The one thats needy, is the one who wins?

Ellen, I am going to be harsh on you. Not only don’t you have self-respect or confidence, I could hardly see any self-esteem in you. You pretended this confidence in you just because you thought by being “confident”, you would win him over another non self – respect woman. Unfortunately, it’s not confidence, it’s weakness that you were so afraid to admit but rather turned it into confidence and self-respect.

Raise your self-steem and learn how to love yourself.

It doesn’t matter she is needy or not, why would you ever care? You don’t compete with any other women. There are so many other men in your town, you don’t need to accept a guy who played you like a cat played a mouse. Would you be strong and see the picture clearly? Would you just be confident and find another or many other guys to date?

Ellen I feel for you so much, I really do. It must be really difficult having to live in such proximity to someone you care for but doesn’t show the same ounce of love back.

But to be quite frank:

YOU’RE THE NEEDY ONE.

Everyone has been more than gracious in their time and effort to give you advice, while some girls get one reply you have many ALL saying the same thing and you’re choosing to ignore it and repeat the same ol’ rant! And now you want to go and intimate the other girl because you’re pissed he’s still seeing her AFTER YOU ended it!???

You’re the needy girl in this convoluted, Triangle of a hot mess and if you reach out to that girl you’ll tact on “crazy” to the list of adjectives to describe you.

This man has already taken away so much from you, please do not let him rob you have your self respect and dignity.

It was never my intention to ignore you or ignore you’re advice, i’ve got all your messages and advice stored in my iphone, and whenever i need it, go read all your advice when im having a difficult time :)

When i go here to tell or type my story it’s also for me just to go process things and heal from it, get something from my chest. Only my best friends and parents know what’s going on, I appreciate every one of you, taking time and effort to help me. And i keep re-reading them, as a guideline and look at it as a support. My emotions and thoughts are swinging me back and forth. When i go out, or look around when im in the city nobody is like him, he is just so different then the rest, i was always welcome, inviting me with open arms. And i never experienced that before. And im wondering if i ever do meet someone who’s compatible, someone who i can be myself around, and isnt involved with problems like, alcohol, drugs, wrong friends, bad decision making. Sure he likes a few beers, but doenst get involved in other stuff and nowawadys it seems like whatever kind of social layer your in, people are only thinking about them selves, don’t care about others, do as they pleases and take no responsibility. This is not what i am about. I really do believe that when he’s committed he’s a really great guy, but i dont get to see/experience that, and it makes me sad. Im really just sad about what could have been.

yesterday he contacted me again, it was a different phone…very creative…we talked again about allot of stuff. Trying to make me laugh, he said a few nice things. At a certain point out of the blue he said that it’s becoming more serious between them two(the other girl). I asked why are you telling me this? In my opinion you dont go rub it in someone elses nose when you know somebody is hurting by the things your about to tell. His answer: why not?

So i asked him, so she’s fine with everything,does she know us having sex, that i was with you every friday? Even when she was jealous of you being with me, that we still met eachother after you had fights about me too, you standing at my door? You still want to see me every friday if i could/wanted to. And your ex is now all of a sudden is out of the picture bcause youre in love with somebody else? How is this all becoming more ‘serious’?

And whoop there it was, he didnt answer all of my questions but said that i was welcome every friday to hang out, he wants to offer me friendship, he didnt say a word about being in love with this other girl, he told me that he still has difficulties with his ex, and that it would always be on his mind and will linger on the rest of his life. And if she wanted him back, he would instantly go back to her.

Like WOW…

I said i dont want to continue see him, (offcourse i want to, i want to be with him, but its not good for my own health/dont think its a good idea, and i have no interest being a side dish) If i didnt was looking for something serious i would or could maybe. There are too much feelings involved. He said that he isnt happy that we can not see eachother no more, having drinks, hanging out or doing stuff together. It makes it difficult that i dont have the same amount of feelings, that you do have for me. But i do think we have a connection. I answered, you dont get feelings for no one at this point, because there isnt really room for anybody else except your ex. What you’re doing is easing the pain with somebody else, pastime so you dont have to think about your broken heart. You keep coming back because of our connection you dont want to loose, and dont get your fingers around it what it is, but don’t want to look what it can be either. I dont have to proof myself, and im also not going to sit around and wait. I dont want to walk away, but i dont see another choice.

Im very aware that im sad over someone who doesnt love me, who has emotional baggage, and i dont get what i need/want, and already needed to close this book a few weeks ago. I have a very difficult time with this, because im very terrible at letting go and just accepting things the way they are.

Im jealous yes, and sad, because i dont think his ex wants him back. And the other girl gets to spend all of this time with him to get to know him better. And maybe in the time passing he falls in love with her, so he can forget about his ex. It’s stings like a bee. And im already thinking about the next weeks, how it becomes colder/christmassy/winter, they have eachother snuggeling on the couch. Im just hanging out alone by myself like YOLO i have emotional baggage and cant even connect with somebody else at this point *sigh*. It is obvious she wants him really badly though, she just takes everything from him,i know her indirectly, its not a big city we live in. I know people who know her. She does not have walking power, only have a few men in her FB. It’s one out of a dozen girl, shallow, no depth at all, liking everything what he does. only thinks about shopping, and has the same group of friends/women she hangs out with.

Im working on my self esteem for years now, and this year im finally becoming more whole going my own course then ever. And when we started out i was very confident, loving myself more and more, getting lots of sleep, eating healthy , working out 3 times or more in a week, but i just lost more and more since the situation became more complex.

This message is becoming to long again. Never the less…thanks for everything.

Love,
Ellen

YES! Focus ALL YOUR ENERGIES on those personal development teachers! They’ll help you!

Honestly, the key is there.

Focus on yourself. Also, it seems like you’re WAY too obsessed over him. So if possible, I recommend moving away and getting a new phone and email address, and unfriend him on Facebook.

Then devote yourself to your own personal growth and development.

That is the answer.

The key isn’t getting the guy at this point. The key here is to get yourself unattached to him. To get you to fall out of love with this guy who will never fulfill your needs, and be able to be open to a guy who will be able to.

If you don’t do it, then you’re getting off on all this drama and don’t want to let it go yet.

And if so, then kudos with you. You can live your life however you like it!

…unfortunately, we just can’t control other people.

Ellen, a man will do what you ALLOW him to do. If she is giving him exactly what he wants and not holding him accountable, why on earth would he not take the goodies… as the old people say, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Besides, you broke it off with him remembe so if you stop seeing him, is he a upposed to not move on with his life? Just cuz you see her there and they are having sex with each other, DOESNT MEAN HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER. Men dont view sex the same as women. If a man can get it, he definitely IS NOT going to not pass it up, even if he knows he’s just playing the field. stop giving him attention, make yourself busy, I know you are hurt, but the more you feed into it, the more you keep yourself in this hurtful stage. Im not telling you to forget about him, I know it is hard, BUT ITS NOT IMPOSSIBLE TO DO… sign up on a few dating sites, see who else is out there. Just because you meet someone on a dating sight, doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship, have sex or anything!

Dont you know we always want what we cant have? Look at you, he’s driving you crazy and rubbing it in your face too and you are paying attention to everything he does and doesnt do. But what if you did the same thing???? TRY IT!!!! Now im not guaranteeing, you and him will wind up being together, but bring a guy home from work (someone he doesnt know about) let him see you are MOVING on. The res something about just seeing another person with some1 from our past that really stirs up emotions. He knows that you are still desperate to be with him all because you arent seeing anyone…heck if you feel you dont want to see someone, get dolled up, and leave out, just when you know he will be hone, make yourself GONE
make him “wonder” about you the same you are wondering about him… trust me the neesy girl dwfinitely doesnt have him!!! But if you want him, unfortunately this game is how tou will get him.