he is the one asking my out on a date, and if he wants me to go to a show or whatever with him afterwards, he should also pay. I firmly believe that the one that does the asking / inviting should be the one to pay.

I offer to pick up take-aways every now and then, but my guy always insist on giving me back the money.

If a guy is having a bit of a money flow problem, I would understand, but he should make it my problem since we are not sharing financial responsibility, that is reserved for marriage. Him asking you out on a date and then telling you to pay half the bill is placing some of the responsibility on you.

If he wants to see you, but cannot afford to pay for dinner etc. then he should try to look for other ways to spend time together. A picnic in the park, him cooking you dinner / cooking together or suggesting doing something that is free after you’ve both had your respective lunches or early dinners. Staying in to watch movies, popcorn is not expensive and neither is a pizza.

I’m sorry but I would not be happy if a guy did this to me.

I know this might sound terrible…but its like a guy hiring a prostitute and then expecting her to give a 50% discount because she had an orgasm.

I dated this yahoo once that had no problem paying for a meal, but if I did not finish my meal and had leftovers to take home, he then staked his claim on the leftovers and said that since he paid for the meal, the food was his. He then proceeded to take the food home.

I thought this was a little weird, but it did not bother me. What bothered me was how rude he was to the food servers!

I get your point but he should not be paying for your groceries and if he is only over “some days” he shouldn’t have to pay your house bills. Do you make friends or family pay? If he was spending days/weeks in a row there that is different.

I just read the above post. Just because he doesn’t offer to buy your groceries or pay for your house bills does not make him cheap. It’s pretty ridiculous to expect this of him in the first place. Not taking you on dates and making you take public transport, however, is a different story. My earlier advice stands but I would also check your expectations going forward. They don’t seem reasonable.

Old original post! There’s plenty of recent posts to give advice on where the original poster will actually get a chance to read. Ugh.

yeah its hard to date someone like that specially you have different life style am sure there’s always comparison to your ex’s which is surgeon and same life style with you.

Sometimes being practical now a days i good choice rather than staying with someone like that what will happen in the future if you will marry to this guy? “Conflict of interest” or financial incapability which is stressful.

I think you should made a decision if you will stay or not while still early.

Hey girly!!

Man!! Reading all of this makes me cringe. I don’t even want to know how much money you’ve spend on him!! I can’t blame you because I’ve been in that spot myself.

In short; I had a broke BF several years ago (ex now ofcourse) and bc I loved him and wanted to make him happy, we would do fun things but I would ALWAYS pay since he couldn’t afford it. He was also depressed and I thought I was being a great girlfriend by keeping him occupied with fun outings but the money part was rough for me bc I was definitely not rich. I was 19 and a student at the time. (I’m 21 now) anywho… At one point that made my mouth drop was when we were hanging out one day and since he didn’t have a car (yeah I was basically a taxi) I always drove or he’d bus sometimes. On this particular day we are hanging out and he is craving ice cream and asks if we can go pick some up, and I said “no problem” as it was a 5 min drive and we get to the store and I say “I’ll stay in the car while you quickly run in and grab it” and he looks at me and says “Well aren’t you paying?” And my mouth dropped and i was PISSED!!! LOL

Moral of the story… A guy with this patterned behaviour will not change, at least not easily.. I had countless talks with my ex over this and it never changed and clearly it hurt our relationship too.

I would suggest either breaking it off now as you mentioned you’ve no intention for a long term relationship …. Or be straight and tell him what’s bothering you. You’ve EVERY right to be straight up about it. Guys don’t take hints so you’ve to come out and say it. See what he says when you bring it up, if it’s something you’re willing to work through depending on his response.

Let me know how it goes :)

Oh total turn off. If a man can’t support himself and afford to date I’m not interested. I was raised to be independent and am more than happy to pay my share, but not his too! I once dated a guy who was totally broke, student doing his post grad studies. Well he was a total gentleman. He’d pick me up and drive us up to the beach where he’d unpack a picnic he made and a bottle of wine. Cheap cheerful and romantic. Ladies there are no excuses. These guys expecting women to pay for everything are bums. Let them move on and find another sugar mumma or at least get their act together! Next!!!

Ok so I’m older and pretty broke myself. Sandra if you really like this guy, you need to be honest with him about your feelings. I don’t know where you live but there are plenty of free things to do that would make an interesting date. Pack a picnic lunch, get in the car, and take a scenic drive. Take a hike. Walk the beach. Watch a movie at either your place or his, cook at home and split the cost of the food. Visit a museum. Go to a local football game and get hot dogs at the con session stand. Take a walk and get a pizza. Watch a cooking show together and make the meal yourselves at home. Play video games together. Play cards or board games. Going out to eat is certainly fun but you can save sooo much money by cooking and eating at home. Go shoot hoops at a school yard or public park. Look for free things to do, like free concerts and plays. Depending on the depth of your feelings, I would think if you really like him you’ll figure it out. Besides by doing some of these things you will really get to know each other. You can learn a lot about a person when you play a board game with them!! As you’re spending time together, pick his brain to get a sense of what he wants for his future. If he shows no potential for increasing his income, or if you sense that you are both on different pages regarding finances, you will be able to decide if he’s for you. Good luck and have fun!!

Dating a cheap guy is not worth it in the end, so do yourself a favor and get rid of him now. I met a guy off a dating app who presented himself as being smart/successful at his finance job (not the reason I decided to meet him, he was intriguing). On our first initial meet up, he invited me for drinks at the Four Seasons hotel (I live in NYC). I don’t drink alcohol (and hadn’t told him yet), but it was a nice gesture anyway, and I ended up with a glass of seltzer water and good convo. He was charming but overly talked about work and how he has been working his butt off since his teens to get to the point where he is today at his fancy firm, basically thinking this would be music to my ears since most women in this city look for successful men. He lived about 1 mile from me, so at the end of the date we caught a cab together, however he would be dropped first since it was on the way to my place. When we pulled up to his place, he offered money (never pulled it out) and I responded that it’s ok (which it really was) but it rubbed me the wrong way how he was satisfied with that answer and just hopped out. I didn’t think anything of it and continued to see him, but things just got worse. Over the several more times we hung out, he took me to dinner twice, both times in which we split a couple items and I was left hungry and I know he was too – he refused to order dessert which is not even expensive. He would invite me to hotel bars for drinks on purpose because he knew I don’t drink so he wouldn’t have to spend money on alcohol. I would come after work and was starving so his solution to that was to split an appetizer. One time he used the “I ate at home” excuse but since I was starving I couldn’t help but order myself a grilled cheese (cheapest thing on the menu, just for him) and watched him eat half of it, even though he claimed he wasn’t hungry. Then some nights when we would end up at his place after, he would be sneaking off eating food in his kitchen. If I spent the night, he would act awkward in the morning and I could tell it was because he wanted me to get the heck out of there so he wouldn’t have to pay for my breakfast. He NEVER once put me in a taxi to get home from his place or call me an Uber (many men in this city do that for their dates). I live a mile away, is $5 really that hard for you to cough up to be proper? My whole point is, this guy clearly makes way more money than I do, he talked himself up and chose a very fancy place to get drinks on our first date to set a precedence only to turn out to be cheap. I’m very old fashioned and believe the man should court the woman, at least in the honeymoon phase and as much as he can throughout the relationship. If I’m in an established relationship, I don’t mind picking up the tab once in a while, bringing my man treats, giving him gifts on occasions and paying for my transportation to/from his place. I feel disgusted with myself for literally giving myself to this man and him making me feel cheap – like I wasn’t good enough. I needed to go out into the night and get myself a cab because money was constantly on his mind. What a turn off!

My first question to the OP would be that you mention you’re both in your 20s and that you’re a lawyer. It’s clear you got your act together early on and have followed through on your career path and are doing well. Does the possibility exist that while you are in your career, the young man is just working a job and has not transitioned onto a career path yet? If that’s the case, then it’s quite a different story and there is a universe of difference between cheap and stingy and struggling because he hasn’t, for whatever reason, transitioned out of a “job” and into a “career” that pays a comparable salary to yours and which would provide the ability to actually share a lifestyle. My suggestion would be to try and see beyond the “job” and determine if it is, in fact, just that on his way to bigger and better things or if he is actually, stingy by nature. Again, the foregoing all stands on the very salient point that separate and apart from the “cheap” factor are all the other bells ringing and are all the other boxes ticked. If yes, then you need to sit down and talk to him. If no, and this guy is just a means to an end at the moment, then, no harm, no foul, on to bigger, brighter and more lucrative life-partner opportunities.