Home › Forums › Texting Advice › The non response to a text
- This topic has 49 replies and was last updated 8 years, 9 months ago by
Leanne.
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Lorraine
Ok what if he is in his ‘cave’ so to speak is it ok to send a light hearted funny text to kinda lure him out of it . .. as he may be worried about my response towards him (confrontation) as its been awhile in his cave …
Or am I best to just not initiate at all ??? If he’s gone he’s gone moved on ….Just a thought….
Lorraine
my situation is similar to Leanne’s
helena
I totally understand how you ladies are feeling. It’s just confusing and you don’t know what to do. But don’t over think it. I think we tend to overanalyze when fear takes over…especially fear of rejection. Give yourself a deadline and if he doesn’t get back to you by then, shoot him a text . No harm no foul. If he continues to ignore, lose the guy. However, if he does respond act accordingly
Lorraine
What’s a good light hearted text to say..
I mean with the guy I hung out with we laughed about going on a holiday to forget our issues etc so I was thinking saying something like I’m jumping on that plane outta here you want to join me..
just unsure what to do…Jenny
This is the problem with dating, the PRESENTATION/ game playing that you ACT out- what you’re supposed to do, say, when to contact, blah blah blah. You being they type of person who’s even affected by someone you went on ONE date with being non-responsive to me suggest an imbalance. Yes, I do agree that it’s ill mannered to not respond to my text, so if you don’t and we’ve only had ONE date. That action would prob dissuade me from further progression bc it’s reflective of his character. BOTTOM LINE. BUT I also would have very little if any emotional attachment to him at that point because that’s simply irrational in my mind. So, MY advice is to take a step back and rebalance yourself before you consider getting back into dating. You seem to have gone through some things emotionally that haven’t been fully resolved so do the work on that, become the most balanced person you’re capable of being… Focus on your own mental, emotional, and physical health. Then you won’t stress too much about the “protocol” instead, you’ll just be authentic to your nature and you’ll attract people that are best suited for who you really are rather than who you think you’re supposed to be *games* Good Luck!
Leanne
So should I send a text as Lorraine mentioned just a light hearted text at least if he’s in his cave it would lure him out ..
or am I better off leaving it for him to text me…
Confused too much advice ..Jessica
Its only been a day or two. Just relax and wait. Don’t text him until it’s to respond to him. You texted last – it’s his turn. You are way too invested in him at this point. Take a step back.
Leanne
It’s been 5 days …
I get the feeling he usually has girls chasing him .. so would it hurt to send him a text or should I do the opposite to what the others girls do and hold back until he ( if he ever does) texts back ..
I know he had a busy week at work and had a lot of dramas going on but still ..
Thankssandy
I don’t know, it depends on how you feel. I’m in the same situation and it’s been 7 days since either of us has initiated anything with one another. If you feel strongly about him then give him a text. I think what paralyzes both men and women in these situations is the fear of rejection or revealing the cold hard truth in which everyone wants to avoid. I’ve spent a couple days agonizing over what the heck happened and I am figuring to shoot him a text to see if everything is all right. Life is too short to wait around and if you want some answer or closure, send the text . If he doesn’t respond again. Then you know he wasn’t interested. But if he does, let him know how you’re feeling
Rags
Please don’t text again. If he ignores you it will just make you feel worse and if he replies then it puts you in the drivers seat, he will get comfortable knowing you will always initiate the conversation and he won’t need to put in any effort. If this was a long term relationship I agree that you may need closure but you only met a few times so the non response is all the closure you need. If he wants to see you he knows where you are and he will have more respect if you remain calm and cool.
If he gets in touch don’t call him out this time, just act as if you were too busy having fun to notice that he hasn’t been in touch. Trust me he will have a lot more respect for you and it won’t hurt him to wonder why you don’t care so much xLeanne
Ok thanks I just am surprised he hasn’t contacted me yet I did meet him via dating site .. and I was on it last night and noticed he was too so whatever he’s thinking he definitely is unable to give me the I’m too busy text..
Although I’m a little sad by it all I’m just going to look at the whole situation as experience and lessons learnt…
I feel he came on strong at the start and pursued me we spoke for 5 days straight him explaining his dramas etc we hung out again on the Sunday he hugged me and we kissed each other on the cheek when we parted he lingered over the hug more and his last words were he’d contact me at the end of week I told him if I go for a walk I’ll text you that I did with no reply so I upheld at my end the rest is in his court now …..
I will let him initiate thanks again for confirming the info .. :)Hannah
Unfortunately, dating can be a difficult game. He may have met someone else, decided you weren’t the one, thought you were looking for a relationship when he just wanted something casual. He may have just been a big flirt that likes to say all the right things but doesn’t mean them. A lot of things can go wrong.
You asked him a direct question about whether he wanted to see you and he ignored you. I don’t think that’s being in a “cave” or feeling insecure about contacting someone, that’s just deciding not to reply. I agree it’s rude, so who would want a man that acts like that anyway?
I know a first date can seem really exciting and like it’s the start of something, but both of you have to feel the same for it to develop.
Please don’t contact him.
ms awesome
What was the last thing you texted him which resulted in no response?
kaye
I agree with Hannah that this isn’t a man cave thing. If you have a guy go into a cave after a great first date then he’s got issues. In my experience the better the first date the more likely the guy is to make arrangements to see you again immediately… if not sooner!! LOL
Personally, I think you scared this guy off. You had a great first date but then you call him out for ignoring your text when he does call you the next day and when he called regarding dinner arrangements you informed him that he needs to let you know what’s going on earlier and not late notice. All the sudden you’re this high maintenance chick that makes guys run for the hills. I’m all for setting boundaries and letting a guy know what you want and what behavior you will accept up front. But there’s a way to do it in a warm, gracious, light hearted manner where you don’t cause him to bolt.
A guy wants easy going, he wants fun, he wants playful, he wants to enjoy your company in the moment…he doesn’t want.. why didn’t you text me back, you shouldn’t make plans at such late notice, you haven’t contacted me in 3 days..what gives.
He thinks if it’s going to be a hassle to have you around and seeing you will only add to his stress then he’s out. What women don’t seem to understand is this one simple premise….a guy who you meet on a dating site, who takes you out on a date, who you have a great time with…is under ABSOLUTELY NO obligation to ever text you, call you, speak to you or take you on another date again!! He is single. A free agent. He doesn’t owe you an explanation if he doesn’t contact you. He doesn’t owe you a second date. He doesn’t owe you anything PERIOD!!
Is it nice if a guys says, sorry I had a nice time but I’m just not feeling it? Or I enjoyed meeting you but I think we want different things. Or I’m dating others and I just don’t think we’re a fit. Sure. It’s nice for a guy to let you know so you aren’t left wondering. But it’s not a requirement. No more so than you are required to return a text, phone call or agree to a second date from a guy you aren’t interested in either.
That’s the cold hard truth and the sooner you learn it and learn to enjoy the moment and see a first date or second date for what it really is instead of some audition for a long term relationship, then the better off your dating life will be.
Leanne
The last text I wrote was when I said along the words of ” hey hope you have had a great day if you’ve got some energy to burn feel free to join me for a walk ”
He had me off guard from the get go he came across really strong and took me by surprise the next day after outer initial date he text me we met up and it was there he told me how he felt said he just wanted to be upfront and that he was moving a long way away .. he has a lot of dramas going on .. and he told me he didn’t want to start anything because of that didn’t want the heart break blah blah .. Then said or I can move with him blah blah said for me to think about it and then get back to him ..
I expressed I enjoyed our date enjoy his company and would like to see what comes of it he was cool with that then he wanted me to confirm the following day what I thought about the whole thing and he also wanted to confirm arrangements for dinner … I sent him a text the following day and I heard nothing then the afternoon of our dinner I received a crappy text from him stating not wanting to pursue anything I rang him and that’s when we discussed the non response then dinner was a non event and he informed me of a whole lot of dramas he’s going through i just said I couldn’t see him as a friend if there’s attraction blah blah .. then he stated he wanted more so I agreed I enjoyed chatting to him and am happy to just start like this if we want to catch up we do if we want to hang out we do .. just see where it goes he was happy I said that anyhow we caught up again and it’s been quiet since a whole week since my text ..
I really don’t understand the whole thing one minute I’m on this high from a date next day in on a low him telling me he’s moving and basically putting pressure on me to know what I wanted and felt about him when I barely know him ..
I’m as confused about the whole thing I just know our time together is nice with loads of chemistry and attraction ..
So if I am a friend would it still not matter if I text him ?P_Ahsoka
Eric mentions on the article about “chasing”, no one likes to chase something they can’t have…they want to earn it. Sabrina uses a great anology with the purse she bought vs having it given to her. You value and cherish the thing/person you earn. Or it’s working on a job promotion and you work hard at getting it the right way instead of having the position given to you because you fit the part temporarily and you are replaced a few months to someone who showed great things. THat’s how dating is, you be the best confident self respecting person, your “uniquness” that seperates you from all. If they don’t stay around the who cares, that’s how your mentatilty should be. Move on if they don’t want you. Men like newness all the time, be yourself and YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE. THat’s why every one on here is posting that you need to have a life, your own friends, your own hobbies. Texting is irrelevnt, it’s void, it means nothing. Phone calls and in person are the best ways to communicate, not text. I will not date anyone who only communicates via text, I have and it drives me nuts. Our arguments were text and am not ever doing that again, I hate texting unless it’s short and to the point. Like “Hey on my way” or a quick question. That’s it.
P_Ahsoka
Also, having chemistry and attraction doesn’t mean they want to date or pursue you. It means you are two human beings who enjoy the same things and have a short connection to life. It takes a lot more than that for a man to want to pursue a woman who is not being needy, playing emotional detective and has no life other than to wonder about a man who is cleary not interested. Not trying to be harsh, but we’ve all beent here and from this forum, A LOT OF WOMEN are is the same boat. Dating is supposed to be fun, it shouldn’t have problems this early on.
Leanne
I agree with the text thing when he had text me I would call him and he likewise ..
And because he came out and told me how he felt I was kinda taken back and yes probably didn’t value him much it was too easy.. soo maybe and only time will tell the space apart is for the best…
I also liked the fact that we could both be open and communicate our wants etc from the get go to me that is important in any relationship (friend or foe)Perhaps he just needs to sort himself out.. with or without me ..
I would be happy enough to be friends in fact that’s probably all I want now .. so in that case it still wouldn’t matter who contacts who but I’ll give it another few days before I may reach out…
What to do ..P_Ahsoka
You’ve only known him a few weeks right? You shouldn’t even care at this point about him hun…I think you need to get out more.
Leanne
Yeah I know hence why I joined the dating site .. a lot of my friends are married and don’t go out ..
so it’s not like I have plenty of options but yeah that’s why I was confused about the whole thing I thought when I met him it was too much and needed to process it all but found he was pursuing me but complicated things with his whole moving and liking me thing … that’s where I think things got crazy ..
anyway there really isn’t much on the dating site either .. will change to another one ..
Many thanksLeanne
Ok I spoke to a male friend regarding this he asked me how I was on my last date I told him although it went well I myself was guarded and emotionally withdrawn he suggested that guys can sense this and part of what they do is withdraw so the woman can think of them more and they stay that way until the woman initiated contact he said it’s a male thing to see how much she really likes him men tend to do that if they think she’s not interested .. I said but us women don’t chase because it looks like we are needy but he said either way someone has to make a move otherwise it will just burn out and you’ll never know .. at the moment he said it will go that way if you don’t make a move ..
Unsure what to do …
Leanne
Ok update I went out to dinner with a couple of friends as I was looking for a carpark I noticed his car there .. I couldn’t believe it was there.. anyhow I went the long way to the restaurant to meet my friends and there he was with this girl at a saloon bar chatting to this girl I was on the phone to my friend at the time she told me to walk in to the bar and pretend I was looking for her so I did with her still on the phone I walked right past him and with phone to my ear looking around talking to her I turned around to exit when he locked eyes with me to my surprise he initiated conversation I hung up on my friend and he engaged in a brief conversation saying hey what are you doing here .. bla bla I ended up saying I was with my girlfriends trying to find them .. He then said hey we have to catch up for that run hey .. I was like oh yeah sure then he asked what I’d been up to etc.. and then I asked how work was he didn’t sound happy with that he proceeded to ask more questions but I kinda cut it short and looked at the girl then back at him and said well I better let you two get back to it and left him kinda surprised .. anyhow I met up with my friend and she said I looked awesome stating he would have been shocked .. I said I felt sorry for the girl as he kinda ignored her and kept engaging with me it’s only that I ended the convo ..
Anyway at least his mind will be going in overdrive ..
Time will tell at least now I know why he wasn’t texting or contacting me back ..
mmm gotta love how coincidences occur .. because if I didn’t go out to dinner I would not of knownHannah
Hang on a minute. He told you he didn’t want to pursue anything? He’s already told you he’s not interested. You then had dinner but you haven’t heard from him since because he’s already told you he doesn’t want anything to happen. I’m not sure how you’ve been wondering all this time when he already told you.
I’m sure when he asked previously what you thought, he was hoping for a casual sexual arrangement before he goes away and got the feeling that’s not what you wanted.
This guy is not interested. Him dating other people and not getting back to you says it all.
Amy s
Hi. This guy is flaky and I’m exhausted just reading about him. If I was you I would run hard and fast from this type of nonsense, seriously. Red flags all over the place and its incredibly early days. The best way not to have a difficult relationship is to not enter into one so when you have been well warned like in this instance it really is downright foolish of you to continue and not kick a guy like this one to the kerb. Good luck and don’t give up theres much better out there. x
Leanne
Thanks yes my thoughts exactly I’m grateful I saw him and spoke to him he is such a miserable guy .. I have loads of energy and a bubbly personality so when I speak I’m upbeat and it radiates throughout me anyhow when I briefly spoke to him I couldn’t help but notice how miserable he was his energy is lame hence probably why he needs women to make himself feel good it’s more an ego stroke for him .. but yes I upheld my dignity and walked out of there with him hoping for more … I felt confident and at peace with closure
Many thanks girls for your advice and feedback …
Take care :) -
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