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Tallspicy.
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Nikki
A guy I am talking to sent me a screenshot of a podcast he wanted me to check out, however, on the screenshot was the book that he’s also listening to, titled The Rational Male – the Players Handbook. I read some summaries on the book and it sounds like an absolute terrible book, kind of appalling. Do I call him out and ask him if he’s using this playbook on me? We aren’t officially anything but I’m honestly kind of taken aback by it. Or do I just not say anything and limit my interactions? I kind of feel used atm.
Raven
Walk away…
If you call him out, he’s just going to give you a lot of blah blah blah. Why let him waste your time.Mary
Ya, he’s a player!
AngieBaby
You can’t be sure he’s reading it to “use” it on you. I read all kinds of things, including things I don’t agree with, as a learning of all points of view. Go check it out and then start asking him some questions. You’ll learn soon enough if he agrees with this Rationale Male stuff or not.
Nikki
So we talked last night and I didn’t say anything about the book.
I woke up to a text this morning, him telling me that sometimes he feels like something is wrong and he needs to fix it, so during this time we need to take a break from talking for a while. He’s not a liar and hasn’t met anyone nor talking to anyone but needs to really focus on getting his mind right. Please don’t be mad at me.I have absolutely no idea where this is coming from. Do I just accept this or ask him to talk about it? I don’t feel like he is giving me 100% truths. How could he feel this and not saying anything when we were talking?
I typed out a bunch of responses but don’t really want to have this conversation via text, I want to talk to him find out what has happened..but it sounds like he’s made a decision already. How long is this not talking for a while? Am I just supposed to be ok with this?
Raven
You’ve not even met this guy! Move on
Khadija
Please move on, people change their minds all the time. Just accept it and keep meeting others.
Mary
@Angiebaby, a guy that is serious of having good intentions would NOT share something of such nature. They do not behave in such a way to risk a chance of losing you.
Mary
Nikki, you want to date someone 8-10 years older than you are.
Maddie
If you haven’t met, you’re not losing anything but a fantasy. You don’t know him yet. It’s disappointing, but try not to get hung up on someone you don’t really know yet and already have doubts about.
He’s also telling you he’s got problems and isn’t ready to date. Don’t read into that or wonder when he’ll be ready to talk again, just take him at his word and move on. He’s not the right match for you!
Tallspicy
Girl! You are over invested. You want to call him out and talk? You have never met!
Next time you make a joke about literary choices
And you always say… thanks for letting me know. Sending you good vibes to discover yourself and best of luck in everything!
You never met him, so wanting to know what happened is about your insecurity. When dating, there should be no emotional investment until he is your boyfriend. You simply give 0 fs about some dude you don’t know.
Nikki
Should I ask him if he’s ok? If I show that I care and am concerned will he open up? Is this a me problem or a him problem? And if it’s him, why wouldn’t he open up to me and let me help him with what he’s going through?
Raven
@Nikki, Have you read the responses/advice you’ve ask for? Why do you insist on hounding this guy…
AngieBaby
Nikki, that was a polite dismissal, either real or fabricated, doesn’t matter. Let him go and stop trying to analyze it. You don’t really know him. What you’re suggesting doing is codependent behavior. You two have never even met. He doesn’t need you to care or fix him.
Nikki
I guess I want it to make sense..how could he have just hung up the phone with me seemingly fine and then send this in the middle of the night? To have just decided that this is how it is going to be and not even give me the courtesy of a call? Even if we were just friends to cut me out of his life like that? What kind of a villain does he think I am? Was I such a terrible person that he couldn’t talk to me? And he even said he knows I’m an overthinker as we talked about those kinds of things..to leave me with such a text and let me wonder about all kinds of reasons why he did this? It’s hurtful. I see all the advice/responses above but it still hurts, makes me feel like I was so easily discarded and cut from his life. I should be angry and say what kind of person does this but I’m just sad. I miss him.
Nikki
Is it wrong to send him a final text telling him how I feel? Or is silence golden? I don’t know what I hope to gain but I feel like he should know how this makes me feel.
Raven
So, you tell him how this has made you feel… Then what?
Any way you respond, you are not going to get the response you are needing/looking for.
If a guy I was just talking to laid that on me, I’d block them!
Maddie
Why are you a villain because he has unresolved $hit in his life? His $hit has nothing to do with you, so whatever you would say won’t change anything. His problems and how he chooses to handle them (including not talking about them) are his… the you problems are that you’re over-invested in someone you barely know. You’re taking a bunch of stuff personally and having weak boundaries around something that has nothing to do with you.
Nikki
Thank you for saying that Maddie. Just hurts he wouldn’t let me in and the complete 180 from when we spoke to the text.
Tallspicy
You are grossly anxious attachment. Please get some help.
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