The guy i'm dating is cheap–and it's a turn-off, should we break-up?

The best advice is to date someone with a equal salary to you so u can do things together. If it was the other way around you gotta understand that your bf would have every right leaving you too for someone on his level. People should look for similar partners financial wise but don’t expect the man to pay all the time. You need to compromise maybe taking turns of something that is equal. If u want a man to just take care you than go for back to your ex who’s a doctor or go for a sugar daddy.

I just read this whole thread and it gave me great satisfaction because it really helped me flesh out my own problem. Yes, I know it’s old and OP may never know. Well, I think the point about the guy paying isn’t so much about dollar amounts but deeper stinginess. Neurotic stinginess. It is really a shame , but an old love of mine came back into my life a few months ago. At first it was great – I’m a teacher, he’s a social worker so neither of us is rich. But, we were having fun. We sometimes split the bill, he sometimes insisted on paying. I would cook meals for us and give freely of what I had. As things got more serious, and he became more comfortable, there seemed to be a subtle but major shift. I started paying for the trips to see him (which had been split before- like $100 a pop). We started splitting bills more often, and I paid the whole a few times. And he started withholding food from me, stuff like not allowing me margarine on my toast because he only had a little left? Asking me to buy groceries when I was spending the weekend at his house- and eating them from under my nose! To be clear, I had a small amount of an item for a sandwich and he devoured it- so no sandwich for me. he also had no food in the house). Then I noticed we were always taking my car everywhere. Let’s not even talk about Christmas. Then we had a cheap lunch with my mother, $30, and he accepted our offer to pay. Ugh!! Finally, we went to the grocery store to replace the item he had eaten. It was a small bag of chips and a couple things for dinner which I was making. It was $6 and he made me pay. He made me pay!! I know it’s not the dollar amount but the feeling, like many posters have, that being cheap with me makes me feel cheap. Not even good enough to provide a thing for me. Just let me take care of everything. I truly feel he has a deep sadistic or selfish vein that is bothering me. I can’t imagine anything less romantic than this kind of treatment. So ungentlemanly. The feeling that he does not have my back is deep. That I slept with him makes me sick. I’m not looking for guys to support me but Guys who will give a ride or not take me hiking when i have a broken toe (yes he did). None of this is loving behavior.

Sorry first if this is a late reply 😐, but I feel that you have to tell him why you are unhappy about being his sugar mama. Just do he will learn the next time he dates someone else. So he know men are expected to pay the cheque.
It is not hurting his feeling or what so ever, but you should be honest to him.
Relationships are about honestly right.

I know this is an old post but people still seem to be interested in discussing so I”m going to weigh in.

As a woman who wants to be treated as an equal– I always offer to pay my share. if a guy wants to treat me I think that’s lovely! But to expect it??? c’mon ladies, its 2017. We make our own money, we can pay for ourselves.
I’ve dated men who made quite a bit less than me (i have my own business and do well), as well as guys that make more. Making decisions based on $$ when you should be making them based on the persons character is absolutely superficial.

I think it’s gross, frankly, and a terrible double standard that leaves men not having a clue what is expected of them.

To deal with the original question-In her case, If he is great otherwise ,(though I think stinginess can translate to other areas like emotionally etc.)I would try to say something to him. Maybe like” You are a great guy,but I feel like we have different ideas about money any spending habits. What are your thoughts on spending for dates etc. Then see if you can get a better read on him and this issue.

Women are paid less in their careers on average. They also generally take time off to care for children and/or elderly relatives so they earn even less overall.

If a man isn’t willing to spend $50 on a date, I’m not going to think he’s a good bet to spend the $100,000 of most often much more it’s going to cost to help me bring up a child. So that’s him out for me. Call it shallow or call it sensible. I call it sensible.

We always get the man with a chip on his shoulder about money every now and then. It always used to be Jason.

to add on, most of my friends who are in the old schools have advice i dump him as they see him as stingy and will in future stingy in his loves too.

Sandra

That’s THE top turnoff for me

If he is still living with his mom and dad … I would dump him. Maybe he is just looking for a replacement mom who will wait on him hand and foot and provide him with sex as well.

A man taking money from you to pay him back for your meal/date is such a huge turn off? I mean, If he cant afford $10 for your meal and $10 for his at Applebees, Smashburger, wherever, then maybe he wont be getting many dates!!! I’m 55 and I have never had a man ask me to pay my own way or pay him back for my meal. If one said that to me, I would run in the other direction and never look back, There are so many other men, to date, that are NOT cheap, dont waste your time lowering yourself to pay for your own meal. A man paying $20 for the meal is not much, and it shows he is interest in you, NOT taking you for granted!

I was 30 years old and dating a 39 years old. It was a huge turn off that he constantly sticking his hand to wait for me to hand him the money from my purse so he can pay for the meal. I was going to pay for myself only and he expect me to pay for his too.
Never again.
He should go home and stay there and never date again.

I just broke up with my boyfriend for the same reason. From very first date he was very slow to get the check, so I got it covered. On second date, he simply told me to pay and asked why I didn’t leave generous amount of tips so I said why don’t you pay for the tip. Not a single penny coming out from him. For all those time together, I was the one to drive to his place to pick him up for a date and go everywhere, I drove him home every time cos he doesn’t have a car. When we had sex, he asked me to pay for condom. I think that’s it. I’ve got so much worth and deserve better. When we broke up he asked how much did I spend on him… what a man.